longpatrol98 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 (edited) ~User Data~-Posting: Monday through Friday is when I would usually post.-Time Zone: Eastern, I live in FL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Vital Statistics~Name: KasaiSurname: OogakariClan: noneBirthplace: KonohaCurrent Residence: KonohaAge: 13D.O.B.: 8/04Sex: Male~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Appearance~-Height: 5'3-Weight: 100 lbs-Hair Color: Black-Eye Color: stone blue/silver mix-Clothing: Long black standard pants with kunai holster on right leg. Long sleeved grey shirt with a white shuriken pattern on the front and a black, short sleeved trench coat with white flames along the bottom and the kanji for fire on the back (think the yondaime's jacket with different colors and no collar). Black socks and Black combat boots.-Physical Description: He has a lean build, not thick, but not thin either. He runs often as exercise, so his leg muscles are more developed than the rest of his body. His shoulders and waist are narrow, but still balanced. he is made for speed and agility. his physical strength is a bit lacking, but his maneuverability more than makes up for it. what he can't break through, is easily gone around. his hair goes to mid neck, not messy but not quite neat, a bit spiky. no scars. Works out primarily with his legs, so as to increase speed.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Persona~Personality: quiet and sarcastic, but friendly and easy to work with. Prefers a stealthy approach to most situations and always errs on the side of caution, unless he is saving someone or something and there is no time to think. Relies mostly on speed and subtlety in battle and listens to his instincts whenever he can. specializes in close and mid ranged combat. While not necessarily a pervert, he has a healthy respect and admiration for the female body, he just doesn't go out of his way to peek or make comments on a woman's physique. He will often make jokes about the sexuality of others when an opportunity presents itself. doesn't like being wrong and will often maneuver the conversation so that he is only half wrong, but if something is obviously pointed out to him he will accept it. he will often go out of his way to protect someone in danger or being bullied, and he often plays embarrassing or semi-destructive pranks on those who wrong others. he likes his privacy and doesn't divulge or flaunt information needlessly. He practiced in secret for most of his life to get where he is now. Because of this he has exceptional stealth skills due to hiding from patrols. when he fights, he often taunts his opponents, or engages in small talk, to throw them off balance and goad them into making mistakes.Likes: music, weapons, sleep, almost any meat, Childhood friend Kurai.Dislikes: loud noises, being interrupted, fangirls, those who flaunt power just because they can or for their own gain at the cost of others, people who talk to much or to loudly, jerks, emos.Favorites:-Food: Teriyaki beef-Color: Black-Music Genre: electronic-Book Genre: Fantasy-Hangout: anywhere peaceful, preferably cool or shady, tends to nap in trees.Will often come up behind someone to startle them or drop out of a tree behind them.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Background~ Parents died when he was 7. he was raised in an orphanage and doesn't let bad memories affect his performance or interaction with others. Current Allegiance: Konoha, lives in an apartment there.Relationships: (You can use links here, if they have sheets)-Parent(s): Maki (mother) and Shiro (father) Oogakari-Sibling(s): none-Significant Other(s):none-Pet(s): Cat named Ghost, due to his habits of disappearing randomly and popping up right next to your head.-Teacher(s): none-Friend(s): Kurai FenikkusuHistory:After his parents died in a fire, he was forgotten by all except his fellow orphan and best friend Kurai. He was raised in an orphanage. he always had a soft spot for weapons and observes/ogles them whenever he can. he hid from the NCIA from his parents death to their eventual defeat. After Konoha was stabilized he enrolled in the academy and graduated at age 12. During his time at the orphanage he had few friends. He preferred to remain aloof from the groups and talked mainly with Kurai, if at all. He found his cat abandoned in an alleyway on the way home from the academy. He took it home and it never left, most likely because of the free food. As he was window shopping at a weapons store once, he saw a set of trench knives. He felt an immediate draw to them, as if they were calling out to him. For years he saved money to buy them, and practices with sticks to prepare for using them. the day before his graduation he finally had enough to buy them, and soon he walked out of the store, knives in hand, ready to take on his life as a ninja. He loves the wind, the feeling of a breeze across your skin, through your hair. He started learning wind jutsu as soon as he could, only recently mastering the Kaze Kami, and with bright hopes for future learning opportunities.