Ryu David

[Guest ditochi]

-Username: ditochi

-Posting: Whenever I need to

-Time Zone: Eastern time, USA

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Name: Ryu David

Village: Kusa

Clan: none

Age: 13

~Appearance~

-Height: 5'7

-Weight: 117 lbs

-Hair Color: Red

-Eye Color: Red

-Clothing: t-shirt & long shorts

-Physical Description: White skin and scar on the back of right hand.

He is very skinny and has a lot of dry skin. Not very muscular.

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Story/Background:

David's family lived in the village hidden in the Sound. There was a war going on between them and the village hidden in the Waterfall. David's parents were fighting in it. They had to fight really hard because the village was short on ninjas. They were known as great heroes because they were the ones who settled the war and made peace. His parents left David alone on the ground and someone kidnapped him. His name was Kashuni. He became David's "guardian." He was David's only family at the current time. He took David with him to Kusa.

Kashuni was very mean beacause he had a very bad experience as a child. No one knows anything about it. When David was 12 years old, Kashuni cut his right hand really badly. David had friend named was Shukino. He was David's only friend. Shukino lived with his mom. After his mom found out that Kashuni cut David's hand, Shukino moved. The next day David ran away. When David was young, Kashuni told him that his parents didn't die. David never got a chance to know his parents.

His goal is to find his parents and to find out who they are. His other goal is to kill Kashuni when he gets older for revenge of his brothers death. David wants to tell someone about his brother so they can help him. But after he ran away he has had no friends. David then built a treehouse for himself in a really tall tree. He has lived there ever since. Near David's tree, there is a well. It is rumored that if you throw money into the well and make a wish, your wish will come true. David's daily routine is too sneak into the well to extract money for food. He also pickpockets people. He is well known by the foodsellers because he goes to their stores alot.

Personality:

David wants to become a great ninja, so he is very serious when he trains. He has no friends. He felt a lot like an orphan after he ran away. He is very lonely. His only friend was Shukino. He likes to eat spicy food to build up his endurance.

Likes:

David likes the trees around him. They give him much entertainment. He likes swinging on vines and bungee jumping with vines. When he bungee jumps he takes peoples wallets. Spicy food.

Dislikes:

David hates attention because he feel's there is no reason for him to exist until he finds his parents. He doesn't want to cause trouble.

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~Favorite~

-Food: Pizza

-Color: Red

-Music Genre: Classical

-Book Genre: Comics

-Hangout: In any tree

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Ninja Stats:

Level: 0

TXP: 0

-Stats-

(Health Power) 20

(Stamina) 30

(Chakra) 60

(Taijutsu) 60

(Defense) 30

(Ninjutsu) 80

(Resistance) 30

(Genjutsu) 20

(Concentration) 30

(Speed) 80

(Accuracy) 40

(Evasion) 20

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Skills:

Contract Manager Every time you take this skill, you may summon one additional type of animal. You may take this as many times as you want additional contracts. You cannot summon anything without this skill.

Can summon: frogs

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Techniques:

Sprout (Sutaba no Jutsu)

Type: Ninjustu

Rank: Gennin

Cost: 30 chakra. Must be done on the FIRST TURN.

Effects: 4 main phases from now, you may eat this bean. It will replenish your health by 70.

Description: By storing chakra inside of this bean, it becomes empowered.

Sapling Armor (Naegi Gusoku)

Type: Ninjutsu (grass)

Rank: Gennin

Cost: Defense / 2 Ninjutsu

Damage: n/a

Effect: Defense is now x1.5, and evasion is halved.

Description:Becoming one with nature, you integrate your skin with the bark of a tree. This is a very young tree, so its empowerment is small.

Basic Academy Jutsus:

Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique)

Type: Genjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 10 Genjutsu

Description: Creates an illusionary replica of the user. It is unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as a good distraction.

Damage: None

Effects: Adds +5 evasion and +5 accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it.

Name: Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)

Type: Genjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 5 Genjutsu

Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You can still use the features of the thing you can become, e.g. use the claws of a clawed animal, but not to the extent of if you were that thing.

Damage: None

Effects: Change your appearance.

Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique)

Type: Ninjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 10 Ninjutsu

Description: A lifesaver, and a must-have technique. With this technique, the user is able to swap their body with a nearby object, usually a log, which will take the full force of any incoming blows for them, while they retreat to safe ground or search for an opening. You can only use this 3 times per battle.

