Awaiken Tsume

[Kassiel]

~User Data~

-Posting: Generally once a day.

-Time Zone: PST

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Basics~

Name: Awaiken, Tsume

Village: Kumogakure no Sato

Nationality: Kumogakure no Sato

Clan: Awaiken

Age: 22

Gender: Male

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Appearance~

-Height: 6'

-Weight: 157 Lbs.

-Hair Color: Black, and longish, it hangs just down into his eyes.

-Eye Color: Ice Blue, they shine abnormally, seeming to see more than is there.

-Clothing: Long, tattered black denim pants wrap loosely around his long legs, and rough leather boots protect his feet. He wears a loose black jacket, which is left open at the front unless it is incredibly cold. The kanji for hope "希望" sit dense and black on the front of an otherwise plain white shirt under the jacket, just visible. A silver colored, segmented steel gauntlet covers his right hand and a thin black leather glove fits over his left, so as to cover the mark of his clan, a permanent reminder of where he came from.

-Physical Description: Tsume is of average height, and is very thin. A hidden sheathe of muscle covers his body, thin and wiry, he's built more for speed than strength. Scars litter his ghostly pale skin from his tough training regimen, mixed in with fresh burns along his arms from his bloodline jutsu. Another set of scars run horizontally down the underside of his left wrist, about halfway to his elbow. Long, jet black hair runs just below his eyes, which never seem to smile when he does. His Hitai-Ate rests on his left wrist and flows seamlessly from his glove into the jacket.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~History~

Background:

Chapter 1: Beginnings

Tsume had always been odd. It was just him. He had a few very good friends, but new just about everyone. He read constantly, despite the jeers of the other children. He never really understood why looked at him the way they did, why they scorned him and cast him out.

It got better as the years went on, reaching a peak at about twelve. He had many friends, and was no longer an outcast. He was a rebel, though, causing trouble wherever he went. As he went along, a girl caught his eye, Kayra by name. She was stunningly beautiful, even at the young age of fourteen. Shoulder length raven black hair, and almond shaped chocolate brown eyes, she took Tsume's breath away.

Tsume had known her brother, Burado, for four years, and because of that he already had a connection to Kayra. As he grew to know her, he grew more in love with her. She became his life. He even stopped reading, for a time. Every breath he took was drawn for her, and when he looked around he saw naught but her image.

He eventually had the nerve to tell her how he felt, but not in his own words. He wrote a poem, oddly enough, and gave it to her. She read it, and with tears in her eyes denied him. She told him that soon enough they could be together, but just not now.

He nodded, keeping the hopes high in his heart for someday they would surely be together. He kept near her, being a friend and nothing more. He and Burado excelled in the academy, racing ahead of their classmates. Some days, soon before graduation, he noticed kayra walking side by side with a boy he'd never seen before, and as he watched, he leadned over and kissed her, and she did nothing but kiss him back.

She had lied to him.

This realization shattered Tsume, and he lost his love for the life that surrounded him. He had never realized it, but Kayra had become his entire life, and it was as if his life had been yanked away from him in one fell swoop, leaving him shattered and empty.

He began actively seeking his own death, fighting recklessly, training until he could no long stand, or even move. He began to cut himself as well. Dragging a razor across his wrist over and over until the skin was in tatters. It was as if by doing this the pain bled out of him, quite literally flowing out of his wrists with the rotting stench of worthless living flesh.

He attended the graduation test with blood trickling lightly onto his hands as a result of a scab broken open. He performed top in his class, passing every requirement flawlessly. He shunned the religion of his parents. If the sun was so powerful, it wouldn't let him hurt this way. He began to dress in dark clothing, wearing almost exclusively black.

It's been two years since the day of his graduation, and he's been training excessively ever since. The wounds on his wrists have long since healed over, but the scars still remain. A reminder of the life that was once his.

Chapter 2: Aging

After the defeat of the N.C.I.A, Tsume found that he had little to do, and so he devoted almost all of his time to training, making himself stronger. He trained excessively in the use of ninjutsu, because he found that to be what he was best at. Since he relied so heavily on his chakra, he also trained fiercely in that, making sure that he had enough power to enforce the jutsu that he was throwing around.

