Eamonn Posted December 17, 2020 Posted December 17, 2020 (edited) Yūrei 幽霊 Apparition eyes are a powerful set of eyes that allow the user to do crazy things. Requirements: Shūtoku Clan Yūrei Activation/Upkeep: The Yūrei are an Advanced System which require 5% Total Chakra for Activation and Upkeep, Activating and deactivating the Yūrei requires a Setup Phase Action. Those who are non Shutoku cannot deactivate these eyes but if these eyes are covered they do not have to pay the upkeep cost and when they are active they have to pay 7% in Upkeep cost instead of 5%. Restrictions: Advanced Regeneration is suspended while the Yūrei are activated. Shūmatsudokei | 終末時計 | Doomsday Clock Description: The greatest feat of the Yūrei is their ability to reflect the futures of those who look into them. It is not generally known if these are true reflections of fate or instead twisted lies to drive sane minds mad, but through careful use of genjutsu the powerful Shūtoku can shape the reflected tale to show only the darkest possible paths, steadily tearing the sanity away from their unfortunate victims. Effect: This character gains a new tank stat known as ‘Doom’. During a stat battle, any time the character hits an opponent with a Genjutsu attack while the Yūrei is activated, they gain Doom equal to 5X% of the Base Cost of the technique that just hit (Rounding Up). Doom may only be used by the skill 'The Doomed Memories'. Maximum Doom is dependent on rank, being 40/75/190/450 for Gennin/Chuunin/Jounin/Sennin respectively. Max ranks 4 Cost: -1 Tsuishikaku | 終視覚 | Doom Vision Description: The Yūrei's main visual prowess is genjutsu. This special pair of eyes help the User with genjutsu by helping the user focus and making their genjutsu stronger. It is rumored that when this eye is active it can make a normal Genin Level Jutsu as strong as a Jonnin level Genjutsu. Effect: While the Yūrei are activated, the user gains 1X Genjutsu and 1/2X Concentration (Rounding Up) per rank in this skill, where X is the user’s level. Restrictions: Shūtoku Clan, Ranks in Doom Vision may never exceed ranks in Doomsday Clock Max Ranks: 5 Cost: -1 Sono Tsui no Kiyuku | その終の記憶 | Description: The Doomed Memories The most terrifying power of the Yūrei is thankfully one of it’s least known. Through their awesome mastery of Genjutsu, not only can they depict the cruelest fates, but through careful manipulation of the opponent’s visual senses, they can bring these fates into being, their bloodline flaring to life to make some of the most frighteningly realistic genjutsu the world has ever known. Effect: While the Yūrei is activated, when performing a Genjutsu of the user’s rank or lower, they may choose to pay any amount of the cost of that technique with an equal amount of Doom. If Doom spent is equal to the total cost of the technique being used, the technique gains a second, identical strike that costs half the original total cost of the technique (this additional strike must be paid in the original cost, it cannot be substituted with Doom). Restrictions: Shūtoku Clan, Doomsday Clock Rank 1 and Doom Vision Rank 1 Cost: -4 Edited February 5, 2021 by Eamonn Fixed I believe
Tw33dle Posted December 17, 2020 Posted December 17, 2020 Greetings and welcome to the forum! Glad to see you are letting the creative energy flow. Before the mods/staff take a look at this, I just wanted to offer up some tips to help you get started. The formatting of your bloodline is a bit difficult to understand. I recommend looking through the approved bloodlines to get a sense of how they are structured and formatted. When submitting a bloodline, you need to make sure include how many skill points (SP) it takes to purchase the skill. Can you clarify what you mean by draining 25% of chakra? If it's what I think it means, that seems pretty overpowered. Finally, depending on what you are intending to do with this, it may be more appropriate as a technique/jutsu rather than skill. Hopefully this helpful. Again, welcome to forum!
Cellar Door Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 Oof. So, usually we divide skills into an 'Effect' and 'Description' section. Description being where the basic flavor of the ability goes, and Effect being where the hard math of the game goes. You'll have an easier time getting reviews and feedback if you were to do that. I can still read it because you did a "D&D spell"-style thing where the fluff is the first few sentences, but going forward, please keep what I said in mind. Other than that... this is a perfectly serviceable bloodline. Really good job, and a unique idea. Edit: Some edits were made to this bloodline, mostly looks like it was just to pretty it up, but it's still... v
Yurane Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) The first skill is going to need to be clarified. What does this Doom tank stat do? Is it like more health? Can it be used for clan techniques? Is it used to fuel other skills? At present it's used in the third skill, is this the only use for it? Edited February 5, 2021 by Yurane
almondsAndRain Posted November 2, 2022 Posted November 2, 2022 This is a cool little bloodline. It unfortunately can use a bit of clean up to bring it up to standards, so I'm not approving it yet, but if you return, we can work on that then. Until then, this is moving to dead, like I mentioned via PM.
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