My Charcter

[Seigen]

Sub Username: Hitsugaya Toushiro

-Posting: 5

-Time Zone: Eastern

Name:Toushirou Hitsugaya

Village: Cloud,

Clan: Non-Clan

Age: 13

Height: 5, 7

-Weight: 110-Hair Color: White

-Eye Color: Blue

-Clothing: White long short sleeve jacket over a black Gi. Wears black ninja sandals. It has a kanji sign in the back of the jacket saying, Ultimate. His gi is made from a special fabric to make him be able to move around easier

Also have black stripes on the end of the sleeve.

-Physical Description: Light tan skin tone. He has a decent muscular size for 11 years old. Scar going across his chest and straight on his left cheek. Hitsugaya has White hair, and Blue Sharp eyes. His eyes show no kindness

Background

Hitsugaya was born into a family whose father did not have a lot of time for him. His dad was a Jounin and was not at home a lot due to missions. His mother was chuunin but wasn't as busy. So during her free time, she was teaching Hitsugaya basic techniques.

For a lot of his life Hitsugaya didn't have any fun in his life due to either Training or just straight up being ignored by his father and peers. So one of the things he did during his free time was art.

At age nine, one incident happened when his father became drunk due to a failed B class mission. Hitsugaya asked why was he acting weird and he began to curse out Hitsugaya. After, he began to punch Hitsugaya in his mouth for asking him that question. Hitsugaya tried to fight back but he was overpowered in, power, speed and experience. To make things worse, he pulled out two kunai and slashed at the beaten Hitsugaya, who couldn't fight back. Now to this day, Hitsugaya has a scar going across his Chest in a zig sag style and one going up the side of his face in a straight line. He and his father never got along well again after that. Hitsugaya's eyes changed on that day to from innocent and heart warming to angry and bitterness

His days at the academy weren't too great for him as well. His peers did not want to be around him because of his intimidating eyes, but Hitsugaya did not know this, so he came to the idea that he did not need any friends. During his free time he just hung in the trees listening to nature. He also played video games that involved killing and thinking. In the academy he was talented in ninjutsu and taijustu but had no skills at all when it came to Genjutsu. He passed the academy with flying colors when it came to Ninjutsu and Taijutsu.

Now he is in the real world, ready to do everything on his own. Unfortunally, his dad still doesn't see eye to eye and is not impressed with Hitsugaya's skills so that's the motivation for him to become better than his pops.

Personality: Serious most of the time. He likes to be alone and away from a lot of crowds. Not very considerate towards peoples feelings so that comes to be a problem He's an artist and likes to draw unrealistic possibilities. Hitsugaya likes to just hang in trees and be alone. He really does not like people who act stupid. He finds it Arrogant and pointless.

Likes: movies, art, games,

Dislikes: When People begin ragging on his hair color and comparing them to his complexion. Stupidity.

Favorite~

-Food: Pizza

-Color: Red

-Music Genre:

-Book Genre: Fantasy, action adventure

-Hangout: Usually in the tree where he can be alone

Level: 0

TXP: 0

-Stats (out of 500)-

(Health Power) 80

(Stamina) 65

(Chakra) 60

(Taijutsu) 70

(Defense) 20

(Ninjutsu) 45

(Resistance) 30

(Genjutsu) Sealed

(Concentration) 0

(Speed) 50

(Accuracy) 20

(Evasion) 60

Skills

Sealed Genjutsu cannot use any Genjutsu techniques N/A +2 1

Merciful whenever you would deal the finishing blow in combat to an opponent, you must let them live with one HP left, only applies once a battle. N/A +1

Self-Defense Opponents always act first, no matter what. n/a +2 1

Slow to adapt a negative for being in terrain not of your current village. Gives -%10 speed when not in your village's terrain N/A +1 1

Extreme Endurance Your strength far exceeds simple endurance. For a number of posts equal to your rank in this skill, you can continue to fight using your HP in place of your Stamina, once your stamina reaches 0. You may only use Taijutsu techniques during these posts, and when the skill expires you immediately pass out (or worse, at a Kage's discretion) regardless of any other skill you may have. This is your "last wind." N/A -2 1