There were long periods of time when Tsume would be unable to train or to do anything really, simply because he didn't have the energy to face the world on that particular day, showing that the angst was still eating at him. On those days, he would go out into the city, and watch the people, happy even through their hardships. At first, he was angry at them, for being happy with no reason. Over time, though, he realized that he had no reason to be un-happy, and he became angry at himself for this fact.

Nearly a year after the defeat of the N.C.I.A., Tsume was gradually coming to a happy medium, knowing that sometimes one couldn't do anything about feeling down, but also knowing that sometimes one just had to fight to keep ones-self up. He trained harder, worked harder, doing missions on the side, small things, to give him some steady income, and pass the time. Little things, D-rank, and hardly worthy of a ninja's time, or so he thought. But through these missions, he grew socially, able to deal with people that both irked him, and seemed to be irked at him for no particular reason. He learned how to move in a crowd, and how to keep his cool under pressuring situations.

Growing, growing, it's all he could do from where he was. He went from an angsty little child to a decent, if somewhat unstable, shinobi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Persona~

Personality: When he was younger, he was very aloof, Tsume preferred to stay on the fringes of large groups without actually interacting much with the people themselves. The few close friends that he had would have described him as intellectual but unstable. He often viewed the world in a state of sad inevitability, taking the Philosophy that he could die any time, the tragedy being that he didn't.

As he's aged, however, Tsume has found that life isn't as bad as he once thought it was, trying harder to look at the bright side of life, and of people. He's matured, and is now readily able to deal with crowds of people, as a shinobi should. His eyes now smile when he does, and the angry depressed child that he once was is now quieted, if not gone.

Likes: Tsume loves to read, it is his passion and his afliction.

Dislikes: He hates people that lie to their friends, with a passion. He believes that it's unpardonable.

~Favorite~

-Food: Onigiri, easy to carry, delicious, and in most cases good for you.

-Color: Black, a deep black that looks as if it dims all the light in the area.

-Music Genre: Anything with a beat, a good melody, and lots of guitar. Something he can lose himself in.

-Book Genre: Fantasy, Long and detailed.

-Hangout: In the forest, just outside of the city.

-Weapon: Shortstaff. He loves the versatility, both in combat, and out of it.

Edited September 28, 2009 by Kassiel

[Kassiel]

Ninja Stats

Rank: Chuunin

Level: 25

TXP: 5017

To Next Level: 383

-Stats(out of 3000)-

(Health Power) 240

(Stamina) 120

(Chakra) 360

(Taijutsu) 80

(Defense) 220 [300]

(Ninjutsu) 380 [440]

(Genjutsu) 280

(Concentration) 220

(Speed) 300

(Accuracy)360

(Evasion)440 [480]

Taijutsu Bonus: +20 Damage

Defense Bonus: -75 Damge

Ninjutsu Bonus: +110 Damage

Genjutsu Bonus: +70 Stat Reduction

-70 Stat Reduction

+20 Ghost Damage

Concentration Bonus: +11% Chance to hit With Genjutsu

+11% Chance to dodge Genjutsu

+4% Chance to crit with taijutsu

-4% Cost to ninjutsu

Accuracy Bonus: +18% Chance to hit

Evasion bonus: +24% Chance to dodge

Ranged Weapon Bonus: +55 Damage

Edited June 17, 2010 by Kassiel

[Kassiel]

~Skills~

Skill Point Tally: 20/21

+Level 0: 2

+1-10: 10

+11-25: 8

+Chuunin Rank: 2

Remaining Skill Points: 0

Skills:

Positive:

Perfect Storm

Effect: The user can use Cloud jutsu without having the ability to use Wind, Water, or even Twisted Colors.

Description: Having lived in Kumo and being taught with cloud jutsu the ninja is able to use such jutsu without the great effort normally required by this.

