Guest lemonwinhead Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 (edited) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~User Info~ -Username: lemonwinhead -Posting: At least once a day if not more -Time Zone: Central ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Basics~ Name: Kitsuo Seta Village: Grass Clan: no-name clan Age: 12 Gender: male ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Appearance~ -Height: 4' 7" -Weight: 100 -Hair: Seta has neck lengh hair. It is a deep purple color. -Eyes: Seta's right eye is a normal redish eye while his left he is absent of a pupil. It is just white...,ut he usually keeps that eye covered up with his hair. -Clothing: He wears a loosely fitting white shirt, which has sleeves that go about 3 inches pass his hand. His shirt is draping over some greenish white pants which look like Goku's pants from Dragon Ball Z (just greenish White). If you don't know what DBZ is than...the pants kinda look like somewhat baggy sweat pants -Physical Description: Seat's frame is small, but skinny. He doesn't have that much muscles (explains why he is so terrible in Taijutsu), he a pale white skin tone and no distinct scars. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~History~ Background: ((Ok, I remade my bio, but it has an odd set up. Seta's bio in a diary of sorts, as if he is flipping through the pages of a diary his histroy comes together for the reader)) A small boy sat in a dirt, shabed, surrounded by children playing around, in a bedroom full of similar beds. He sat with a book on his lap, flipping the pages sullenly. He raised his head form the pages of the book and look at the window. As he stared he began to see his reflection, then began to focus more on his pupil less eye. He looked back at his book and read the first pages… It was morning, and daddy was sobbing about failing his test, again. He did this twice a year. The man tried to pass the Chunnin Selection Exam, and never did. A man of fourty who was still a gennin...he ought to give up, he's just a loser. Mommy would often comfort him and heal the wounds he got; she is so strong, I wonder if all females are this strong…and are all males this weak… The boy sat on the side of his bed as he raised his hand towards his face, near his right eye. He turned to the next page in his book Daddy tried to teach me some taijutsu today, even when he's to weak to take care of himself. I told him that he was weak and couldn't teach me anything, which was the truth, but he started yelling at me. He got in my face and made me mad so I said some bad things to him, even though they were true and this time he got angry. I don't know why he did it, I was only telling the true about him being a weak b!*ch ninja. I guess daddy didn't think it was the truth so he hurt me in the eye. He stabbed me in the eye. When I woke up I saw mommy's face and a bright light…it was peaceful. I could see out of my right eye again. She told me it would be ok and I would never see that bad man again. She told me he ran away and was killed by another shinobi. She is my hero. Seta's mother replaced his eye with a pupil less eye after his father stabbed him. From guilt, Seta's father ran away from the Kusa village and was counted as a missing nin. He eventually was tracked down and killed by a hunter nin. I asked her about my eye, she said she replaced it with a special eye. Mommy said this eye is a famous mark for Kusa ninja. She said that even one of the most powerful ninja had this type of eye. Mommy said that the eye was white… The boy slammed the book as he thought about that color…white. White...the color sent the boy shivering. He reached up to touch the replaced eye, which reminded him of his greatest trial... At the time, there was a Kusa jounnin kidnapping kids to do mental experimentation on them. The jounnin's goal was to make a jutsu that would mentally cripple the opponent. When I took the first bite out of my mango I felt my body get very stiff…then I couldn't move. Mom...where were you? I heard a voice behind me, it said that I was a good specimen. Everything started to get black around me until I couldn't see anything. I woke up in a room…a white room. There is nothing but a light bulb on the top of the room. I wonder how long I have to stay here… The boy hurriedly rushed to another page, remembering now the horrific things that befell him after that day. Its been two days, and this white light is starting to hurt my eyes. It just stays on, all day long. At least I have my journal; they didn't take it from me… Five days now, and just as I got used to that light, they turned it off. Its beginning to bug me. The lights go off just long enough for me to adjust, then they turn on again to blind me... Nine days. Lights