Kilmoran Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) ~User Data~ -Posting: Once a day or more -Time Zone: Eastern Standard Time ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Vital Statistics~ Name: Shie Clan: Nara Birthplace: Konohagakure Current Residence: A nearby tree branch Age: 14 D.O.B.: May 12 2101 Sex: Male ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Appearance~ -Height: 5’ 11” -Weight: 120 -Hair Color: Black -Eye Color: Dark Grey -Clothing: An ebon, layered body suit with a variety of hidden pockets and pouches tucked away. Everything about him from his neck to the soles of his feet is questionable due to the way his clothing lays upon his body. The off piece of jewelry may adorn him, usually silver or platinum, something entirely intended to catch the light. -Physical Description: Very tall for his age, and quite lanky as well. Shie’s form is full of contradiction, as while he is large, he also weighs proportionately little. If he was to be seen without his body obscuring clothing, he would have very well structured musculature; the body of a gymnast. His fingers are long and slender like the rest of his limbs, and his skin is a pristine alabaster; almost looking like porcelain. He is known to have an abnormally long tongue as well, though it is rarely seen. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Persona~ Personality: Utterly aloof to the point of carelessness, Inquisitive, seems to lack an understanding of personal space, semi-nihilistic, Essentially without bias, Absentmindedly selfish. Likes: Knowledge, Sensory Input, New things, Shadows, "Tasting" others (Coming to understand them. Getting a "taste" for them). Dislikes: Organization, Expectations, Philosophical indoctrinations (Such as Duty and Honor just because), Children. Favorites: -Food: “Something Delicious” -Color: Utter Black -Music Genre: Anything with Heavy Bass -Book Genre: All -Hangout: Anywhere -Quirks: Identifies people by their “taste”. Tends to speak in a deep tone of voice. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Background~ Current Allegiance: Konohagakure Relationships: -Parent(s): Dead -Sibling(s): None -Significant Other(s): None -Pet(s): A pet Shadow (his own) -Teacher(s): The World -Friend(s): Eh? That rock over there will do. History: Writhing. Screaming. The alien light bombarding senses and causing terror, pain, and discomfort all around. Consciousness. Birth. Creation. Was I properly planned? Engineered for a purpose? Designed? I remember the moment of my birth in to the world. So far from my precious shadow... the only comfort I have ever had. So much coddling... so inefficient. Treated as an invalid, harmed for mistakes, for being at all. Hidden away after social graces of ... of false happiness and cheerful lying was spread from lips to ear then to the wind... but always falling back to shadow... where those who listen hear. Flesh is weak to cuts, burns, and the hitting. Over and over... displeased the ale one was... frightened the female one was. The marks still remain even as they rot. The memory eternal.. fleetingly so. Struck firmly by a random utensil between the throat and jugular, dug in deeply, twisted under he jaw in to the tonsils.. the male one suffocated, as I recall. My movement was not effective. Inefficient, but it did allow for the intended result. The female one... she had protected my flesh with her own. Though she seemed surprised when The male one fell, gagging and slobbering upon the floor. No.. not surprised... what... yes ...yes... the female one was horrified. A strange reaction indeed. After the female one died I left. The world was much more interesting than the cabin I was confined to in my first six solar rotations. Nonsensical people of the light tried to care for my flesh, but i needed only shadow. They did not understand. Taking my by the phalanges and dragging me to "Where it was safe". Though where it was safe seemed to be where I would learn to make it unsafe. Training to be more efficient. I quickly learned to hit arteries instead of random body parts. Though, when i asked what noise they would make when a blade penetrated a skull... I never did receive an answer. I should research that in the near future. Academically sound, socially... reprehensible I believe was the word used. Categories. Nonsensical people of light. Such categories mean nothing. My instructor... she always tasted like betrayal. I wonder what happened to her after her male came yelling about where she spent her time after classes. Why would anyone care to know? Pointless... still, I am curious of her status. Curious to observe her failings closer. For now, I shall stare at what ever I please, and should it stare back, I will see just how delicious it may be to investigate. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Statistics Death Bonus: None Rank: Gennin Level: 0 TXP: 0 Total Stat Points: -Stats- (Health) 40 (Stamina) 40 (Chakra) 60 (Taijutsu) 60 (Defense) 60 (Ninjutsu) 60 (Genjutsu) 40 (Concentration) 40 (Speed) 20 (Accuracy)40 (Evasion)40 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Skills~ Skill Point Tally: 2 Remaining Skill Points: 0 Skills: Nara Skills: Hybrid Shadow Clan: Nara Clan Description: Having perfected their art, the Nara have found a delightful ability. By fusing actual shadows with their own chakra, the members of the Nara Clan can create a sort of hybrid shadow that is neither 100% real shadow nor 100% chakra. They can mold this shadow at will, and any shadow this hybrid shadow touches can be infused with their chakra, extending their range for maximum effectiveness. It is this trait that has called them “Masters of Shadow.” Effect: Nara Clan members have access to the element “Shadow” and all Nara Clan Jutsu. All Nara Clan Jutsu are Reduced by 2 JP to a minimum of 2. Shadow is NOT treated as a basic element, but is treated as a Second Tier Element requiring a two element fusion. Ninja with skill do not require Twisted Colors or Subtle Elements to use the element “Shadow.” Cost: -2 Requirements: Mandatory for all Nara Clan Members Skills learned from Jounins: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Techniques~ Jutsu Points: 4 Used : 0 Available : 4 Total Free Jutsu: Name: Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique) Type: Genjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 10x Description: Creates an illusionary replica of the user. It is unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as a good distraction. Effect: Adds +5x evasion and +5x accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it. A bunshin is considered to have 0 evasion and rolls to dodge whenever it is targeted in the user's response phase. The value of x is the number of clones you have made. Maximum of 8 bunshin can be made. Name: Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique) Type: Genjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 5 Genjutsu Effects: Change your appearance. A character 25+ levels above the one who uses this technique can see through it. Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You take that physical form, but only to a certain extent, such as body shape and size. You cannot, for instance, turn your arm into a bow and start firing ammunition at an opponent. Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique) Type: Ninjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 10 Damage: None Effects: Evade the next attack aimed at you. Skip your main and setup phase this turn. You can only use this 1 time per battle. This technique cannot be used to dodge Ninjutsu, Taijutsu or Genjutsu Techniques. Description: A lifesaver, and a must-have technique. With this technique, the user is able to swap their body with a nearby object, usually a log, which will take the full force of any incoming blows for them, while they retreat to safe ground or search for an opening. Jutsu learned from Jounins: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Inventory~ (15 Slots Used [15 Slots Total]) --Armor: Hitai-ate -Head: -Neck: -Body: -Waist: -Forearm(s): -Hand(s): -Thigh(s): -Calve(s): -Feet: --Weapons: -Main Weapon: Kunai -Sub Weapon: Senbon/Shuriken --Item Listing -Items on Hand: 4 Shuriken, 6 Kunai, and 10 Senbon Needles -Items in Vault: None -Money on Hand: $90 -Money in Bank: 0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Logs~ Exp Earned: Transaction Log: Mission Log: Total Missions: Rank D: Rank C: Rank B: Rank A: Rank S: Edited September 11, 2012 by Kilmoran
Eechi-go Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 So, I realize you aren't done yet, but I just wanted to point out that you get stat bonuses based on intervals of 20. So my suggestion would be to either take 10 points out of Taijutsu or Speed and put them in the opposite stat.
Leon Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I'll help break down some tips and changes you can make 1) Just for flare you may also wish to expand upon your personality. Let us really get to know Shie's quirks and how he operates in a general sense. 2) If you desire to make the page a little prettier you could remove the suggestions that are left over the sheet. 3) The biggest concern which you will have to edit is this... Name: Careless GestureType: Taijutsu [Personal: Shie] Rank: Genin Cost: 40 Damage: 50 Effects: Startled x2 Description: A swipe at a fly or the stretch of the leg may be hazardous to those whom are too close. Even a half-hearted attack can be more than it seems. Whether it is purposeful or by accident, though struck with this deceptive swipe of a limb become are surprised by the damage taken, or overly wary of trickery even if none is truly detectable. Points: 4 You have to submit all techniques through the approval process. In this case you post this technique Here to submit it into the approval process. You have to do this before posting techniques on your page. You would not want to get moderated for something as silly as that. 4) Otherwise good job, excited to see this guys history!
Kilmoran Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 I had simply been waiting for feedback as this is my first attempt. Revisions have been made.
Major Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Shie should only have 3 kunai, 3 shuriken, and 4 senbon unless I'm missing something. Where'd you find the sheet/info for how much a starting character gets? It might be wrong.
Kilmoran Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 I used the rest of the slots (as it said i had 7 out of 15) to get more of them since he wouldn't use another style of weapon.
Kilmoran Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) Somehow this double posted. Edited September 4, 2012 by Kilmoran
Cellar Door Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Okay, just three questions/observations Kil. 1 - Did you get permission from Kouta to join the Nara? 2 - You do have plans to add some information to the History section of Shie's sheet right? 3 - This one isn't a question, but all items, even the simple ones like kunai and such need to be purchased with cash after your character gets approved. That shouldn't be too much of a hassle though, the extra weapons you've picked up will only cost you like 35$.
Kilmoran Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Okay, just three questions/observations Kil. 1 - Did you get permission from Kouta to join the Nara? 2 - You do have plans to add some information to the History section of Shie's sheet right? 3 - This one isn't a question, but all items, even the simple ones like kunai and such need to be purchased with cash after your character gets approved. That shouldn't be too much of a hassle though, the extra weapons you've picked up will only cost you like 35$. 1. I got permission from the second person that is listed as being able to allow for this Clan as I was unable to contact Kouta whom I tried first. 2. I discovered the History section after I posted and revised this, and then the Forum went down. So yes. 3. I see.
K Mitsuhide Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I must say, I do enjoy your character's personality. I also promise that we (this forum) aren't as anal as we seem. I promise. We are actually quite friendly! Anyways, I'll be editing this post when I have a few more minutes to go over numbers. I see just a couple of things ((like your JP (Jutsu Point) tally)) that do need to be taken care of. Anyways, just know that we're here to help you, and even if we seem harsh, I promise we are just trying to make your character (and the sheet) as awesome as possible. You can also PM me at anytime if you have questions. I generally check in every half an hour on the forum, if not more often, so I'm quick to answer PM's.
Major Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 You still need to remove the extra items from his inventory. I'd also be alright with deducting the amount Cellar Door mentioned from his funds if you want to keep them.
Kouta Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 ...just for the record..Kilmoran totally got my approval to join the Nara...I dunno why he says he couldn't reach me...
Kilmoran Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 ...just for the record..Kilmoran totally got my approval to join the Nara...I dunno why he says he couldn't reach me... I must have forgotten, I apologize. I had a lot of assistance when i first joined and thought for some reason i never actually got to speak to you.