Requirements: Kumo Ninja

Cost: 0

Ranks: 1

Skill Name: Light Absorbtion

Bloodline: Ranpu

Clan: Awaiken

Description: Allows the clan member to absorb light through receptors in their skin.

Effect: Allows user to learn clan jutsu.

Cost: 1 SP (Per rank)

Rank 1: Allows user to learn clan jutsu

Rank 2: Allows user to take chuunin rank clan jutsu.

Name: Subtle Elementals [Fire]

Effect: You may learn an elemental jutsu that is not from your village (IE: Fire jutsus in Mist village). Remember that you must specify which element you bought with this skill (Fire, Mist, Wind, Earth, Lightning, Grass, Sound)

Cost: 1

Name: Subtle Elementals [earth]

Effect: You may learn an elemental jutsu that is not from your village (IE: Fire jutsus in Mist village). Remember that you must specify which element you bought with this skill (Fire, Mist, Wind, Earth, Lightning, Grass, Sound)

Cost: 1

The Twisted Colors [Rank 2]

You may create and use techniques using combinatorial elements of complexity equal to or less than your rank in this skill plus one.

Requirements: The ability to use a number of elements greater than or equal to your rank in this skill plus one.

Cost: -3

The Path of the Warrior

Description: Within every class of shinobi-nin, there are scholars, medi-nin, scouts, and warriors, and of the four, the warriors are the most dedicated. This dedication to their self and their village exhibits itself within the skills of the shinobi-nin over time, and a warrior grows fairly quickly in skill in regards to their peers.

Effect: Gain 1 extra Jutsu Point every other level.

Warrior's Way: Choose Two:

-Ninjutsu: May take 2 ranks of 'Ninjutsu Mastery' for 1 skill point.

-Genjutsu: The skill 'Genjutsu Shaper' now costs 1 skill point. May take 2 ranks of 'Genjutsu Creator' for 1 skill point.

RP Guide:

-A follower of the Path of the Warrior tends to be dedicated to the arts they follow, hoping to become as best a warrior as they can be. A warrior might be a common born common talent shinobi who trains every hour of every day, or they might be a prodigy who might as well have been born in bedded in the arts. The personalities of a warrior vary, though they fight with power more often that tact.

Restriction:

-None.

Cost: -1

Ninjutsu Mastery {Fire} [Rank 4]

Ninjutsu of the chosen type of element will do an extra +40 damage. This is inclusive of modifiers.

Cost: -2 [Path of the Warrior]

Strategist

Once a battle, and only once, you may choose to have any one of your attacks become a critical hit for 1.5 times its usual damage.

Cost: -3

Genjutsu Shaper [Rank 2]

For every rank in this skill, status effects inflicted by Genjutsu will last one post longer. This will not allow you to break the maximum post duration of any status effect.

Cost: -2 [Path of the Warrior]

Genjutsu Creator [Rank 4]

Genjutsu reduces opponent's stats by 10 more points per the user's rank in this skill. [40] If the user uses a Genjutsu which deals stat damage to multiple stats then the user must choose which stats to apply the bonus to, but only in intervals of 5. This is inclusive of modifiers and does not include tank stats.

Cost: -2 [Path of the Warrior]

Shiva, The Destroyer

Offensive Ninjutsu from the user deal an additional 20% damage. This multiplier applies to the base damage of the technique, and in this case and this case only - allows you to break the base damage cap. The taker of this skill may not use Genjutsu.

i.e.; Damage = 100[base] *1.2 +100[Ninjutsu] = 220, 220 - 100[Resistance] = 120 Damage.

Cost: -3

Hindering:

Overcome Your Problems [Afraid of the Dark]

With this skill, you may get rid of a hindering trait you have. You must spend X skill points (X being how many points the hindering trait gave you) to remove it.

Cost: -1 Total

Name: Afraid of the Dark

Description: In the long years that the Awaiken Clan spent in the mountains around Kumo, they were always in the presence of Light, either fire, or the sun. They gradually began to develope an intolerence for darkness. As a result of this, they see less well in the dark, and they have a resounding fear of it as well.