Natural Growth (Taijutsu) a ninja with this gains +5 to the specified stat every level. N/A -2

Ninjutsu Mastery Jutsus of your villages element will do an extra +5 damage. n/a -1 [ ]

Contract Manager Every time you take this skill, you may summon one additional type of animal (You must still get a contract)You may take this as many times as you want additional contracts. You cannot summon anything without this skill n/a -1 [ ]

Name: The Path of the Warrior

Description: Many Ninja go down the path of becoming 'the strongest' of their field. They will stop at nothing to achieve this greatness and be esteemed among their peers.

Effect: Every 5 levels, may add one Technique that has no special posting requirements to your character sheet without having to spend 10 posts. This Technique must be of your Ninja Rank. This counts towards your Jutsu limit.

Taijutsu Warrior: The skill 'Martial Artist' no longer has a 5-post Jounin restriction. May take 2 Ranks of 'Martial Artist' for 1 skill point.

Martial Artist +5 Damage to Punches, Kicks, and Taijutsu techniques. -1 [ ]

Techniques;

Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique)

Type: Genjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 10 Genjutsu

Effects: Adds +5 evasion and +5 accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it.

Description: Creates an illusionary replica of the user. It is unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as a good distraction.

Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)

Type: Genjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 5 Genjutsu

Effects: Change your appearance.

Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You can still use the features of the thing you can become, e.g. use the claws of a clawed animal, but not to the extent of if you were that thing.

Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique)

Type: Ninjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 10 Ninjutsu

Effects: Evade the next attack aimed at you.

Other Techniques:

(I made this and its approved)

Name: Blade of Lightning Technique (Shokai Senpuu No Jutsu)

Type: Taijutsu/Ninjutsu (Lightning)

Rank: Gennin

Cost: 40 chakra + 60 stamina

Damage: 60

Effects: The oponnent skip their next Setup Phase

Description: A jutsu said to be made from the very founders of Kumo village. First, the user creates a series of handseals then opens his palm. As the palm opens lightning begins to form around the hands and then condenses into a long blade. The user then engages in Taijutsu combat.

Touch and Go (Tachi Kyou Go)

Type: Taijutsu

Rank: Gennin

Cost: 30

Damage: 30

Effect: Ninjutsu is unusable by the target for their next post. This effect only occurs the first two times Tachi Kyou Go is used, whether it connects or not.

Description: A swift pass followed by a blow to the back of the head which leaves the opponent dazed from the impact and unable to concentrate temporarily.

Edited May 27, 2006 by Hitsugaya Toushiro

[Guest DiZ]

Ok, some problems I see.....You need to lengthen Clothing, Physical Desciption, Story, as well as Personality a lot.

And yeah, you did the skills wrong. You start out with only 2 skill points, and all 4 of those skills use up 8 skill points, so you have to take out 3 of them, or give your character some hindering traits to get more skill points. Also, you have to take the hindering trait Sealed Genjutsu, if you want your Genjutus sealed.

You were suppose to keep all of the Academy Jutsu. Even though your character has sealed Genjutsu, he still has to have Bunshin and Henge. I know that seems kind'a strange, but meh, that's the rules. Also, you didn't put what the name of that first jutsu is in the Other Jutsu section. I think it's Shadow Leaf Dance though. Anyway, that's all I can see. Just fix those up and it'll probably look ok I guess.

[Seigen]

I thought it was pretty ok but alright and thx for tellin me bout the skills

[Guest DiZ]

Alright, the skills are ok now, but you still have to lengthen those other things I stated before a lot more than that. Clothing, Personality, and Physical Description probably need to be three sentences at least, while Story needs to be about probably 3 paragraphs at most.

Also, you still didn't put "Shadow Leaf Dance (Kage Buyou)" at the top of that first jutsu.