gone now. Dark...finally… 10...lights blinding...lights...noises… Been 2 months…damn light, sound...darkness… 5 month now….where are my mangoes mommy, mangoes… The boy stayed in that room for 7 more months, but he stopped writing in this journal. He just stayed hunched up in the room rocking back and fourth. When he would wake up from his sleep, there would already be food in the room for him to eat. After the five months, the Kusa Anbu got a good lead on who was kidnapping the children and they decided to bust him that day. The jounnin died in the fight with the Anbu, but because he died he never told where the children were. It took two months of searching to find 17 cells that had children in them. They were hidden deep in the Kusa woods which is why it took so long to find. Fifteen of the children in the cells had already died. When the boy was rescued he was hunched up in the corner, eyes wide open. His mother was accompanying the Anbu and when she saw her child she rushed to comfort him. As he left the building he looked back at the Anbu destroying it…with fire. He watched fire burn the building as they left, and felt it as his second savior, ensuring he'd never go back there. The boy's recollection of that day was fuzzy, but even those words in that book, written sloppily, as his handwriting had gotten during those twelve months, could spark the dreadful memories. The boy had lived in the dark for days, and the sudden light made him snap, made him lose himself and all recollection of who had come into the room. It wasn't until months after the incident that he'd even remember who it was that "saved" him. It was her…not him who saved me. She is my savior, whoever this woman is…mom, that's what she wants he to call her. She is strong and I am weak. It's because I am a boy. I hope I'm strong enough to do this…remove the boy in me. And so the boy tried to remove is *manhood* I can't, it hurts too much. The kunai is to sharp, I can't remove the thing that makes me weak, this extension. I can't remove it because I am too weak and I am to weak because I am a boy. The female truly is stronger… After that painful recollection, the boy opened the journal the journal to the final pages… Its been five months since the White Room, and this one who calls herself "mom" lives with me. She's nice, and never asks what happened, so I never have to tell her, makes it nice here. She says she's going to meet some guy named Messingnin, whoever that is. She says I can't come, so I'm going to stay with some man who she knows. He's going to stay in our house with me. The boy flipped a few pages, and skimmed over when he had finally decided that he'd leave the old man by using his mother's medical supplies from his house to knock the man out, and give him some time to catch up to "mom" and "Messingnin." He came upon the page that brought him here, and read it tenderly… I left my home with little but myself, figuring I'd go visit Mr.Messingnin, and maybe have some mangoes. I found something a bit different, however... Blood, its truly a wonderful color, too bad it is accociated with such bad things. I saw blood and Mr. Messingnin standing over the center of the bodies. Then as I looked closer, I saw something else, I saw…my mother. She was in pain, I could tell and I finally realized that it was her, she was my savior from the white place. This man, Messingnin, he will kill her; he will kill my savior, my mother. I can't let him, I can't. There is a kunai on the ground, mother, I will help you, I will put you to rest. I picked up the kunai and cut my mommy's throat, so she wouldn't die painfully at the hands of messingnin ((If you haven't guessed it, this is Seta's way of saying Missing Nin)). The Anbu came in after I put mommy to rest, but they didn't catch Messingnin, he ran away when he heard them. At least my mommy didn't die painfully… The boy shut the book, staring out of the window of the Orphanage, and watching people and children below. He felt and eye grow wet, but blinked it away before he began to cry. Seta hadn't cried since the funeral, and he wouldn't now... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Persona~ Personality: Seta is shy when you first meet him, he will rarely talk a lot, but when you get to know him you fing out that he has traits of schizoid personality disorder. He will avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. He genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish to be the "popular" ninja. He can sometimes be perceived as humorless and distant from is teammates. If you do get Seta to talk to you, you will see that he lust for power.. Ninjutsu power and looks down on taijutsu. He believes that the strong survive and the weak will eventually die. People who disagree with him, he tends to end up hating for life. He is also insane, but intelligent. He has no regard for human life or feelings. Likes: Seta likes red , fire (he sees it as his second savior), and mangoes (he just likes 'em) Dislikes: Seta dislikes the color white and fire (because they destroy trees which make mangoes and since he is insane, it works out with him still liking it) ~Favorite~ (Characters' favorite...) -Food: Tree Leaves -Color: ...Red -Music Genre: Would rather listen to music made by nature (ie, birds cirping, rain, etc) -Book Genre: Ninjutsu Scrolls -Hangout: Anywhere under a tree that smells like dew ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Ninja Stats~ Rank: Gennin Level: 0 TXP: 0 -Stats (Health Power) 100 (Stamina) 30 (Chakra) 80 (Taijutsu) 0 (Defense) 10 (Ninjutsu) 80 (Resistance) 40 (Genjutsu) 20 (Concentration) 40 (Speed) 40 (Accuracy) 40 (Evasion) 20 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Skills~ Remaining Skill Points: 3 Skills Gifted [Ninjutsu] -1 When you place points to your stats, the chosen stat gets a +25% reward from training (Rounded down). Ninjutsu Mastery -1 Jutsus of your villages element will do an extra +5 damage Contract Manager (Fox) -1 Every time you take this skill, you may summon one additional type of animal (You must still get a contract)You may take this as many times as you want additional contracts. You cannot summon anything without this skill Subtle Elementals (Fire) -1 You may learn an elemental jutsu that is not from your village (IE: Fire jutsus in Mist village). Remember that you must specify which element you bought with this skill (Fire, Mist, Wind, Earth, Lightning, Grass, Sound) Skill Name: Assasin Tactics -1 Bloodline: N/A Description: Effect: Increase speed and "chance to dodge" by 10% each. Decrease resistance and defense by 10% each. Cost: -1 Advancement Seal (taijutsu) +1 You only get 50% of your stat reward for the specified stat. May take this 12 times, once per stat. Narcissist +1 Is stunned for a post the first time damage is taken Skill Name: Weak Muscles +2 Description: Your body is weak and frail making your physical attacks weaker. Effect: Creates a cap for how high your Taijutsu atribute can be. 10 at 0-1 level a and add ten to the cap for each level after that. Skill Name: Psychosis Cost: +2 Description: Character is prone to slight fits of seemingly insane moments. However, this is far from the truth. In all truth, the character does little more than experience hallicinatory visions revolving around vision, religion, self-blame, etc. Overall, it is a mixture of schizophrenia, bi-polar, etc. Effect: Roll a d20 every other turn. If 1-10, your character suffers from the inability to respond to the outside world, trapped within a mental prison of hellish nightmares. If 11-20, you continue to think/feel as a normal shinobi would Skills learned from Jounins: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Techniques~ Basic Academy Jutsus: Name: Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique) Type: Genjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 10 Genjutsu Description: Creates an illusionary replica of the user. It is unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as a good distraction. Damage: None Effects: Adds +5 evasion and +5 accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it. Name: Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique) Type: Genjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 5 Genjutsu Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You can still use the features of the thing you can become, e.g. use the claws of a clawed animal, but not to the extent of if you were that thing. Damage: None Effects: Change your appearance. Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique) Type: Ninjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 10 Ninjutsu Description: A lifesaver, and a must-have technique. With this technique, the user is able to swap their body with a nearby object, usually a log, which will take the full force of any incoming blows for them, while they retreat to safe ground or search for an opening. You can only use this 3 times per battle. Damage: None Effects: Evade the next attack aimed at you. You are unable to attack the opponent the turn you use this. You can only use this 3 times per battle. This technique cannot be used to dodge Ninjutsu, Taijutsu or Genjutsu Techniques Other Jutsus Kuchiyose no Jutsu (Summoning Technique) Type: Ninjutsu Rank: Gennin Cost: x Chakra (depends on summon level, see summoning rules) Damage: N/A Effect: Allows you to summon one animal. (See Summoning rules for more info). Requires the skill "Contract Manager" to preform. Description: Having signed a contract in