Effects: When in a dark area, -20 Accuracy, and when a move is used that makes use of shadows, IE Shadow Posession Jutsu, the user is afflicted with the status condition Scared.

Points: +1 SP

Mandatory for all Awaiken members.

Skills learned from Jounins: 0/4

Edited June 17, 2010 by Kassiel

[Kassiel]

~Techniques~

Jutsu Point Tally: 45/54

+ Level 0: 4

+ Levels 1-9: 9

+ Path of the Warrior begins at level nine.

+ Levels 10-15: 6

+ Levels 16-25: 20

+Chuunin Rank: 5

+ Path of the Warrior: 8

+December Holidays: 4

+Graduation: 2

Basic Academy Jutsus:

Name: Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique)

Type: Genjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 10 Genjutsu

Description: Creates an illusionary replica of the user. It is unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as a good distraction.

Damage: None

Effects: Adds +5 evasion and +5 accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it.

Name: Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)

Type: Genjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 5 Genjutsu

Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You can still use the features of the thing you can become, e.g use the claws of a clawed animal, but not to the extent of if you were that thing.

Damage: None

Effects: Change your appearance.

Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique)

Type: Ninjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 10 Ninjutsu

Description: A lifesaver, and a must-have technique. With this technique, the user is able to swap their body with a nearby object, usually a log, which will take the full force of any incoming blows for them, while they retreat to safe ground or search for an opening. You can only use this 3 times per battle.

Damage: None

Effects: Evade the next attack aimed at you. You are unable to attack the opponent the turn you use this. You can only use this 3 times per battle. This technique cannot be used to dodge Ninjutsu, Taijutsu or Genjutsu Techniques.

Other Jutsus:

Offensive Ninjutsu:

Firefly (Hotaru)

Type: Ninjutsu (Fire)

Rank: Gennin

Cost: 5

Damage: N/A

Effect: Lights dark areas

Description: Creates one to fifteen small phantom fireflies. These are beautiful to look at and light up an area very well. Excellent date jutsu, really impress your date.

Points: 1

Firefly Regime (Hotaru Ryouiki)

Type: Trap (Fire Ninjutsu)

Rank: Chuunin

Conditions: Must have x fireflies on the field from 'Hotaru'.

Cost: 4x

Damage: 5x

Effect: Sacrifice x fireflies for five damage each. This is not multi hit, maximum of 25 fireflies.

Description: Causes the fireflies summoned by Hotaru to explode in tiny fiery balls on their opponent. While only nuisances in themselves, they can deal a quite staggering amount of damage if the entire swarm blows up together.

Points: 2

Mythical Fire Flower (Katon Housenka)

Type: Ninjutsu (Fire)

Rank: Gennin

Cost: 20 per fireball, Max 60

Damage: 20 per fireball, Max 60

Effect: This skill may be used to launch multiple fireballs in one action. Each fireball beyond the first becomes progressively easier to dodge; +5% to dodge when attempting to dodge any fireball beyond the first. This skill may also be used to target multiple people. One fireball per target suffers no negative penalties, but if ever multi-targetting and striking any target with more than one fireball, that target receives a bonus of 30 to the relevant stat to dodge each fireball.

Description: The ninja draws in a large breath of fire and shoots it out in many quite fast, small fireballs. Due to the nature the fireballs deal less damage than a single attack but may be used to hammer a target or strike multiple foes.

Points: 3

Flashbang (Furashobangu)

Type: Ninjutsu (Fire)

Rank: Gennin

Cost: 40 Chakra

Damage: 20

Requirements: Must be used some time after 'Hotaru'.

Effect: -40 Accuracy for 1 turn.

Description: After summoning forth the phantom fireflies, the user 'drains' the fireflies of their light and pools it with Chakra, then hurls it at the target's face, where it explodes. The fireflies will return to their lit state after this technique.

Points: 2

Polarized Spear

Type: Ninjutsu (Lightning)

Rank: Chuunin

Cost: 60 Chakra

Damage: 75

Effect:s: n/a

Description: The user will polarize the enemy from long range and with a sudden blast they will unleash a combination of lightning chakra from their own body towards the enemy at rapid speeds.