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~StatisticsDeath Bonus: NoneRank: GenninLevel: 0TXP: 0Total Stat Points:-Stats-(Health) 60(Stamina) 40(Chakra) 100(Taijutsu) 20(Defense) 20(Ninjutsu) 100(Genjutsu) 20(Concentration) 50(Speed) 50(Accuracy)20(Evasion)20~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Skills~Skill Point Tally: 2/2Remaining Skill Points: 0Skills:subtle elements: wind May use Wind element techniques. Any response phase techniques that blocks a Wind Techniques costs an additional 10% to use, rounded up. All 5 “Subtle Element” skills share ranks.[/size]cost -1 Subtle elements: fire - default as konoha nin Elemental mastery: wind - A master of the ninja magic arts, you bend your specialty element to your whim.Ninjutsu of the chosen type of element will deal a bonus +10 damage (per rank). This bonus damage is considered part of the modifiers.-1 SP Skills learned from Jounins:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Techniques~Jutsu Points: 4 Used : 4 Available : 4 TotalWind element - Wind God (Kaze Kami) Type: Ninjutsu [General; Wind]Rank: Gennin Cost: 30 Chakra Damage: 30 Effect: N/A Description: This is a straightforward attack for the most part, sending incredibly strong buffets of wind at the opponent and knocking them flying a good ways. It's beauty is against members of the opposite element, earth, where the wind, guided by some malignant force senses the chakra in them and buffets them for additional damage as they fly.Cost: 2 Fire element - Goukakyuu Type: Ninjutsu [General; Fire]Rank: Gennin Cost: 40 Chakra Damage: 30 Effect: Deals 6 burn damage per turn for two turns. Description: The trademark fireball jutsu, this technique creates fire from the lungs and generates it through the mouth, funneling through a hand put in front of the mouth. Due to needing to stand still and putting the hands away from the defense this can be a risky move.Cost: 2 (These three jutsu are gained automatically upon character creation. See the Jutsu rules page for more info on how to get more jutsu.)Name: Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique)Type: GenjutsuRank: Academy StudentCost: 10xDescription: Creates an illusionary replica of the user. It is unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as a good distraction.Effect: Adds +5x evasion and +5x accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it. A bunshin is considered to have 0 evasion and rolls to dodge whenever it is targeted in the user's response phase. The value of x is the number of clones you have made. Maximum of 8 bunshin can be made.Name: Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)Type: GenjutsuRank: Academy StudentCost: 5 GenjutsuEffects: Change your appearance. A character 25+ levels above the one who uses this technique can see through it.Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You take that physical form, but only to a certain extent, such as body shape and size. You cannot, for instance, turn your arm into a bow and start firing ammunition at an opponent.Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique)Type: NinjutsuRank: Academy StudentCost: 10Damage: NoneEffects: Evade the next attack aimed at you. Skip your main and setup phase this turn. You can only use this 1 time per battle. This technique cannot be used to dodge Ninjutsu, Taijutsu or Genjutsu Techniques.Description: A lifesaver, and a must-have technique. With this technique, the user is able to swap their body with a nearby object, usually a log, which will take the full force of any incoming blows for them, while they retreat to safe ground or search for an opening.Jutsu learned from Jounins: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Inventory~(The Armor and Weapons sections reflect what you have equipped. The Items section reflects what you have, period.)(7 Slots Used [15 Slots Total])--Armor:-Head: Hitai-ate - leaf-Neck: -Body: -Waist: Wears a belt with several pockets, most are empty and used to store objects of importance that may be picked up.-Forearm(s): Grey Bracers with black tribal designs-Hand(s): fingerless gloves with a metal plate on the back-Thigh(s): kunai holster on right thigh-Calve(s): wrappings around lower legs and ankles-Feet: reinforced combat boots--Weapons:-Main Weapon: pair of trench knives-Sub Weapon: --Item Listing-Items on Hand: 3 Shuriken, 3 Kunai, and 4 Senbon Needles-Items in Vault: None-Money on Hand: $85-Money in Bank: 0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Logs~Exp Earned: Transaction Log: Weapon Type: Trench KnivesSize: MediumLevel: 2Special: NoneDescription: A pair of blades with handles designed to fit around the fingers of the wielder in a manner similar to brass knuckles.Cost: $40 Mission Log:Rank D:Rank C:Rank B:Rank A:Rank S: Edited October 4, 2013 by longpatrol98
