Tw33dle Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 (edited) Kumakiri l Shade Mist It is unknown who first unlocked the Kumakiri. What is known, is the Kumakiri was possessed by a member of the clan who once interacted with the famous Uzumaki Naruto. At the time, the individual who interacted with the famous Uzumaki was Kimura Ranmaru. He was a small child carried around by one of the Ninja Swordsman of the Hidden Mist. Despite being kept hidden on the shinobi’s back, he was able to predict the movements of the shinobi’s foes, assisting him in evading almost all attacks that came at home. Additionally, while hidden on the shinobi’s back, he was able to create powerful genjutsu. Some of his genjutsu was so powerful, that it could counter other dojutsu. After the shinobi who carried him was eventually defeated, Ranmaru became a chef and slowed down his use of the Kumakiri. Despite this, his children eventually awakened their own Kumakiri and honed their abilities to become extremely powerful shinobi who focus on the art of Genjutsu. Activation/Upkeep 5% Total Chakra While active, all advanced regeneration is halted Kumakiri Vision Description: A boost in one's power, accuracy, and evasion in Genjutsu is incredibly uncommon to the average person. To a member of the Kimura clan, it is seen almost daily. This is not only because they spend each day practicing their Genjutsu abilities, but because their eyes increase the speed and power at which they process information. Effect: For each rank in this skill, the user’s Concentration, Evasion, and Genjutsu are increased by 'x' while the Kumakiri Advanced System is active. 'x' is equal to the user’s level. This ability may never increase a stat beyond 1.5x its base value.” Ranks: 4 Requirement: One rank may be purchased every twenty (20) levels Costs: -1 Kumakiri Premonition Description: The ability to read minds and predict attacks is believed to be an incredibly rare ability. For a significant portion of the shinobi world, unless you are a sensor, it is. However, for members of the Kimrua clan, it is a common ability of the Kumakiri. The Kumakiri allows the user to see the life force of others. By seeing the life force of others, the user is able to predict the attacks of their opponents. Effect: While the user has the Kumakiri Advanced System activated and is targeted by a Ninjutsu or Taijutsu attack, they may roll a twenty sided die. If they roll X or below, they may dodge the attack. This roll is made before the user attempts to dodge any attacks. X is equal to the user’s rank in this skill. Requirements: Kumakiri bloodline. One rank in this skill may be purchased every twenty (20) levels. Ranks: 4. Cost: -2 for the first two ranks, -1 for the last two.” Kumakiri Prowess Description: Upon gaining a level of mastery of the Kumakiri, the user is able to perform their genjutsu without the use of hand seals. Effect: While Kumakiri is active, all Genjutsu are considered ‘seal-less.’ Total Ranks: 1 Requirement: Kumakiri Vision l Rank 1 Cost: -3 Edited November 21, 2019 by Tw33dle
Tw33dle Posted June 23, 2019 Author Posted June 23, 2019 (edited) Designer Notes: Kumakiri belongs to Kumura Clan Kumakiri Vision: Each rank increases Genjutsu, Concentration, and Evasion by 80 so that it increased it maxes out a 1200 total Kumakiri Preminition: I know it sounds similar to the Sharingan, but it is the way the bloodline is described in the anime so I figured it was fair game. Kumakiri Mastery: I figured Rank 3 of vision seemed reasonable to seal-less jutsu. Edited July 19, 2019 by Tw33dle
almondsAndRain Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 Firstly, please have this cost 5% of your Chakra and Stamina each turn. The amount of stat points it gives is significant, even if in your current iteration it is slightly weaker (240 stats weaker, specifically) than other Advanced Systems that boost two or three stats. Secondly, please change the cost of all of these skills to negative numbers. As written, these all give you skill points. Thirdly, add “Kumakiri bloodline” to the requirements field of all of these techniques. Kumakiri Vision Its effect is a bit weak, compared to other Advanced Systems that boose three stats. Those typically end with a bonus of 480 each. It’s also problematic in that this skill would give you a bonus 1,200 points at level 90, which is roughly 120 points higher than normal. At level 10 it would give you a bonus of 240, when other Advanced Systems give 60 points (see the Sharingan for comparison). This gets worse with Death Bonuses, because stat increases are usually based off of level, and this bypasses that. This allows a level 25 Legendary character to receive 720 points and a level 75 one to receive 1,200 points from an Advanced System at