triva Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 (edited) User Info~ -Username: triva -Posting: N/A -Time Zone:Pacific ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Basics~ Name: Sion Yuudai Village: outside of suna -Clan: no clan -Age: 12 Gender:Male ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Appearance~ -Height: 5'0inch -Weight: 130 -Hair: blond -Eyes: blue -Clothing: black shirt with spiral on the sides, and Black paints -Physical Description: has blond hair.is white.and wheres the suna head protectore around his forarm.has a scar on his for arm shrikinkan pratic.has no tattoo's. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~History~ the Sion Yuudai story Sion Yuudai was named after his father. Yuudai was born 1 year before his father died. Yuudai father was a great ninja and died while on a mission. Yuudai mother Kumiko has always told him of how his father was a great ninja and how his father saved a lot of lives during the ninja wars. Yuudai older brother Hideaki was also a great ninja. During the academy Hideaki was called an elite geniuses. Hideaki was excepted at the ANBU squad at 15 years old. Yuudai always wanted to be like his older brother. Yuudai also wanted to be like his father as well. Yuudai both love his mother and brother. He believe that he well someday become an excellent ninja like his father was. He graduated from the Academy with top marks. Both Yuudai mother and brother are very proud of his graduation from the academy. After the graduation from the academy Yuudai brother is now a special jounin and is in the head of the ANBU squad. Now Yuudai want to prove everyone that he can become a great ninja like his father was. He want to save lives like his father did. Now Yuudai wait for his Jounin ninja and his other fellow ninja Note: This is the background so fare he well now wait for a jounin teacher and the other teammates. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Persona~ Personality: He loved his mother as well.He was gifted with itellegence and stringth like his father was.He is now happy with the life he had.He was also proud of his father. Now he wan't to prove everyone that he can become a great ninja like his father was. Likes: he likes to train hard and pratice nin and jen justsu.He want;'s to be a great ninja like his father was. Dislikes:N/A ~Favorite~ (Characters' favourite...) -Food:Ramen -Color:Red -Music Genre:N/A Book Genre:basic justsu training for Ninja -Hangout:N/A -(Any other favourites you want to add): ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Ninja Stats~ Rank: gennin Level: 0 TXP: (Total exp. points. All your gained exp. points stack) -Stats (Health Power)40 (Stamina) 20 (Chakra) 70 (Taijutsu) 50 (Defense) 30 (Ninjutsu) 100 (Resistance) 20 (Genjutsu) 100 (Concentration)20 (Speed) 60 (Accuracy) 20 (Evasion) 20 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Skills~ Quick Learner It takes 1 less post per 10 to learn a new technique. Must always post at least 2 posts to learn a technique. n/a -1 5 Gifted [insert stat here] When you place points to your stats, the chosen stat gets a +25% reward from training (Rounded down). Skills learned from Jounins: (These do not count towards your skill points limit. You must link to the topic in which you learned these skills) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Techniques~ Basic Academy Jutsus: (You start off with these) Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique) Type: Genjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 10 Genjutsu Description: Creates illusionary replicas of the user. They are unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as good distractions. Damage: None Effects: Adds +5 evasion and +5 accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it. Name: Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique) Type: Genjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 5 Genjutsu Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You can still use the features of the thing you can become, e.g use the claws of a clawed animal, but not to the extent of if you actually were that thing. Damage: None Effects: Change your appearance. Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique) Type: Ninjutsu Rank: Academy Student Cost: 10 Ninjutsu Description: A lifesaver, and a must-have technique. With this technique, the user is able to swap their body with a nearby object, usually a log, which will take the full force of any incoming blows for them, while they retreat to safe ground or search for an opening. You can only use this 3 times per battle. Damage: None Effects:Evade the next attack aimed at you. You are unable to attack the opponent the turn you use this. You can only use this 3 times per battle. This technique cannot be used to dodge Ninjutsu, Taijutsu or Genjutsu Techniques. Wind Blade (Kaze no Yaiba) Type: Ninjutsu (wind) Rank: Gennin Cost: 30 Damage: 20 Effect: A very hard to dodge and especially penetrating ttack. This attack reduces evasive skills used against it by 20 as well as ignoring any armor used against it. It must be used very close to melee range though. Description: A sword of wind that forces compressed air to cut through the target. Since it is so fast and hard to see it is hard to avoid, and the wind goes right through all defenses. Due to the tempermental nature of wind the blow only maintains enough force to be dangerous with ten feet though. Shield of Sand (Suna no Tate) Type: Ninjutsu (wind) Rank: Gennin Damage: N/A Cost/Effect: -Konoha Jutsu's = 3 chakra for every 1 damage -Kiri Jutsu = 3 chakra for every 1 damage -Suna Jutsu = 1 chakra for every 4 damage -Kumo Jutsu's = 1 chakra for every 2 damage -Iwa Jutsu= 1 chakra for every 4 damage -Kusa Jutsu = 2 chakra for every 1 damage -Oto Jutsu = 5 chakra for every 1 damage -Weapons = 1 chakra every 3 damage -Taijustu = 1 chakra for every 3 damage --If the opponent's applicable stat (taijutsu or ninjutsu or accuracy) is more than or equal to double the user's ninjutsu, then the shield is bypassed and the attack cannot be blocked. --If the opponent's applicable stat is more than or equal to the user's ninjutsu, then the chakra:damage ratio is halved, so that 1:2 will become 1:1. --If the opponent's applicable stat is less than or equal to half the user's ninjutsu, the ratio is doubled, so that 1:2 becomes 1:4. Description: The basic defense of the Wind ninja. This creates a shield of the element of Sand that can absorb any jutsus, taijutsu, or basic attacks in general. This shield is the one seen in the Naruto Anime. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Inventory~ Armor: -forarm:none Suna ninja head protector Weaponry: -Main Weapon: -Sub Weapon: -Un-equipped Slot one: -Un-equipped Slot two: -Un-equipped Slot three: Items: -Pouch: 3 Shuriken, 3 Kunai, 4 Senbon Needles. -Items in Vault: Nothing. -Money on hand: $125 Animals: (If you want an animal you may purchase one via the market) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Update Log~ Character Approval: (Date, and by whom) Leveled up/Exp Earned: (Link to the topic where you gain exp. points. Make sure to include a description, the amount of exp. points gained, and whether it merited a level up) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Transactions~ (How much money you have spent, when, where, and who approved it) Buy: Sell: Reward: Loss: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Battle Log~ (Practice arena battles don't count. Make sure to link to the topics. Wins: Losses: Draws: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Mission Log~ Rank D: Rank C: Rank B: Rank A: Rank S: Edited April 19, 2006 by triva
Maelstrom Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I was only able to take a -really- quick look at everything, but I'd say be more descriptive. In fact, don't be afraid to add a little 'too much' description. Other than that, it has potential. PM a staff member for more help and/or an approval. Sorry I'm not more help.
Arashi Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Okay, first, you have used 680stats (you starts with 500). If you are not going to have any stats in defense, then it's a 0 and not blank. Second, if you have a clan, then you uses the clanname (so it would be "Akkuria Yuudai" if I'm not wrong. To finnish this, every sentence in your background starts with "I". Change that. It doesn't needs to be in third person, but it looks much better if you have it in that way.