Damage: None

Effects: Evade the next attack aimed at you. You are unable to attack the opponent the turn you use this. You can only use this 3 times per battle. This technique cannot be used to dodge Ninjutsu, Taijutsu or Genjutsu Techniques.

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Armor:

-Head: Village Amulet

-Neck:

-Body:

-Waist:

-Forearm(s):

-Hand(s):

-Thigh(s):

-Calve(s):

-Feet:

Weapons:

-Main Weapon:

-Sub Weapon:

-Un-equipped Slot one:

-Un-equipped Slot two:

-Un-equipped Slot three:

Items--

-Pouch: 3 Shuriken, 3 Kunai, and/or 4 Needles

-Items in Vault: Nothing

-Money on hand: $125

Animals--

~Update Log~

Character Approval: (date, and by whom)

Leveled up: (when? link it please)

Exp Earned: (when? where? why? link it please)

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~Money Log~ (how much money you spent, when, and who approved it)

~Battle Log~

Wins:

Losses:

Draws:

~Mission Log~

Rank D:

Rank C:

Rank B:

Rank A:

Rank S:

Edited June 6, 2006 by ditochi

[Guest Itako]

Moving from top to bottom:

+ "White" is still not a description, no matter how much you tack on to the end. Say something like, "David has a tall, scrawny build with light skin. He has a scar on the back of his hand that looks like a star." or something like that. <b>Description</b> is the key word.

+ Bio should be in third person, ex: "David lived in the Hidden Sound Village, until there was a war. His parents sent him with a close friend to live in Kiri."

+ Also, at least triple the length of your bio. At least.

+ David's Personality can (and should) also be written in full and complete sentences. Say something like, "David wants to become a great ninja, so he is very serious when he trains. He has few friends and feels a lot like an orphan, so he is lonely," etcetera.

+ Why does David "like" the resengan? He came from the Sound and moved to Kiri, and resengan is an elite move from Kanohagakure.

+ Explain a bit why he doesn't like attention much. Preferably intergrate it with his biography.

+ Put a little [gifted] tag by the ninjutsu. (So we can see that it's gifted).

+ (As far as I could see,) <b>Supernova (Choushinsei)</b> is not a dead technique, but it is also not yours, so you would have to ask for permission to use it as well, but the creator is unregistered. Take it off.

+ (Also, as far as I could see,) <b>Summoning of the Seven Holy Dragons of the Sun (Kouryou no Yobidasu)</b> applies to the Light village in the Other RPG. Since you are NOT in that village (and that place is no longer used) you should not have the tech. Take it off.

+ For techniques, you should have six: Three Basic Academy jutsus, one custom made jutsu (that you've made or had permission to use) and two pre made jutsus that are from your village (in this case, Kusa/Grass) or general (you've already got the triple windmill)

+ By the way, if you want to edit your sheet, there should be a button in the lower right hand corner of your post that says edit.

~~See? I can be helpful if I want!~~

[Chase]

Okay, now I'm going to be helpful... sort of... 1) It seems like you still havn't revised much of anything in accordance to Itako above. 2) All that crap in all the other char sheet sections... SPAM!!!!!!! Extremely frowned upon, and in my oppinion, odds are you won't be very well respected or possibly hold a chance of being approved. Just my oppinion mind you, I'm no mod/admin so what they say goes, I'm just giving my unasked for 2 cents.

Edited April 18, 2006 by Chase

[Guest ditochi]

i have chase

[Guest Itako]

No, ditochi, you have not. Chase is 100% right.

You've changed it a little bit, but not.... nearly enough.

- What I said about the length of your bio still stands; in fact, it is probably the most important deciding factor of whether or not you're allowed to role play. At least triple the length. Your training will be based on word count; the more you type, the better. If you can cover the previous thirteen years of his life in seventy-four words, you can't possibly cover the 1,000 words needed just to level up one level.

- What I said about the Resengan still stands. It is still an elite Leaf tech, and so where would he have encountered it, how would he know how to try it.

- Notice how your default techs have the entire thing, including the effects, cost, etcetera? Your last two techs should have the same.

-

(Defense) 30

(Ninjutsu) 80 [gifted]

(Resistance) 30

- What I said about his Physical description still stands. I have a scar on the back of my right hand; three of them actually. And I have yellow tinged skin. Do you know what I look like now? I would describe myself as short and asian, scrawny with no muscle definition, scars on the back of my small hands... That kind of thing is the kind of description people look for.