[Guest Rara-chan]

-Physical Description:Light tan skin tone. Decent Muscular size for 11 year old. Scar on his chest and left cheek. White hair, Blue eyes. Facial Expression varys.

Everybody's facial expressions vary, my friend. Nobody walk around with a smile on their face 24/7. You need to really flesh out your character, impress the mods! Does your character have any birthmarks? Describe his eyes. Are they kind? Impassive? How long is his hair? Where about is the scar on his chest?!

Story:Hitsugaya was born a little werid. He didnt have non of the traits he was suppose to get from his parents. With white hair and blue, yet a distinctively tan complexion. Alot of his classmates found him sometimes scary because of this. When he was about 9, he suffered abuse from his father because of him being drunk after failing a B class mission. This is how he got his scar on his cheek and chest.

Hitsugaya all ready had more problems thou than he can handle. Abuse, werid and intimadating . Most of the time he is dense and serouis so that may be why people back off of him so much. So Hitsugaya decided to do things on his own even though it was always the best route to take. Hitsugaya hopes to be a great shinobi so he can show his pops what hes really made off.

He didn't have 'non' of the traits that he was supposed to inherit from his family?

Not only is that grammatically incorrect; it implies that he actually did have traits from his parents.

None = Zero.

Not None = Not Zero.

With white hair and blue what?

Ok, I know it's eyes, but still. Edit that in!

I believe that it should be ‘Sometimes, his classmates found him scary because of this…'

And, it should probably be ‘When he was about nine, his father got drunk after failing a B-ranked mission. The abuse that followed left him with….'

Hitsugaya all ready had more problems thou than he can handle.

This sentence is my favorite. Not only have you fancied it up with misplaced floral speech, you switch from past tense to present tense right in the middle. =)

‘Hitsugaya already had more problems then he could handle…'

Abuse, werid and intimadating .

I get the abuse part… But who is weird? What is intimidating? His father? The neighbor's dog? Frozen TV dinners?

So Hitsugaya decided to do things on his own even though it was always the best route to take.

More switching between tenses. And… Even though it was always the best route to take? I believe you meant ‘Even though it wasn't always the best route to take…'

On top of that, you need to lengthen his history. You never mentioned his mother! Is she dead? Is she alive? Is she shacked up with a bunch of drunk, smelly men? Elaborate! And, why does your character want to show his father what he is made of?

Of course, I'm only commenting on the literary aspect of your sheet. I'm not going any where near your skills and Jutsus.

-disappears-

[Seigen]

God damn. I atleast got the skills right thank u very much

[Seigen]

With gate alignment. Does this mean i can use celestal gate off the back or do i still gotta learn it. And with the subtile element skill, can i learn any jutsu from any village and where do i put the jutsu?

[Seigen]

BUMP!!!!

[Seigen]

Can someone approve me or somethin now

[Seigen]

Another bump i guess

[Arashi]

Larvatasted and puppaproved

[Seigen]

When do i get genin rank and that symbol and stuff?

[Kouta]

Ugh..I should deny you based purelyon the fact that I KNOW that you didn't read al lthe rules...how do I know that? You made FIVE fucking posts in a row ON THE SAME DAY! I'm raising warning level for that....

Also..arashi..wtf are oyou puppapproving for? This sheet sucks!

1) Change the name...you do not deserve Hitsugaya Taicho's name! You are not enough of an awesome person for that, plus it is blantantly unoriginal and shows a lack of any creative power.

2) Why the hell do you have gate alignement when you have no gates? You make no sense at all.

[Seigen]

Wow. Its funny, ill rather have that unorignal name of mine than to have tht orignal piece of crap know as Kouta. U cant even prenounce it right. But i will take the gate alignment thing into consideration

[Kouta]

A post like that will get you gagged...only warning, I'm not hesitant to click "ban."

Also your last warning for bumping. You bump once every 72 hours..thats it, nothing more.

Also, if I were you, I'd run your sheet through spell check, although I admit that it, unlike that last post, does show SOME grasp of english, unlike other bios we've seen.