Points: 4 [Taken at Gennin]

Raito no Rongubo - Fusen Raito Shotto [Longbow of Light - Sticky Light Shot]

Type: Ninjustu {Clan}

Clan: Awaiken

Rank: Chuunin

Cost: 36 Chakra + 12 Per turn of burn damage [Maximum of three]

Damage: 45

Effects: 15 Burn Damage per Turn [Maximum of three]

Description: The bow is created via the absorption of light into photo-sensitive receptors in the skin of an Awaiken clan member. The light is then manipulated at the expense of chakra to form a Longbow entirely made out of light. Thin, and frail looking, it is anything but. The entire bow is scathingly hot, but for the grip, which has been altered so as not to give off as much heat. It can glow a variety of colors, generally depending on the user. Multiple arrows can be fired at once, once one has had a good amount of practice of course. This technique has saved many a clan member from gruesome and painful ends. As with any good technique, there are bound to be variations, little tweaks here and there that each particular person might add to it. This particular modification takes away from speed and adds power. With a somewhat steeper chakra cost, the clan member is able to change the structure of the light so that it is viscous rather than solid. If the arrow makes contact, rather than piercing the opponent, it will scatter over them, leaving serious burns.

Points: -3

Requirements: Light Absorbtion [Rank 2]

Name: Chikara No Tsume [力の爪] (Claw of Force)

Type: Ninjutsu {Magnetic}

Rank: Chuunin

Cost: 85

Damage: 50

Effects: One turn of Impaired eyesight

Impaired Eyesight: Accuracy dropped by 10%, any technique/skill/bloodline that specifically uses the eyes must pay twice the cost (stamina/chakra) to use it. If the said tech/skill/bloodline does not have a cost it cannot be used.

Then two turns of Headache

Headache: -10% concentration, 1% health damage per turn.

Description: In the sinus bones of a healthy human being there are minute deposits of Ferric Iron. The user of this jutsu moves forward and must position their hand close to the oponent's head, this is generally done with the palm open, so as to provide a better radius of effect. The user then creates an intense magnetic field in their hand, and expands it so that it catches the Iron in the bones. They then tear their hand back, jerking the oponent forward by their sinus bones, causing an incredible amount of pain and very often fracturing the bones themselves. The amount of pain involved causes an involuntary watering of the eyes, impairing eyesight. Even after they can see though, the pain lingers on, making it hard to focus on the battle.

Points: 3

Defensive Ninjutsu:

Name: Ranpu Yoroi (Light armor)

Rank: Gennin

Type: Clan Ninjutsu

Cost: 30+3 Upkeep

Effects: Decreases damage from Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, and Basic Attacks by 10 points, and burns the opponent for 5 damage when struck.

Description: Using chakra unique to possesers of the ranpu bloodline, the user absorbs light from the area, and molds it into a weightless full body suit of armor. The armor lessens the force of attacks, and the opponent burns himself when striking it.

Points: 3

Fire Type; Cover Fire

Type: Ninjutsu (Fire)

Rank: Chuunin

Cost: 110

Damage: 50

Effect: Target Blind for 1 turn, Distracted 1 turn

Description: "The best defense is a good offense". This technique sends a small fireball into the opponent that detonates into a bright orange light as it hits. While the fire itself deals damage, Cover Fire is a technique to buy time in disabling an opponent and also creates a choice moment for the ninja that uses this to strike.

Points: 6 [Taken at Gennin]

Offensive Genjutsu:

Name: Spectrum Swirl

Type: Clan Ninjutsu {Light}

Rank: Gennin

Cost: 70

Damage: N/A

Effects: The opponent is confused for 1 turn, the turn after that, their evasion is lowered by 20, and the third turn, their accuracy is lowered by 20.

Description: The Awaiken Member locks eyes with the victim, and transfers numerous colors and patterns flashing through their mind. As the patterns gradually begin to move in time, pulsing, the victim becomes trapped in the pattern, swirling with the light, they become nausious, and cannot stand.