- I'm anal about height-weight proportions. Maybe you could explain why David is so damn scrawny in his bio?

<edit>

Oh, and in regards to nearly EVERY OTHER TOPIC YOU'VE STARTED DIRECTING PEOPLE TO THIS THREAD: Don't. It's called spam. It makes people want to look at this sheet less. What you do is pm a mod or admin (once) and wait a few days for them to give crit.

Edited April 18, 2006 by Itako

[shizuki]

You've taken 3 techs. You can only have 2. Do everything that Itako and Chase have said. Just to let you know, you are very much so on the bad side of the staff. That's for the same reason your gag is for.

[Prophet]

I just followed the post he made in the Kiri section to here...

I see all the things I was going to raise are covered but one. When you post a technique on your characer sheet please post the full jutsu, not just the name.

Edited April 18, 2006 by Prophet

[Guest Itako]

- Notice how your default techs have the entire thing, including the effects, cost, etcetera?  Your last two techs should have the same.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is spamming, but I wanted to point out that I didn't miss it. You worded it much better though, Proph.

[Guest ditochi]

i'm not gagged anymore

yayyyy

and i edited my sheet

Edited April 21, 2006 by ditochi

[Rei]

David likes the Rasengan because it is a great move with awesome power. David tries to find some one to train him to do it.

And he knows of this justu how? Not to nitpick but it's unlikely for a Kusa cadet to know of the justu's existence let alone its name and power.

When David was 12 years old Kashuni cut his right hand really badly. The next day David killed him.

The average academy student, which your character was, has no training in terms of death combat. With that in mind it's hard to believe that a wet-behind-the-ears academy student could kill a grown man.

When revewing look for logic.

Edited April 21, 2006 by Rei

[shizuki]

Please address ALL of Itako's points, not just some of them.

[Guest ditochi]

<(^.^<) i did i think

[shizuki]

Why was the family friend so bad to your chara?

[Guest ditochi]

please approve i've been working on this for half a year

[shizuki]

Okay, maybe if you answer my question. Why, out of nowhere, does this close friend of the family hate your character enough to physically attack him? If you don't want to improve your character up to the minimum we ask of you, you can wait another 6 months.

[Guest ditochi]

i edited it

[Guest Itako]

*I will restrain myself. I will restrain myself. I will restrain my--*

<(^.^<) i did i think

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Uh, no. You didn't. Have you read either of my replies thoroughly? There are at least three things listed on both that you consistently failed to change.

---

I'm just trying to help you; even Shizu is telling you to listen to my commentary. I even indicated each of my points with a marker so you could keep track. T.T

---

Also, post the entirety of the Sapling Armor jutsu. I'm not even going to bother adding any more comments about his new likes and his new biography.

---

And, Jutsu means the same thing as technique, so the armor jutsu and the widmill jutsu should be under either "technique" or "jutsu", not both.

Edited April 22, 2006 by Itako

[Hardcore Skittlez]

-yaaawwwn- This guys just doesn't learn, does he? Itako, dear, don't fret over stupidity. That's just what it wants you to do.

First: You're dead. Kill a man, get killed back. There is NO way an academy student could kill a grown man, and resume going to the academy normally.

Second: He'd die of starvation. People don't pour money into wells.

Oh dear. I'm starting to fret here myself. Of COURSE he's an orphan. He killed his caretaker, remember? Or does your attention span not last that long?

I'm going to halt myself there.

One question I want answered:

How the heck have you been working on this for 6 months, and STILL have it so crappy?(Not to mention that it was posting THIS month)

[Guest ditochi]

i was kidding about that 6months thing

itako i can't find it

i am now going to edit it

[Guest ditochi]

+ For techniques, you should have six: Three Basic Academy jutsus, one custom made jutsu (that you've made or had permission to use) and two pre made jutsus that are from your village (in this case, Kusa/Grass) or general (you've already got the triple windmill)

You've taken 3 techs. You can only have 2.

I'm confused

Edited April 22, 2006 by ditochi

[shizuki]

Ita-chan was wrong on that.

[Guest ditochi]

ita-chan??????????????????

[Chase]

Itako....

[Guest ditochi]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[shizuki]

Stop spamming.