significantly lower levels than normal. So let’s fix all of that by replacing the effect with this: “For each rank in this skill, the user’s Concentration, Evasion, and Genjutsu are increased by X while the Kumakiri Advanced System is active. X is equal to the user’s level. This ability may never increase a stat beyond 1.5x its base value.” Then reduce the maximum rank to four, make the requirement “One rank may be purchased every twenty (20) levels,” and add a description. Kumakiri Premonition I admit, I’m not a fan of abilities that replicate path options. Especially not when they replicate the stronger abilities the path has to offer. It’s the same reason that I’m not happy with every single elemental bloodline stealing Shaman’s Ninjutsu Mastery discount. It makes the Path less likely to be chosen because its abilities can be cribbed from another source, in a way allowing you to benefit from having an extra Path option. It also sets a precedent that the path in question’s design space is not heavily restricted and can be infringed upon. All that said, this type of ability has been poached from Sensor before, so the precedent here has already been set. And both times that I know the ability has been copied has been through bloodlines, so this is the right way to go about getting it (For reference: one ability was Lecherous Abyss’ Prey’s Shadow and the other was Rinnegan’s Rinnegan Absorption). So barring a more experienced staff member stepping in and killing the skill, I’ll help you with it. Because this is an Advanced System, I’m okay with this stacking with Sensor’s Premonish Ken. So I think you can remove that restriction. I’m less okay with it being so strong for -1. As you know, there are three types of techniques: Genjutsu, Ninjutsu, and Taijutsu. Premonish Ken normally provides a defense against Genjutsu and Ninjutsu (also Taijutsu Hybrids). This provides a defense against Ninjutsu and Taijutsu, but is paired on a bloodline that boosts Concentration and is intended for use on Genjutsu characters. Because Genjutsu uses Concentration to both attack and defend, any character with this bloodline is already going to be specced to defend against Genjutsu by virtue of being specced to attack with Genjutsu. Um... I think -2 per rank might be too much. Let's go with -2 for the first two rank and -1 for the last two ranks. TL;DR: Copy-paste this over the skill: “Kumakiri Premonition Description: wordsAndSentences Effect: While the user has the Kumakiri Advanced System activated and is targeted by a Ninjutsu or Taijutsu attack, they may roll a twenty sided die. If they roll X or below, they may dodge the attack. This roll is made before the user attempts to dodge any attacks. X is equal to the user’s rank in this skill. Requirements: Kumakiri bloodline. One rank in this skill may be purchased every twenty (20) levels. Ranks: 4. Cost: -2 for the first two ranks, -1 for the last two.” Kumakiri Mastery I think this is on the weak side. Considering how it’s only active while the Advanced System is, I think it would be okay for this to be a -3 skill that lets you use all Genjutsu seal-lessly, not just bloodline techniques. Normally seal-less is worth -5 and a thousand experience, but this is an activated effect on a bloodline that doesn’t do much, so I think this is okay. You can kill the Rank 3 Kumakiri Vision requirement. If you do, maybe change the name. It kind of stops being a mastery skill if you can get it at level 0, hahaha.
Yurane Posted December 29, 2019 Posted December 29, 2019 (edited) I happen to disagree with this version of Premonition. It's honestly way too strong, especially in the context of this bloodline. The version of the Rinnegan with a Premonition-like ability gains no stat boosts, nor does Lecherous Abyss (by default - Yes, I know technically Lecherous Abyss can spend a resource they gain when hit on stats, but that requires being hit, which is bad) Ordinary Premonition (and all other approved variants) effect Ninjutsu (Common) and Genjutsu (Rare). This effects all physical attacks and will basically make this apply to 99.99% of the population, which vastly increases it's power (literally 2 characters on the site wouldn't be effected). That it also exists on a Concentration-boosting bloodline, like Almonds mentioned, only exacerbates that fact. That you're also getting evasion on top of that... yeah. This is way too much 'nothing can hit me' crammed into one space, and it's kind of all over the place. What is this bloodline supposed to be? It's got enhanced vision, mind reading powers and... uh... magically makes your abilities not need handseals, because it technically can? Was there a basis for this or was it just put in because you didn't know what to with this? Edited December 29, 2019 by Yurane