Points: 4

Bleeding Earth (Shukketsu Tsuchi)

Type: Genjutsu (Earth)

Rank: Chuunin

Cost: 107 Chakra

Damage: N/A

Effect: -40 to Accuracy and Evasion. Lasts 2 posts.

Description: The battlefield appears to break open at the stone ninjas command and rivers of lava come rushing up to greet the opponent, forcing them to spend much of their attention dodging and avoiding the lava, making it harder to hit or avoid the ninja using the jutsu.

Points: 8 [Taken at Gennin]

Defensive Genjutsu:

Cloud Clone (Kumo Bunshin no Jutsu)

Type: Genjutsu (Cloud)

Rank: Chuunin

Cost: 20 per clone.

Effect: Each Cloud Clone gives +10 Speed and +10 Evasion to the user. Bunshin are automatically destroyed if targetted by an attack.

Description: In similar fashion with any other clone technique, Kumo Bunshin No Jutsu can make up to several clones made out of fog/clouds from the surrounding air. Used to trick the opponent in a clever way. When the opponent hits one of these clones, it turns back into fog but lingers one the field, thus hindering his/her accuracy.

Points: 6 [Taken at Gennin]

Jutsus learned from Jounins: 0/12

Edited June 17, 2010 by Kassiel

[Kassiel]

~Inventory~

Armor:

-Head:

-Neck:

-Body:

Name: Kumogakure Chuunin Vest

Armor Placement: Chest

Description: An over-vest worn by Shinobi of the Chunnin rank. Color and style changes based on each village. It seems to be of a pure white, baring only one shoulder strap that was designed to sit along the left shoulder. It's noticeably light-weight, and allows easy maneuverability while offering moderate protection.

Attributes: +40 Defense, +40 Evasion, +15 Weapon Slots

Price: Not For Sale

-Waist:

-Forearm(s): Hitai-ate

Name: Gin Defeinda [ 銀製の擁護] (Silver Defender)

Armor Kind: Segmented Steel Plate

Body Placement: Right Arm

Attributes: +40 Defense, +60 Ninjutsu, Indestructable

Description: A thin steel bracer, stronger than it looks and polished to gleaming silver, that wraps around the user's right arm. It is not only for defense, but for offense as well, aiding and amplifying ninjutsu practiced by the user, via a very complex network of seals and symbols littered around the bracer. Naturally, one could also use this to deflect or absorb a variety of physical attacks.

Cost: $ 450

-Hand(s):

-Thigh(s):

-Calve(s):

-Feet:

Weapons:

-Main Weapon:

-Sub Weapon:

-Un-equipped Slot one:

-Un-equipped Slot two:

-Un-equipped Slot three:

Items--

-Pouch: 7 Shuriken, 6 Kunai, and 4 Needles

-Items in Vault: Nothing

-Money on hand: $175

Edited June 17, 2010 by Kassiel

[Kassiel]

~Update Log~

6.0 Sheet

Leveled up and Exp Earned:

9-24, 4000 XP, Timeskip

24-25, 100 XP, Graduation

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Money Log~

$400, Timeskip

-$450, Silver Defender

$50, Holidays

$100, Graduation

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Rank Ups~

Keeping an appointment; A new Chuunin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Battle Log~

Wins:

Losses:

Draws:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Mission Log~

Rank D:

Rank C:

Rank B:

Rank A:

Rank S:

--------------------

Edited June 17, 2010 by Kassiel

[cntrstrk14]

- You have 3000 stat points.

- I'm counting 18 SP spent, I think you counted "Overcoming Your Problems" when all it does is cancel the Hindering.

- You need a link in your log to your old sheet.

- I would suggest making "notes" of where your JP (and SP too) came from. An example from my own sheet follows. You don't have to do this, it just makes it easier for yourself as you gain higher levels.

