Matthias Drake Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) Name: Secret Art: Golden Flame Barrier Type: Ninjutsu [Personal: Alchem Sanji] [Fire] Rank: Sennin Cost: 10y + xy Effects: Creates a barrier of flame functioning identically to the barrier created by a Purple Flame Array, except as specified in this effect. -This jutsu takes a full two minutes (twenty-four turns), uninterrupted, to use. -The barrier created is between two or more points demarcated by Jutsu Seals, each of which can be no more than one mile from the seals to which it is directly connected, and which must have been placed by the original user of this jutsu, where y is equal to the number of points used. -Objects, inanimate or otherwise, will either bounce off the barrier or be destroyed by it, according to their nature. -The barrier will be maintained for 1+x turns, where x is specified in the cost above. This period can be extended by investing more energy in the barrier before it collapses, which is a setup-phase action and can be performed by anyone able to reach the barrier. -The original user has the following powers over the barrier, exercising any of which takes thirty seconds (six turns) uninterrupted: --One, to pass through the barrier unharmed along with any objects on his or her person. --Two, to open or close a gate or gap in the barrier of any size, through which anything that fits through the gap may be passed. --Three, to activate or deactivate the barrier entirely, which conserves the barrier's store of energy during deactivation. --Four, to bestow the first, second, or third ability on another person, creature, or object, with any limitations the user cares to specify (for example, that it may only be used at a certain location). --Five, to revoke the first, second, or third ability from another person, creature, or object, add further restrictions to the use of those abilities, or remove restrictions from the use of those abilities. -The barrier may be created in an active or inactive state. -This jutsu may be used to alter a barrier's boundaries by adding or removing Jutsu Seals, in which case the y in the 10y of the cost corresponds to the number of seals added or removed. The maintenance cost is adjusted accordingly in this case. Doing so requires the first power over the barrier. Description: One of the products of Alchem Sanji's IAF research, the Golden Flame Barrier is a much more powerful and versatile version of the well-known Purple Flame Barrier jutsu. It is one of the finest examples of Sanji's talent at jutsu design; the jutsu is superbly put-together, allowing for excellent control over the barrier created and delegation of power over the barrier to others, with the intention of creating something which is useful, long-lasting, and absolutely unable to be used against Sanji. The choice of golden flame over purple is completely aesthetic - Sanji likes the color, and wanted something that would be clearly visible but not obstructive. In fact, the barrier fades to transparency as one grows more distant from it, so that it does not disrupt the view of the landscape from a distance - it is quite invisible at a distance of two miles, and grows more and more vibrantly visible until, close up, it seems a wall of light reaching to the heavens. The jutsu is somewhat more efficient than its predecessor in terms of chakra use. The activation is fairly strange to witness; it requires the user to physically draw at least part of the barrier, spill his or her own blood on it, make an extremely long sequence of handseals, and recite a lengthy incantation ending with "This is the line of division." The casting time of this jutsu makes it highly impractical for use in battle. Points: 10 Secret Effect: -Alchem Sanji also has all of these powers over any barrier created with this jutsu, and ranks above the actual user of the technique for precedence of effects. This effect is secret, and unknown to any other user of the jutsu. A derivation of Shishienjin. Edited December 2, 2009 by Matthias Drake
Rei Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Drake, I'm lovin' it so far but it's a horror to read without spaces (No spaces = Mods won't read because they terrified of missing something). At least use bullet points when you introduce the powers the user has over the barrier. Once you've done that PM me and I'll give real feedback. Doubt you remember this, but I'm read Harry Potter and heading to the Draco Trilogy once I'm finished book 4
Matthias Drake Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 Any better? I've never actually finished the third Draco Trilogy book, but I have the PDFs saved on this computer, waiting to be read. I have a ton of ebooks waiting to be read, really...
Rei Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Still lovin' it, but tact on a keep up cost. I suggest a percent of your total chakra since you're using a variable cost. What do you got? I could go for more books.
Matthias Drake Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 (edited) There IS a keepup cost. It's paid at the beginning, so that the user can walk away and do other things. This isn't intended to be used in battle. The only books I have on this hard drive are school-related. Most of my collection is on my external drive, which is back at the dorm. Edited November 27, 2009 by Matthias Drake
cntrstrk14 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Problems with this. Its way easy to setup and abuse. Let me lay out some examples. - You can pass through it at will. You put an opponent inside of it with a lava terrain and you leave, they will die eventually (Eechi had a technique revoked that did a similar effect) - You can pass through and regenerate chakra/heal/whatever and then dive back in whenever you want while the enemy is at your mercy for an indefinite amount of time, especially since you regenerate Chakra.
Matthias Drake Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Proposed solutions? All I have is to make it usable only out of battle.
cntrstrk14 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Unusable out of battle and not able to use it in battle even if it is already up. Also: Use up to staff discretion: I.E. DON'T BE A DICK.
Matthias Drake Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Edited. I can't see a good rationalisation for it being unusable in battle aside from taking a really long time, so I just made everything take a ridiculous number of uninterrupted turns.
cntrstrk14 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Ok, now to mechanics. Please explain the y to me, I don't understand it. Is it the number of seals in the wall? Because that would make sense. The cost seems about right then, as 200 Chakra would equate to 50 seconds of the wall being up.
Matthias Drake Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Yes, it is. It says so in the second bullet point.
