For All the Wonderful Moments

[Azure]

Introducing the Shinobi Times:

Gossip Gab ~!

.:[An Azure and Rhap Sodos Production!]

The Shinobi Times: Gossip Gab is a new addition to the lovely newspaper stretching across the shinobi world. It's the smuttiest smut to happen around town and all documented for your viewing pleasure! Keep in mind, none of these are COMPLETELY the state of things, simply an outsider taking a stand for something interesting that happens in the role play. Maybe GMs will use these to their advantage or maybe the laughs will stay here. But stay tuned, stay posted and stay smutty!

Words on the Wind...

All quiet on the Sunagakure front... perhaps a little too quiet. Very little has been heard of from the Windy Nation, leading some to question the continued existence of the once powerful shinobi nation. While other nations are plagued with civil war, famine, and terrorist attacks, the lack of headlining events makes us wonder if anybody is alive out there. Trade is booming along the Arrakis coast, but it appears as somebody (or somebodies) is making sure there are no leaks in shinobi info lines.

Sunagakure Officials chose not to respond to our attempts to contact them.

Alchem Syaoran's Secret Sibling

Alchem Syaoran was spotted being admitted to a Kirigakure hospital after the attempt insurrection of DEATH, alongside a mystery man with a striking resemblance to the Alchem Clan Head. While this has left many wondering what the Country of Earth Kage was doing this side of the world, others are raising their eyebrows at what appears to be another survivor of the Alchem Clan massacre. Our source can even confirm that a strange flash of "blue" and "gold", characteristics unique to Alchem jutsu, was witnessed through the door gap, seemingly while the Tsuchikage was still unconscious. Could it be that in an effort to protect their bloodline from complete genocide, there are "Secret Alchem" hiding in our midst?

Sounds Suspicious

While it's long been a rumor that Denchi no Kuni is home to human trafficking in it's shady neighbor, a recent report seems to have evidence that young Otogakure adults are being kidnapped against their will by a rather well-known culprit. Kinsen "Raz" Rasen was recently spotted telling young ninja to jump down a frog's throat after instructing them to "fuck the questions and jump". When one such student refused, our source reports that Raz used excessive force to hogtie the young man and force him against his will to follow the Sennin's instruction. Two other students disappeared as well.

Their fate remains unknown.

Yatako's Big Brother?

What would seem like nearly a hundred birds that could walk, flap and especially talk descended on Konohagkure for unknowns reasons. The birds seemed reasonably house trained, though some report their children being scared by a bird in a trench coat muttering something about armies of angry squirrels while others note the hum rap of robin that flies by. Many-a-mother is weary to let her children anywhere near the estranged robin going by the name "Rob-Rizzle". Though it was later affirmed that the birds were out visiting for a special mission the Hokage assigned his newest team, one can only wonder is the Hokage using these birds to spy on his citizens? As if three hundred and sixty degrees of sight was not enough for this man, is he turning to avian aid? Why else would he bring so many birds over to our side, other than to spy or possibly replace us all with winged companions!? A thought nearly inconceivable, but these wizards can do anything!

A word of advice: when you ask your neighbor for a cube of sugar, surly flee if you see a beak.

A Secret Love Affair-!

Who would have guessed the wayward Hisame Hachinin appearing out of thin air to squander the army of DEATH when his homeland needed him most has been suspected of a secret love affair with a blond haired woman named Arisu. Haruyuki has long professed his love and intention to marry Hisame Fubiki, especially with kids on the way, but after seeing the obvious chemistry between the silly chilly man and the stone hearten Arisu, questions are being raised. Rumors indicate Arisu is not a citizen of Kirigakure no Sato, does Haruyuki have intentions to jilt his fiancee and take this woman to give her citizenship? And the kicker! Reports indicate in the abandoned DEATH fort, Arisu was seen standing over Haruyuki, with her face nudged in his while amorous grunts were radiating from the man. Which bells will be ringing in the future? And will a woman turn the Bloody Mist back to Hell's Kitchen?

Honey, Who Carved The Ham?

The sanity of this article should not be in question, I promise you. For reasons no one can disclose, reports coming from the sewers of Kumogakure indicate some strange business going on down there. Despite the oddities of having a mechanical laboratory in the midst of the village's waste and dead bodies caked like meatloaf in the pipes the strange reports we've heard are the thump thump rip stab of SENTIENT KNIVES. Forget gated men trying to take over the village WHY DO WE HAVE LIVING EATING UTENSILS IN THE PITS OF OUR TOILETS?

Public announcement: Use portapotties.