triva Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 (edited) Okay, first, you have used 680stats (you starts with 500). If you are not going to have any stats in defense, then it's a 0 and not blank. Second, if you have a clan, then you uses the clanname (so it would be "Akkuria Yuudai" if I'm not wrong. To finnish this, every sentence in your background starts with "I". Change that. It doesn't needs to be in third person, but it looks much better if you have it in that way. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ok fixed it it's 500.Also Yuudai father was not in the Akuria clan only his mother.The father last name was Sion before he died.The Akuria is a most sercret clan only known to the clan member.The Father did not know of this clan only the mother.Yuudai only found out about the clan excestent after the mysterous ninja saved him.The clan is yet unknown. Edited February 28, 2006 by triva
Guest Yachiru Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 OKay, one thing i noticed which rarely anybody notices that you have an old version of Suna no Tate here's the new one. Shield of Sand (Suna no Tate)Type: Ninjutsu (wind) Rank: Gennin Damage: N/A Cost/Effect: -Konoha Jutsu's = 1 chakra for every 1 damage -Kiri Jutsu = 2 chakra for every 1 damage -Suna Jutsu = 1 chakra for every 4 damage -Kumo Jutsu's = 1 chakra for every 1 damage -Iwa Jutsu= 1 chakra for every 1 damage -Kusa Jutsu = 1 chakra for every 2 damage -Oto Jutsu = 2 chakra for every 1 damage -Weapons = 1 chakra every 3 damage -Taijustu = 1 chakra for every 3 damage Description/Effect: The basic defense of the Wind ninja. This creates a shield of the element of Sand that can absorb any jutsus, taijutsu, or basic attacks in general. This shield is the one seen in the Naruto Anime. for the skills put the description and effect in your sheet like this Quick Learner It takes 1 less post per 10 to learn a new technique. Must always post at least 2 posts to learn a technique.-1 Gifted [insert stat here] When you place points to your stats, the chosen stat gets a +25% reward from training (Rounded down). -1 and for gifted you have to state what stat your gifted in, and it this clan even approved adn if so did you get the approval from the maker, and other then that it seems good, ((this is about the best avenge plot iv seen so far^^))
triva Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 OKay, one thing i noticed which rarely anybody notices that you have an old version of Suna no Tate here's the new one.for the skills put the description and effect in your sheet like this Quick Learner It takes 1 less post per 10 to learn a new technique. Must always post at least 2 posts to learn a technique.-1 Gifted [insert stat here] When you place points to your stats, the chosen stat gets a +25% reward from training (Rounded down). -1 and for gifted you have to state what stat your gifted in, and it this clan even approved adn if so did you get the approval from the maker, and other then that it seems good, ((this is about the best avenge plot iv seen so far^^)) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ok i well fixed and no this is not a clan yet but i well make it.if you want to join the clan please post here after i get it's approval.
Guest Yachiru Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 no thats okay, im already in a clan and u never no maybe ill be the sharingan user that killed your parents^^, nah im not im from aburame clan but i have big plans with my char that everubody should fear mwuahahhaha
triva Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 (edited) no thats okay, im already in a clan and u never no maybe ill be the sharingan user that killed your parents^^, nah im not im from aburame clan but i have big plans with my char that everubody should fear mwuahahhaha <{POST_SNAPBACK}> actually only the shrinagan user killed Yuudai mother and brother.his father died in a mission before he was born. Note: i need a somone in a uchia clan member and your plot is that you killed Yuudai mother and brother for the key that the Akruria has been protecting but did not succeded.Also i need a member as soon as i get the clan approval i would like someone to be the mysterous ninja that saved Yuudai from the shrinagan user. Edited February 28, 2006 by triva
Tantan Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 id like a little more description with personatlity. Like mannerisms and that sort of thing, once thats done youll have my approval
triva Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 id like a little more description with personatlity. Like mannerisms and that sort of thing, once thats done youll have my approval <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ok i fixed it if thats what you mean by a little bit more descritption with the personatlity
shizuki Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 Technically sound, but still lacking. Whether you think so or not, this story is identical to Sasuke's. Not in the fact that 'brother killed family, yadda yadda revenge', but in the sense that 'I suffered a horrible tragedy, and now I'm out to avenge it.'
Guest Yachiru Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 okay, i checked the suna no tate thing again and i was wrong the one you had is the right one, it seems that they changed then changed it again,X_X sorry i didnt notice it.... Shield of Sand (Suna no Tate) Type: Ninjutsu (wind) Rank: Gennin Damage: N/A Cost/Effect: -Konoha Jutsu's = 3 chakra for every 1 damage -Kiri Jutsu = 3 chakra for every 1 damage -Suna Jutsu = 1 chakra for every 4 damage -Kumo Jutsu's = 1 chakra for every 2 damage -Iwa Jutsu= 1 chakra for every 4 damage -Kusa Jutsu = 2 chakra for every 1 damage -Oto Jutsu = 5 chakra for every 1 damage -Weapons = 1 chakra every 3 damage -Taijustu = 1 chakra for every 3 damage --If the opponent's applicable stat (taijutsu or ninjutsu or accuracy) is more than or equal to double the user's ninjutsu, then the shield is bypassed and the attack cannot be blocked. --If the opponent's applicable stat is more than or equal to the user's ninjutsu, then the chakra:damage ratio is halved, so that 1:2 will become 1:1. --If the opponent's applicable stat is less than or equal to half the user's ninjutsu, the ratio is doubled, so that 1:2 becomes 1:4. Description: The basic defense of the Wind ninja. This creates a shield of the element of Sand that can absorb any jutsus, taijutsu, or basic attacks in general. This shield is the one seen in the Naruto Anime.