Cellar Door Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 ~User Data~ -Posting: Monday through Friday is when I would usually post. -Time Zone: Eastern, I live in FL ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Vital Statistics~ Name: Kasai Surname: Oogakari Clan: none Birthplace: Konoha Current Residence: Konoha apartment You only need to put your village here. This just signifies where in the world you live. Age: 13 D.O.B.: 922 Sex: Male ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Appearance~ -Height: 5'3 -Weight: 100 lbs -Hair Color: Black -Eye Color: stone blue/silver mix -Clothing: Long black standard pants with kunai holster on right leg. Long sleeved grey shirt with a white shuriken pattern on the front and a black, short sleeved trench coat with white flames along the bottom and the kanji for fire on the back (think the yondaime's jacket with different colors and no collar). Black socks and Black combat boots. Lol, trench coat twins. -Physical Description: athletic, agility based build, made for quick movement, but not fragile.Hair going to mid neck, not messy but not quite neat. no scars. Bigger here, give us more detail about your character's appearance. Shoot for two decent paragraphs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Persona~ Personality: quiet and sarcastic, but friendly and easy to work with. Prefers a stealthy approach to most situations and always errs on the side of caution, unless he is saving someone or something and there is no time to think. Relies mostly on speed and subtlety in battle and listens to his instincts whenever he can. specializes in close and mid ranged combat. While not necessarily a pervert, he has a healthy respect and admiration for the female body, he just doesn't go out of his way to peek or make comments on a woman's physique. He will often make jokes about the sexuality of others when an opportunity presents itself. doesn't like being wrong and will often maneuver the conversation so that he is only half wrong, but if something is obviously pointed out to him he will accept it. he will often go out of his way to protect someone in danger or being bullied, and he often plays embarrassing or semi-destructive pranks on those who wrong others. he likes his privacy and doesn't divulge or flaunt information needlessly. He hates Kumo nin because they flaunt their power and arrest those with ninja training. He practiced in secret for most of his life to get where he is now. Because of this he has exceptional stealth skills due to hiding from patrols. Good work with content here. This gives a good idea of who he is. Um, hating Kumo-nin would be fine, but give a reason that references more of his past. Kumo right now doesn't do a whole lot of flaunting anything. They got whooped pretty hard when the NCIA was defeated. Likes: music, weapons, sleep, almost any meat, Childhood friend Kurai. Dislikes: loud noises, being interrupted, fangirls, those who flaunt power just because they can or for their own gain at the cost of others, people who talk to much or to loudly, assholes, emos. Favorites: -Food: Teriyaki beef -Color: Black -Music Genre: electronic -Book Genre: Fantasy -Hangout: anywhere peaceful, preferably cool or shady, tends to nap in trees. Will often come up behind someone to startle them or drop out of a tree behind them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Background~ Parents died when he was 7. he raised himself and doesn't let bad memories affect his performance or interaction with others. Wait... Current Allegiance: Konoha, lives in an apartment there. Relationships: (You can use links here, if they have sheets) -Parent(s): Maki (mother) and Shiro (father) Oogakari -Sibling(s): none -Significant Other(s):none -Pet(s): Cat name Ghost, due to his habits of disappearing randomly and popping up right next to your head. -Teacher(s): none -Friend(s): Kurai Fenikkusu History: After his parents died in a fire, he was forgotten by all except his fellow orphan and best friend Kurai. He raised himself in an abandoned apartment complex, going out to find food or hunt for himself, he always had a soft spot for weapons and observers/ogles them whenever he can. has been hiding from the NCIA since his parents died. You don't need two history sections. (See background) I do however want to see 5 good paragraphs here. Your history is very important as it is the definition for your character in the present. Also, please keep in mind, as far as villages go, Konoha is very well-off. They have pretty superior social care. Two orphaned kids wouldn't have been left in an abandoned apartment. It's likely they would have been picked up and put into a village-run orphanage where they would have been cared for. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Statistics Death Bonus: None Rank: Gennin Level: 0 TXP: 0 Total Stat Points: -Stats- (Health) 60 (Stamina) 40 (Chakra) 100 (Taijutsu) 20 (Defense) 20 (Ninjutsu) 100 (Genjutsu) 20 (Concentration) 50 (Speed) 50 (Accuracy)20 (Evasion)20 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Skills~ Make sure you put the effects and costs of the skills you take. And you need to keep track of how many points you have via the tally. Skill Point Tally: (Used points/Total points) Remaining Skill Points: (You start with 2) Skills: subtle elements: wind, Skills learned from Jounins: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Techniques~ Same as skills. Jutsu Points: 0 Used : 4 Available : 4 Total Wind element - Kaze Kami Fire element - Goukakyuu (These three jutsu are gained automatically upon character creation. See the Jutsu rules page for more info on how to get more jutsu.) Name: Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique) Type: Genjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 10x Description: Creates an illusionary replica of the user. It is unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as a good distraction. Effect: Adds +5x evasion and +5x accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it. A bunshin is considered to have 0 evasion and rolls to dodge whenever it is targeted in the user's response phase. The value of x is the number of clones you have made. Maximum of 8 bunshin can be made. Name: Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique) Type: Genjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 5 Genjutsu Effects: Change your appearance. A character 25+ levels above the one who uses this technique can see through it. Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You take that physical form, but only to a certain extent, such as body shape and size. You cannot, for instance, turn your arm into a bow and start firing ammunition at an opponent. Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique) Type: Ninjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 10 Damage: None Effects: Evade the next attack aimed at you. Skip your main and setup phase this turn. You can only use this 1 time per battle. This technique cannot be used to dodge Ninjutsu, Taijutsu or Genjutsu Techniques. Description: A lifesaver, and a must-have technique. With this technique, the user is able to swap their body with a nearby object, usually a log, which will take the full force of any incoming blows for them, while they retreat to safe ground or search for an opening. Jutsu learned from Jounins: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Inventory~ (The Armor and Weapons sections reflect what you have equipped. The Items section reflects what you have, period.) (7 Slots Used [15 Slots Total]) --Armor: -Head: Hitai-ate - leaf -Neck: -Body: -Waist: Wears a belt with several pockets, most are empty and used to store objects of importance that may be picked up. -Forearm(s): Grey Bracers with black tribal designs -Hand(s): fingerless gloves with a metal plate on the back -Thigh(s): kunai holster on right thigh -Calve(s): wrappings around lower legs and ankles -Feet: reinforced combat boots --Weapons: -Main Weapon: pair of trench knives -Sub Weapon: --Item Listing -Items on Hand: 3 Shuriken, 3 Kunai, and 4 Senbon Needles -Items in Vault: None -Money on Hand: $125 -Money in Bank: 0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Logs~ Exp Earned: Transaction Log: Mission Log: Rank D: Rank C: Rank B: Rank A: Rank S: I've got an initial review here for you. 1
longpatrol98 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Is it better now? I didn't put much in the physical description partially because I have a lot of it covered elsewhere and also because I couldn't think of much else.
Major Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 People that start out in Konoha get Subtle Elements: Fire for free, you should consider adding that.
longpatrol98 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 can I get a second approval please?
Major Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 If your character has bought the trench knives, you need to subtract the cost of them from his money on hand.
longpatrol98 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 still waiting for a second approval...
Azure Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 If you are taking elements master and please put the effect andthencost with it. Thenupdate your log with 0 skill points reminding.