Jutsu Points: 112 Points (527 Total)

+4 (Creation)

+15 (Levels 1-15)

+30 (Levels 16-30)

+45 (Levels 31-45)

+288 (Levels 46-118)

+5 (Chuunin Rank)

+10 (Jounin Rank)

+15 (Sennin Rank)

+118 (Scholar Skill)

[Kassiel]

Ok, finished fixing [i think] and this is ready to be looked at again.

[Kouta]

Oh my lord your emo!

Seriously? Seems a little out of place to have a full 21st century dressed emo kid spewing ninjutsu. Please defend that point of view.

[Kassiel]

Firstly, my whiney self is going to complain that you're complaining about my character haha.

Secondly, the characteristic emo boy isn't particularly so out of place in the naruto-verse. And aside from that point, Tsume's struggling to get over the angst, rather than sitting there and whining that life is so bad and awful.

He was emo, and is recovering from that particular period in his life. He no longer cuts, and he no longer fights so recklessly that it's as if he's actively seeking his own death. He wears dark colors, yes, but that's rather a good thing, from a shinobi point of view.

If you really have that much of an issue I'll just scrap this guy and create another character, because I got him approved pre-7.0, but I was really inactive for awhile, and so a fresh start might not be such a bad thing.

Just make the call.

[Kouta]

Well, I feel free to get multiple opinions. I don't think the character is hopeless. I just imagine him wearing black skinnies and a zip-up hoodie, which is too 21st century. We AREN'T in the 21st century here. Update the appearance to be more naruto-ish, and you should be okay.

And yes, I will critique your character. Thats part of the process.

[Kassiel]

Ok, I have edited the clothing.

And make note that, I never said he wore skinnies.

Whatever the case, I believe it's ready to be looked at again.

[cntrstrk14]

I believe you misunderstood me before. You are only suppose to have 2900 stat points. You had 3000. You now have 3100 stat points, still only suppose to have 2900.

Also, I suggest the following format for your jutsu tally, as it is easier to read.

Jutsu Point Tally: 41/44

+ Level 0: 4

+ Levels 1-9: 9

+ Path of the Warrior begins at level nine.

+ Levels 10-15: 6

+ Levels 16-24: 18

+ Path of the Warrior: 7

[b]Jutsu Point Tally:[/b] 41/44
[size=1][i]+ Level 0: 4
+ Levels 1-9: 9
+ Path of the Warrior begins at level nine.
+ Levels 10-15: 6
+ Levels 16-24: 18
+ Path of the Warrior: 7[/i][/size]

Also, make any edits Kouta suggests, I am only looking at numbers atm.

[Kassiel]

My apologies, I thought you meant that I was supposed to have 3000. I believe I've fixed it now.

[Kassiel]

Bump.

The sooner this gets approved, the sooner I can start roleplaying. [Again.]

[Warr]

The clothing still seems very much out of place for the Narutoverse, but not necessarily for the "NAverse". I can't say I like it or it seems like he fits well into it, clothing/set up wise. [Envisioning things as you read just doesn't make him seem verse Narutoverse or NAverse. However, it's your character, and your business what they wear, even if it's a giant palm leaf and nothing else.

He's underweight for how you describe him build wise, in addition to his height, and the fact muscle is heavier than fat.

--

On History, I know he's been pre-approved, but I'd like you to expand how he went from cutting emo-kid/rebellious 12 year old to a shinobi-nin within Kumogakure's political machine. Even if it's just a paragraph, I feel it's incomplete without some explanation.

Also, in five years he's not got over his angst? 5 years is a long time, very long time. But it's been 10 years if I've noticed correctly, according what I read the spark to his angst was at the age of 12. He's 22 now.

I'll go over it more after I've given you a chance to read and respond if you have any [civil] counters.

[Kassiel]

Ok, I have reworded his clothing and his personality.

I upped his weight from 127 to 157.

And I added more detail to the second chapter of the history.

If more needs to be done with that just let me know what your problems are and I will strive to fix them.

[Warr]

Still feels incomplete, but eh:

Approved

Edited September 28, 2009 by Warr

[Cellar Door]

Stamp.