[Guest Rei-Chun]

Even if the little guy (Kouta) is hash at times, this time I have to agree with him. In terms of quality, grammar and style it's rather poor.

Some times can be a little stuck up about how great he is.

Great…What makes him great exactly? According to his history Hitsugaya was born into an average-shinobi-family with no bloodline or fame to speak of. In fact, he's uncreative which prevents him from creating a personal Jutsu. Arming ourselves with that information it's save to say your character is average at best, if anything he's sub-par.

Does anyone else find it strange for a character that's sub-par to average, skill whose, to be ‘stuck up' and have a superiority complex?

Edited May 21, 2006 by Rei-Chun

[Arashi]

Hey, Kouta, take it easy. I know that he copied the name, but there's so many others out there that also have names from other mangas (i.e. Ryo, Misato, Akira, Kiba...) so I looked more at if his background was copied, which it wasn't. That's realy unusual for a newb. here, so I let it pass even if the grammar wasn't awesome. That's why I thought the sheet could pass. As for the gate aligment, if he wants he can take it now without any problems, but he will not have any use for it now, which isn't realy my problem.

[Guest shannon _mcintyre]

aawww you didnt switch over to kusa huh o well kumo is cool too. Oh and yea Kouta sensei can be hard at times. I really lost count how many times I got shot down by an Kouta or any mod and admin here. But the thing is you gotta keep trying and just listen to every piiece of advice. And when people say that something of yours suck or aint good at all find away to make it alot better and just keep at it. Now for your character sheet copy and paste it to microsoft word and fix it up there. You kinda remind me of when I was starting out hahaha. Well keep that in mind iight and make better things. Oh and afterwards youll see that its worth it and that Kouta rei and all the others was right.

[Mokujin]

Ugh..I should deny you based purelyon the fact that I KNOW that you didn't read al lthe rules...how do I know that? You made FIVE fucking posts in a row ON THE SAME DAY! I'm raising warning level for that....

Also..arashi..wtf are oyou puppapproving for? This sheet sucks!

1) Change the name...you do not deserve Hitsugaya Taicho's name! You are not enough of an awesome person for that, plus it is blantantly unoriginal and shows a lack of any creative power.

2) Why the hell do you have gate alignement when you have no gates? You make no sense at all.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kouta, I should gag you right now for your unnacceptable behavior... Again and again I tell you to control yourself... 5 posts in the same day...? Yeah, that's worthy of a warning level increase... I'll agree completely... Does it deserve this...? Not at all... Inhibit this behavior, whether you like something or not... Don't do it again...

[Seigen]

Ok i modified it again

[Matthias Drake]

1. Expand personality.

2. Remove the 'once for every village' line after Subtle Elementals. You only took it for Konoha.

3. Incorrect spelling is fairly rampant, as is incorrect grammer. I'd say those are rather important to fix.

[Seigen]

ok i fixed it

[Takius]

-Sub Username: Hitsugaya Toushiro

-Posting: 5

-Time Zone: Eastern

Name: Hitsugaya Toushiro

Village: Cloud,

Clan: Non-Clan

Age: 13

Height: 5, 7

-Weight: 110

-Hair Color: White

-Eye Color: Blue

-Clothing: White long short sleeve jacket over a black Gi. Ninja sandals. It has a kanji sign in the back of the jacket saying, Ultimate. The jacket

Also have black stripes on the end of the sleeve.

-Physical Description: Light tan skin tone. Decent Muscular size for 11 years old. Scar going across his chest and straight on his left cheek. White hair, Blue eyes. His eyes show no kindness, even during sadness.

What's up with the 'showing no kindness, even during sadness'?  When you're sad, are you kind?  Also, edit the third sentence under the 'clothing'.  The sentence conveys a rather vague meaning, and the gramma in it... well, just plain sucks.

