Ninja NOW! Vol. 1

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Ninja NOW! Vol. 1

 

Greetings to Arrakis and beyond! Yesterday marked the end of the first round of the Arrakis Ninja Arts Tournament in the beautiful Kaze no Kuni. Powerful shinobi from all over are gathered here for one purpose and one purpose only; to WIN! As the matches ended, I was honored by the presence of each of the winners and was privy to an exclusive interview! My dear, voracious readers, I asked them the burning questions on everyone’s minds! Or at the very least my own! 

 

MAIRAH; A WOMAN WHO WANTS TO BEAT UP BABIES AND MANIPULATE MEN!?

Ueshi Mairah is a fourteen year old girl from Otogakure. She won her match against Uchiha Asahi using a mix of skill and feminine wiles! She plays innocent, but poor Asahi never stood a chance and continued to tell her where his attacks were coming from so she would be able to dodge them! When I asked her about it, she had this to say; “...I just like sweets.” Thinking so little of her opponent Asahi, she compares him to a piece of candy. I was shocked, readers, simply shocked. When I asked if she thought that was a good idea, she just smiled; “"Genius is putting it mildly." I decided to change the topic and ask her what would make the next round most interesting for her. “...throw a baby in the middle of the ring…” was all she replied with. Readers, I am absolutely shocked at the ninja that Otogakure chose to send.  

 

A SECRET, BURNING PASSION! TSUKIYO IS HIS BROTHER’S GUARDIAN!

Next was my interview with Uchiha Tsukiyo who bested his opponent Hanabi Hinoko with hardly a scratch! As soon as he entered the room, his true nature was revealed. His timid shy nature was enough to melt my heart. His innocent, puppy dog eyes were begging to be loved. Even as I asked him simple questions he was overcome with such intense shyness that he could hardly speak! His eyes searched the room for something to hide behind until I broke him out of his shell, only by asking of his brother. I asked how he felt of his brother’s match against Ueshi Mairah, with tears of fierce pride welling in his eyes, Tsukiyo stood defiantly against those who would speak ill of his brother; “He fought honestly and bravely. That’s more important than winning.” Tears began to stream as he rose to his feet in a passionate display of brotherly love. The Uchiha certainly are the clan of passion and love! Uchiha Tsukiyo’s endearing shyness and hidden passion make him one of the most adorable and ideal candidates in love!

 

TOKURAMA SEXUALLY CONFUSED & DRIVEN TO VIOLENT EXTREMES!?

My interview with Senju Tokurama was interesting to say the least. Tokurama crushed his opponent with in the first seconds of the match. However, my interview with Tokurama revealed a much different side to him. Tokurama is a thirteen year old from Konohagakure. I’ll settle with you folks; Tokurama is a confused young man. Our entire interview was filled with Tokurama talking about Iona Keanu as his idol. “Yeah, we're really... really good friends.” The boy said with stars in his eyes and a noticeable increase in his heart rate. I asked him how the two met, Tokurama, bless his heart, replied, “...Keanu coached me. He said he'd love to see me…” According to my sources, readers, the two have never met before. Should we be worried about the mental stability of this young gennin. Perhaps it was a jealous rage the caused Tokurama to so violently win his match with deadly consequences?

 

SAKI; BOY CRAZY YOUNG GIRL PLOTS TO OVERTHROW THE KAGE REGIME

Uchiha Saki won her match against Kafuku using an astonishing display of power as she pulled off four simultaneous Chidori! However, I was more interested in her love life! I asked if she had anyone special in her life, you bet she does. Holding up her fingers, she gestured to having not one, not two, but three love interests! I asked her if it was difficult keeping up with so many boys, she merely shrugged, “"You could say that, I guess.” I asked how she managed to attract so many potential suitors. Her response; “It, uh, certainly had its hardships involved. I don't think just anyone could pick up the basics of the technique very easily- heck, I still only barely know how to control it." We shared a good chuckle. This girl likes boy as much as I’m crazy about oxygen! We moved on from there about her goals for the future. A dark and mysterious shadow came across her as her personality seemed to shift. “I want to show myself, and people, that super strong ninja are still humans, like the rest of us. Show them as vulnerable, show them angry, you know…” She then smiled as if it were all a joke, however I have never felt that cold a chill run down my spine. Readers, let’s keep an eye on this one!

 

JUNSEI; A HEALER WITH A DARK PAST; CAN WE TRUST HIM!?

Hanamajo Junsei won his match because his opponent was disqualified, however he showed a real penchant for evasion. He has also done more than his fair share of work by healing contestants in the medical tent. I met up with him and we started chatting about his medical work. “I just spend my days at the hospital learning as much as I can." Was all he said to me. He seemed bored and aloof. No matter what I did, he seemed uninterested by our conversation, so I tried a little harder. Junsei was one of the medics that performed the medical examination of Keromeru Hayate, the Suna gennin that died during his match against Senju Tokurama. With a heavy heart I asked him what it was like having to perform such a macabre examinations. “It feels fantastic!” He replied with a beaming smile. After some more thorough questioning, I learned that Junsei was on a probationary period which was the reason he had been working at the Arrakis hospital. Can we trust the medical staff treating our wounds? Is Junsei just the tip of the morbid iceberg?

 

KUROSHIN; THE NARCISSISTIC NYMPHOMANIAC OR CREEPY CANNIBAL?