blood, any ninja with this Ninjutsu technique can summon a beast, or beasts, from another plane of existence to use in battle. They must use their own blood as a "sacrifice" to summon them, after performing the hand seals corresponding with their animal and marking their point of summoning on the ground with both hands. I summon Foxes. Also got permission from Yachiru. Mythical Fire Flower (Katon Housenka) Type: Ninjutsu (Fire) Rank: Gennin Cost: 20 per fireball Damage: 20 per fireball Effect: This skill may be used to launch multiple fireballs in one action. Each fireball beyond the first becomes progressively easier to dodge; add 20 to the relevant stat when attempting to dodge any fireball beyond the first. This skill may also be used to target multiple people. One fireball per target suffers no negative penalties, but if ever multi-targeting and striking any target with more than one fireball, that target receivs a bonus of 30 to the relevant stat to dodge each fireball. Description: The ninja draws in a large breath of fire and shoots it out in many quite fast, small fireballs. Due to the nature the fireballs deal less damage than a single attack but may be used to hammer a target or strike multiple foes. Jutsus learned from Jounins: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Inventory~ Armor: -Head: Village Amulet -Neck: -Body: -Waist: -Forearm(s): -Hand(s): -Thigh(s): -Calve(s): -Feet: Weaponry: -Main Weapon: -Sub Weapon: -Un-equipped Slot one: -Un-equipped Slot two: -Un-equipped Slot three: Items: -Pouch: 3 Shuriken, 3 Kunai, 4 Senbon Needles. -Items in Vault: Nothing. -Money on hand: $125 Animals: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Update Log~ Character Approval: (Date, and by whom) Leveled up/Exp Earned: (Link to the topic where you gain exp. points. Make sure to include a description, the amount of exp. points gained, and whether it merited a level up) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Transactions~ (How much money you have spent, when, where, and who approved it) Buy: Sell: Reward: Loss: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Battle Log~ (Practice arena battles don't count. Make sure to link to the topics. Wins: Losses: Draws: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Mission Log~ Rank D: Rank C: Rank B: Rank A: Rank S: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Edited July 5, 2006 by lemonwinhead
Guest Yachiru Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Okay starting with the background, its pretty good but you should revise it an fix simple mistakes like your first sentence needs ',' instead of a a period. (yeah i forgot what its called so what XD). Your attacks get bonuses of each 20 of the stat corresponding. Like a punch would use the tai mod and there fore having 20 of it will do and extra 5 damage. So it would be good if they were multiple's of 20 and not 5's. Then there are your skills and Jutsu. Skills Link http://www.ninja-academy-online.com/skills.htm Justu Link http://www.ninja-academy-online.com/gennintechs.htm Basic Academy Jutsu that need to be on there. Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique) Type: Genjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 10 Genjutsu Effects: Adds +5 evasion and +5 accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it. Description: Creates an illusionary replica of the user. It is unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as a good distraction. Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique) Type: Genjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 5 Genjutsu Effects: Change your appearance. Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You can still use the features of the thing you can become, e.g use the claws of a clawed animal, but not to the extent of if you were that thing. Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique) Type: Ninjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 10 Ninjutsu Effects: Evade the next attack aimed at you. You are unable to attack the opponent the turn you use this. You can only use this 3 times per battle. This technique cannot be used to dodge Ninjutsu, Taijutsu or Genjutsu Techniques. Description: A lifesaver, and a must-have technique. With this technique, the user is able to swap their body with a nearby object, usually a log, which will take the full force of any incoming blows for them, while they retreat to safe ground or search for an opening. Dont go to the academy because it is not functional here. As in no one is doing it and there is no mod/admin that is running it, they already have there hands full as it is.
Guest lemonwinhead Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I changed my profile bio a tad bit. I also fixed my stats too.