Background

Hitsugaya was born into a family who did not have a lot of time for him. His dad was a Jounin and was not at home a lot due to missions. His mother was chuunin but wasn't as busy. So during her free time, she was teaching Hitsugaya basic techniques. For

A lot of his life Hitsugaya didn't have any fun in his life due to either Training or just straight up being ignored by his parents and peers. So one of the things he did during his free time was art.

But in the first sentence, you just said that the family did not have time for him.  From the way the sentences are worded, it sounds as if Hitsugaya's mother had plenty of time.

At age nine, one incident happened when his father became drunk due to a failed B class mission. He abused Hitsugaya and slashed at Hitsugaya with kunai's. Now Hitsugaya has a scar across his chest and one going up his face. He and his father never got along well again after that. Hitsugaya's eyes changed on that day to from innocent and heart warming to angry and bitterness

A chance to make the background longer and more interesting!  Describe what happened; 'abused' is a rather ambiguous word.  How did Hitsugaya respond to his father's actions?  Did he just sit there while being shredded with kunais?

His days at the academy weren't too great for him as well. His peers did not want to be around him because of his intimidating eyes, but Hitsugaya did not know this, so he came to the idea that he did not need any friends. During his free time he just hung in the trees listening to nature. In the academy he was talented in ninjutsu and taijustu but had no skills at all when it came to Genjutsu. He passed the academy with nice flying colors.

How can you pass the academy with 'nice' flying colors if you have no skills when it came to Genjutsu?  2/3 of the Academy techniques are Genjutsus; or, at least, 1 of the 3 are.

Now he is in the real world, ready to do everything on his own. Unfortunally, his dad still doesn't see eye to eye and is not impressed with Hitsugaya's skills so that's the motivation for him to become better than his pops.

Personality: Sereis all the time. He likes to be alone and away from a lot of crowds, unless its girls. He's an artist and likes to draw unrealistic possibilities. Hitsugaya likes to just hang in trees and be alone. He really does not like people who act stupid. He finds it Arrogant and pointless.

Sereis- is this serious?  "He finds it..." What is 'it'?  Do you mean 'they'?  Why is Hitsugaya only friendly with girls?  (Omg! Another way to lengthen and make your background more interesting!

Likes: Girls, movies, art, games, and girls, lots of girls

Dislikes: People ragging on his hair color and comparing them to his complexion. Stupidity.

Favorite~

-Food: Pizza

-Color: Red

-Music Genre: Rap, Rock (Linkin Park.)

-Book Genre: Fantasy, action adventure

-Hangout: Usually in the tree where he can be alone

Take out the part aboutLinkin Park; they don't exist in this world.

Level: 0

TXP: 0

-Stats (out of 500)-

(Health Power) 80

(Stamina) 60

(Chakra) 65

(Taijutsu) 70

(Defense) 20

(Ninjutsu) 50

(Resistance) 30

(Genjutsu) Sealed

(Concentration) 20

(Speed) 60

(Accuracy) 20

(Evasion) 25

Skills

Usually, it is best to put how many skill points you have left, for reasons of organization and other people having an easier time to see how your skill points are layed out.

Sealed Genjutsu cannot use any Genjutsu techniques N/A +2 1

Merciful whenever you would deal the finishing blow in combat to an opponent, you must let them live with one HP left, only applies once a battle. N/A +1

Unsavory Chakra Your chakra, just for some reason, turns creatures which are really well attuned to chakra flows away from you, which includes the vast majority of summoned creatures. -25% to all summoning attempts. You must have a summoning technique to use this N/A +2 1

You can't have this skill.  Notice that last sentence?  Yup.  You don't have a summoning technique, so take this skill out.

Slow to adapt a negative for being in terrain not of your current village. Gives -%10 speed when not in your village's terrain N/A +1 1

Extreme Endurance Your strength far exceeds simple endurance. For a number of posts equal to your rank in this skill, you can continue to fight using your HP in place of your Stamina, once your stamina reaches 0. You may only use Taijutsu techniques during these posts, and when the skill expires you immediately pass out (or worse, at a Kage's discretion) regardless of any other skill you may have. This is your "last wind." N/A -2 1

Natural Growth (Insert Stat) a ninja with this gains +5 to the specified stat every level. N/A -2

Which stat has the Natural Growth?