triva Posted March 1, 2006 Author Posted March 1, 2006 okay, i checked the suna no tate thing again and i was wrong the one you had is the right one, it seems that they changed then changed it again,X_X sorry i didnt notice it....Shield of Sand (Suna no Tate) Type: Ninjutsu (wind) Rank: Gennin Damage: N/A Cost/Effect: -Konoha Jutsu's = 3 chakra for every 1 damage -Kiri Jutsu = 3 chakra for every 1 damage -Suna Jutsu = 1 chakra for every 4 damage -Kumo Jutsu's = 1 chakra for every 2 damage -Iwa Jutsu= 1 chakra for every 4 damage -Kusa Jutsu = 2 chakra for every 1 damage -Oto Jutsu = 5 chakra for every 1 damage -Weapons = 1 chakra every 3 damage -Taijustu = 1 chakra for every 3 damage --If the opponent's applicable stat (taijutsu or ninjutsu or accuracy) is more than or equal to double the user's ninjutsu, then the shield is bypassed and the attack cannot be blocked. --If the opponent's applicable stat is more than or equal to the user's ninjutsu, then the chakra:damage ratio is halved, so that 1:2 will become 1:1. --If the opponent's applicable stat is less than or equal to half the user's ninjutsu, the ratio is doubled, so that 1:2 becomes 1:4. Description: The basic defense of the Wind ninja. This creates a shield of the element of Sand that can absorb any jutsus, taijutsu, or basic attacks in general. This shield is the one seen in the Naruto Anime. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ok i changed. i am stell waiting for an approval
triva Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 you already have mine, wee 2 more to go. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> hey thanks you so much.Finally 2 more to go
Rei Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Tan, you do relize that NA only allows character sheets wiritten in the third person point of view, right?
Kitai Tenshi Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 (edited) I'm pretty sure Rei is right. Change it to 3rd person (he instead of I). Also i'm not a huge of the revenge on someone for killing your family, but i can't really say no to the back ground. Just change to 3rd person and i guess you'll get my approval. ~Approved~ but please to everyone else come up with something original. I don't remember who said it but its true "*blah* lived a boring life. Nothing happened of any real intrest. *blah* was a mediocer student as well." A little more details and wam a very original background. Edited March 2, 2006 by Kitai Tenshi
triva Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 (edited) I'm pretty sure Rei is right. Change it to 3rd person (he instead of I). Also i'm not a huge of the revenge on someone for killing your family, but i can't really say no to the back ground. Just change to 3rd person and i guess you'll get my approval. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ok i changed my character to third person view i did not know it was soppose to be in third person view i am sorry for that.you can now approve my character. Hey thanks for the aprroval one more to go. Edited March 2, 2006 by triva
Guest Rei-Chun Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Did all of you forget the rules or what? Unless the story is perfectly done you're not supposed to approve revenge stories
Arashi Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Uhm, I told you in my first post to go with 3rd person... @Kitai: It was me Well, here you have the final Approval, even if I normally wouldn't approve such a background...
triva Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 Uhm, I told you in my first post to go with 3rd person...@Kitai: It was me Well, here you have the final Approval, even if I normally wouldn't approve such a background... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> yes finally so now i need to contact a moderator or an admin to let me view the villege and move me.
Arashi Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 An admin, as they are the only ones that can hange membergroups.
Rei Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Uhm, I told you in my first post to go with 3rd person...@Kitai: It was me Well, here you have the final Approval, even if I normally wouldn't approve such a background... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Thank you for creating a precedent.