Guest Yachiru Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 (edited) looks good you cant have summoning technique unless you have made them. Arashi has ferret summons but those need to be learned from him. If you want you can have the summons i made. Or i can help you make them. ((the best thing would just add another jutsu and learn your summons later)) other then that everything looks good.oh yeah you have 5 stats pts left add that to speed to make 30 then PM an Mod.admin to approve it. Oh you should have a separate colum for skills. Skills Hindering Skills also you need to paste on what they do and stuff, here an example Skills Gifted: [Ninjutsu] When you place points to your stats, the chosen stat gets a +25% reward from training (Rounded down). -1 Edited June 28, 2006 by Yachiru
Guest lemonwinhead Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 k, give me the link for ur summons and ill decide which one i want...((i need to summon))). and i did made the meerkat summon. see summon creation
Guest Yachiru Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 summon are here http://ninja-academy-online.invisionzone.c...?showtopic=6249 they have there approvals but the mod/admins are to lazyt to more my topic >.>
Maelstrom Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Personally, I don't much care for the background. You poisoned someones food. How did you get the poison? Also, if you actually did and thereafter left the village in pursuit of this missing-nin, you'd be branded one yourself. I would suggest changing it. Also, I would recommend keeping all of your stats except Health, Stamina, Chakra, and Speed in multiples of 20 as that is how the mod system works out. And please put the cost by each of your chose skills/hindering traits. Oh, and one more thing. I believe you need to a Prodigy in order to be a gennin at age 10. I may be mistaken, but I'd recommend choosing an age from 12+. Other than that, it looks good. Just let me know when you've fixed everything I stated above and you'll recieve my approval.
Guest Yachiru Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 sure u can have my a summons XD well now we just need two more approvals and hehe, u will be my subordinate mwuahhahaha
Maelstrom Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Once again, interesting background but the fact that he killed a village elder doesn't fly with me. He'd be caught and punished, so change it to something along the lines of 'he put him to sleep.' That would be more understandable. Do that, and you will recieve my approval.
Maelstrom Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Better, however, a different poison that would actually put the target to sleep would be much better. Regardless... APPROVED Good job.
Tantan Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Unless I am mistaken you have 10 stat points too many. Not sure but maybe its from this Gifted [Ninjutsu] -1 When you place points to your stats, the chosen stat gets a +25% reward from training (Rounded down). Remember, its only FROM TRAINING, so your character doesnt start out with any additional stat points. Otherwise everything looks good, and feel free to correct me if my math is wrong there.
Maelstrom Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Ah, you are correct Tantan. My apoloies for not catching that earlier. As soon as you fix that then my approval will still stand.
shizuki Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Hey staff, continuity? I surely hope you don't mean Zetsu of the Akatsuki, lemonwinhead. He's long dead by this point. Also, care to explain why he's got a fire jutsu if he doesn't like fire?
Ozma Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Unless Zetsu ran off to the forest and became a tall and mighty oak, home to a family of cute little squirrels, he's dead. Also, the biggest part of your character's personality looks quite familiar, almost as if it's from that one personality disorder test... (read: it is).
Guest lemonwinhead Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 (edited) ok, i fixed the thing wioth zetsu and explained why he learned a fire jutsu. And he does have Schiziod personality disorder... Edited June 29, 2006 by lemonwinhead
Rei Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 (edited) Comments: Overall, his history is decent outside of a few plot holes that I can't get my mind around. ok, i fixed the thing wioth zetsu and explained why he learned a fire jutsu. And he does have Schiziod personality disorder... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The bulk of his personality seems to be stolen from a medical text book. Even though you've managed to describe his disorder readers are given a rather narrow view of your character and the Schizoid Personality Disorder; if anything the lad's a walking stereotype. Suggestions: 1)Integrate a few SPD traits into his personality. 2)Try to expand the personality without going into too much about SPD 3)Describe SPD in your own words rather than steal it from a test or text book Edited June 29, 2006 by Rei
Rei Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Hmmm…I'll give you an approval, unless someone else has a problem.
Guest lemonwinhead Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I fixed EVERYTHING that everyone who checked my profile asked for....please, I need that approval. I've been a memeber for about a month now
shizuki Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Here's some tips for you: -Don't use words you don't really know. It seems to me as though you scanned through a medical text and pulled random phrases from it. You use a lot of words and phrases awkwardly in your background. -Run stuff through a spellchecker. -I don't like how your character goes through major personality changes in the drop of a hat. A kid like that would be a psychological mess on the order of requiring institutionalization. The age at which each of the pivotal events occurred would have a major impact on the development of your character. Please try to explain how far apart the major events were.
Guest lemonwinhead Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 ok, I modified the persona and bio a little bit. ((I want Seta to be mentally insane. Like to the point of the Joker from Batman. And do truley insne people need a reason to be insane, no, that is part of what makes them insane.))