Subtle Elementals (Fire Jutsu) you may learn an elemental jutsu that is not from your village (IE: Fire jutsus in Mist village). Remember that you must specify which element you bought with this skill (Fire, Mist, Wind, Earth, Lightning, Grass, Sound) N/A -1 Once for every village

The Twisted Colors You may create techniques from two different elements. Subtle Elementals -1 1

Techniques;

Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique)

Type: Genjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 10 Genjutsu

Effects: Adds +5 evasion and +5 accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it.

Description: Creates an illusionary replica of the user. It is unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as a good distraction.

Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)

Type: Genjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 5 Genjutsu

Effects: Change your appearance.

Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You can still use the features of the thing you can become, e.g. use the claws of a clawed animal, but not to the extent of if you were that thing.

Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique)

Type: Ninjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 10 Ninjutsu

Effects: Evade the next attack aimed at you. You are unable to attack the opponent the turn you use this. You can only use this 3 times per battle. This technique cannot be used to dodge Ninjutsu, Taijutsu or Genjutsu Techniques.

Description: A lifesaver, and a must-have technique. With this technique, the user is able to swap their body with a nearby object, usually a log, which will take the full force of any incoming blows for them, while they retreat to safe ground or search for an opening

Other Jutsus:

Kage Buyou

Type: Taijutsu

Rank: Gennin

Cost: 40

Effect: The opponents skip his next response phase.

Description: A technique used to attach the user to their opponents shadow. Once done, the victim is in a vulnerable position to a more damaging attack. Such as Initial Lotus or less advanced attacks, like the Lion Combo.

Beginning (Akebono)

Type: Ninjutsu

Rank: Gennin

Cost: 40

Damage: 30

Effect: Half of any damage dealt by this technique is absorbed back as life. Description: A lash of vapor swipes through the opponent, drawing at their very chakra and essence and lashing back to the user, revitalizing them.

Head: Village Amulet (no bonus-must be worn SOMEWHERE on your body)

-Neck:

-Body:

-Waist:

-Forearm(s):

-Hand(s):

-Thigh(s):

-Calve(s):

-Feet:

Weapons:

-Main Weapon:

Weapon:

-Un-equipped Slot one:

-Un-equipped Slot two:

-Un-equipped Slot three:

Items--

-Pouch: 3 Shuriken, 3 Kunai, and/or 4 Needles

-Items in Vault: Nothing

-Money on hand: $125

Update Log~

Character Approval: (May 20, 2006 by arashi)

Leveled up: (when? link it please)

Exp Earned: (when? where? why? link it please)

~Money Log~ 0

~Battle Log~

Wins: 0

Losses: 0

Draws: 0

~Mission Log~

Rank D:

Rank C:

Rank B:

Rank A:

One last thing- please do not be so rude to the moderators and admin; they can kick your ass. ^^

EDIT:

-bow- Sorry to Sako-san for stealing his way of offering criticism. ^^;;

Edited May 24, 2006 by Harlequin

[Seigen]

Ok ill fix this stuff. as for natural growth... i didnt put it on yet because im lvl 0 inless tht counts as a lvl

[Guest Rara-chan]

Hitsugaya was born into a family who's father did not have a lot of time for him. His dad was a Jounin and was not at home a lot due to missions. His mother was chuunin but wasn't as busy. So during her free time, she was teaching Hitsugaya basic techniques. For

A lot of his life Hitsugaya didn't have any fun in his life due to either Training or just straight up being ignored by his parents and peers. So one of the things he did during his free time was art.

I'd just like to point out one thing that Harleykin missedi. o.o

This paragraph explodes between 'For' and 'A'

You should probably fix that. o_O

Also, when you said that your character isn't kind, even in sadness... Did you mean that he's not kind when others are sad?

Edited May 24, 2006 by Asphyxiate