Dosojin Kuroshin decimated his opponent, Uchiha Shinj with impressive skill. However, it was clear there was only one thing on his mind since we sat down to speak. No matter what I asked him, somehow always related back to himself and his sexual prowess, or so I thought. I started off with a basic question, what was his greatest asset in his battle against the Uchiha? “"Hmm! My greatest asset has got to be... my devilish good looks!” He continued by pulling a mirror out of his pocket and studied himself for a good five minutes before we could continue! I’ve got my vanities, readers, but this was a whole new level! Before I could even ask another question, he seemed to be answering one of his own; “The girl from Sunagakure was kind of cute, too. Looked like she really knew her way around a po-” Out of respect for that poor girl, I interrupted the man with a question that seemed that could not be related back to women, but I was wrong. I asked what his favorite meal was, he replied; “I guess you could say I have a taste for strong women!" Ladies, watch out! This man might want to get in your pants, or maybe just your skin! Either way, be wary!!

 

KYUUSAI; PARENTS AND MENTOR REALLY TAUGHT HIM TO USE HIS BONE!

My interview with Kaguya Kyuusai was more enjoyable, albeit still highly sexual. As it turns out, Kyuusai and Suizuma Kazu know each other from homeland Kirigakure no Sato. Some ways into our interview, I asked a personal question; what his first time with a woman was like. "Well, when you see your parents and their friends do it all of your life, you kinda get use you it. So when its finally time to take the plunge, its a little painful but at the sametime exciting that you are one step closer to being like your role models.” I had to hide my own blush right there. However, we pressed forward. I asked if there was anyone that had helped him get better at the doing the dirty. "Yes, she's actually been of great assistance to me. We've been training together and because her, my proficiency with this has increased greatly. She's strong" He said waving subtle to his groin. Dear Readers, what is it with young men now-a-days being nothing but sex crazed!? After we began talking about his battle, I brought up his opponent and asked Kyuusai what he wanted to say to all his future challengers. “Talk shit, get crit." Was all he replied before scratching himself and leaving our interview.

 

SAYURI; TEAMMATES ENTHRALLED BY HER ROBOTIC HEART!?

Ai Sayuri from Sunagakure no Sato was probably one of my favorites. Sayuri is a strong woman with a strong will, however, she is the second cockiest shinobi I interviewed that day. We chatted for a bit about her battle, but the real juiciness came when we began talking about her friends that she was to compete against. Sayuri’s first match was against her old captain, Kohashi Shouga, whom she beat just barely. I asked Sayuri if she thought she was going to win like that from the beginning. “Uh, yeah...?" She replied with a cocky sneer. Of course she thought she was going to win. I asked her if there was ever a time when Keanu and Shouga were hard to get along with, her reply surprised me a bit. “...When they try to get into my pants.” That’s right folks, apparently current teammate Keanu and former captain, Shouga are smitten with Sayuri. My next question was how she managed to keep the two at bay; “They get pushsy, I get punchy." Apparently, she rules the men in her life with an iron fist. Watch out boys, Ai Sayuri, in spite of her name, has no love to share!

 

KEANU; MENTAL HANDICAPS: KITESAILOR’S JOURNEY FROM “SPECIAL” TO HERO!

Iona Keanu, the poster child of Arrakis, one time star of the Arrakis Falcons and mentally damaged, managed to win his battle against Uchiha Mizujin. My interview with him was fantastic. Never have I met such a brave young man who fought all preconceived notions of what a person can do after severe trauma to the brain. Early in his Kitesailing career, Keanu apparently took a nasty fall that should have left him a vegetable, however through luck, the mercy of the gods and his naturally resilliant nature, Keanu survived, but at diminished capacity. The clear effect his mental trauma; his speech impediment. When we began our interview, I asked Keanu how his battle went against the Uchiha; “Th' crowd be bumpin' when'a 'as brushin' knuckles...” Was his reply. I have to admit, I got a little teary eyed as I watched this inspirational young man try to communicate. It seemed so difficult for him and the words that flowed from his mouth were utter gibberish. One of my later questions asked what in his mind drove him to be a shinobi. “All them voices…” It was a clear coherent sentence, but it betrayed a deeper set of wounds that may never heal. Keanu even told me a story he had seemed to develop in his own mind. About rescuing a fellow contestant, Hanamajo Junsei, from “som' kook ass invisib' ninja militia.” Perhaps, he means well, but surely the support of Arrakis is for this boy’s courage in facing life a shinobi with great limitations.

 

KAZU; INFATUATED OR INFURIATED? KOUTA VERSUS KAZU!

Suizuma Kazu, won her match as her opponent, Hachinin Kouta, forfeited. My interview with her focused largely on his inability to back up his pretty words, before and after the match. I asked if she was proud to have survived a round against a Hachinin, her response was bitter; “Nothing to be proud of after that, Endo." Her eyes turned icy. I was taken back by her demeanor, I pleaded with her to tell me what was wrong, “Unless talking is considered part of the Ninja Arts, I don’t think my match was much of a display.” She bit right to the heart of the matter. As Kazu spoke about Kouta, her eyes seemed to swim away and her bottom lip quivered. There was something she wasn’t telling or was trying to hide! I simply HAD to find out! So I asked if she ever wanted to see him again, she turned slightly bashful, a blush crossing her face, “ I would enjoy a rematch with him.” I seemed to be getting somewhere, I dug a little deeper and asked why her battle with him stood out in her mind, apparently, until she met Kouta she hadn’t been able to find “anyone who can handle me right.”

 

[Contestants who have yet to finish interview; Sensukai Sato and Hyuuga Izanami. They will be added later]

 

 

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Ninja NOW! Next Issue - Sneak Peek!