Doragon Eaite

[Midnight]

~User Data~

-Posting: About a few times a day, if im not flooded by homework

-Time Zone: USA Eastern Standard Time

~Basics~

Name: Doragon, Eaite

Village: Kumogakure

Nationality: Kumogakure

Clan: Doragon Clan (I have permission), http://ninja-academy-online.invisionzone.c...showtopic=21421

Age: 12

Gender: Male

Allegiance: Kumogakure

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~Appearance~

-Height: 4' 8''

-Weight: 107lbs.

-Hair Color: Midnight black (Jet black)

-Eye Color: Red with Draconic pupils. (by-product of the bloodline)

-Clothing: Eaite wears a light, loose, grey pants with, a red skin tight under shirt meant for regorous training. Eaite also wears a black jacket over his shirt with the Doragon clan symbol on the back. Eaite's shoes are plain old ninja sandals, in black color. Eaite wears his headband similar to the way Zabuza wore his, with the Kumo symbol pointing towards the left. Eaite wears a pouch for ninja tools on his right hip.

-Physical Description: He keeps his hair short because it falls into his eyes when its long. He is well muscled and fairly strong, but stays lean and slim. He exercises every day to maintain his fit build. Eaite has a generally scarless body, and lightly tanned skin.

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~History~

Background:

Have you ever wanted something so much you can feel it? Have you ever been disappointed so much you want to just crawl up and die? See one return... it's devastaing. Thats how I used to feel. Now... I want it gone. I will burn it to the ground, and it will never come up again in either....

Eaite was born to a young Kumo pair, a ninja field medic mother of 22, and a ninja father from the Doragon Clan of 22. Eaite grew up like any other only child, living in the Doragon Clan home. From an early age Eaite wanted to be a ninja like his father and mother, and spent countless hours studying and training. During the Kumo war, Eaite was only the age of 9, both of his parents went to the war, and Eaite was taken care of by his grandmother. Eaite continued his ninja studies during the time his parents were at war, becoming better and better as the days went. Eaite trained with many of his clan family members, honing his skills in his Jutsu, hoping to learn all he could.

During the time with his grandmother, Eaite help her in a small but much went to flower shop. She told him many stories of the clan, over their heroes and their legends. Over this time Eaite grew extremely close to her, and she became one of the few, including his parents, which he trusted with his life. He waited eagerly for his parents' return.

However not both of his parents returned from the war. Only his father had lived, his mother having had died in an ambush. Eaite became devastated at the death of his mother and soon went into a form of shock. During his thinking he realized that Kumo wasn't the 'good guy' in the situation, and his allegiance to Kumo wavered. 'How could they get his mother killed?' Eaite would often wonder. In the Academy, Eaite was trained by many the teachers or 'sensei' of the Academy, and meet many people, though not making close relationships with them. 'I want Kumo destroyed," Eaite finally decided when, he passed the Genin exams. He would tell nobody of his plans; they would surely try and stop him. In a few years he would go against Kumo, a few years when he had some true power... However Kumo ended before he could take action and Eaite was left with a feeling of happiness that Kumo would finally be taken down. However Kumo is not entirely gone yet...

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~Persona~

Personality: He is a very funny person that loves to joke around thought he can get serious when the time comes. He is also very patient, though gets mad easily. Very menial things make his emtions flare, like a sad part in a book, or a funny joke. Thought not exactly anti-social, Eaite doesn't feel well around people he doesn't know, or people unfamiliar to him.

Likes: Reading, hanging out with friends

Dislikes: Romace novels, losing

~Favorite~

-Food:Chicken Noodle soup

-Color: Black

-Music Genre: All types of metal

-Book Genre: Action/Adventure

-Hangout: None

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Ninja Stats

Rank: Gennin

Level: 0

TXP: 0

To Next Level: 100

-Stats(out of 500)-

(Health Power) 80

(Stamina) 40

(Chakra) 100

(Taijutsu) 40

(Defense) 40

(Ninjutsu) 40

(Resistance) 20

(Genjutsu) 20

(Concentration)

(Speed) 40

(Accuracy) 40

(Evasion) 40

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~Skills~

Skill Point Tally: 2/2

Remaining Skill Points: 0

Skills:

Quick Learner

+10% EXP From Missions and Training. EXP given as holiday gifts or handed out from events by the staff is not included in this.

Skill Points: -2

Ranks: 1

Skills learned from Jounins: 0/4

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~Techniques~

Jutsu Point Tally: 4

Basic Academy Jutsus:

Name: Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique)

Type: Genjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 10 Genjutsu

Description: Creates an illusionary replica of the user. It is unable to attack or interact with other objects, but can serve as a good distraction.

Damage: None

Effects: Adds +5 evasion and +5 accuracy for each clone. Once a clone is hit it is destroyed, and the bonuses with it.

Name: Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)

Type: Genjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 5 Genjutsu

Description: Wrap chakra around your body to change your appearance. You can still use the features of the thing you can become, e.g use the claws of a clawed animal, but not to the extent of if you were that thing.

Damage: None

Effects: Change your appearance.

Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Substitute Technique)

Type: Ninjutsu

Rank: Academy Student

Cost: 10 Ninjutsu

Description: A lifesaver, and a must-have technique. With this technique, the user is able to swap their body with a nearby object, usually a log, which will take the full force of any incoming blows for them, while they retreat to safe ground or search for an opening. You can only use this 3 times per battle.

Damage: None

Effects: Evade the next attack aimed at you. You are unable to attack the opponent the turn you use this. You can only use this 3 times per battle. This technique cannot be used to dodge Ninjutsu, Taijutsu or Genjutsu Techniques.

Other Jutsus:

Name: Fire element: Shuuchuuhouka (concentrated fire) lvl 1

Type: Ninjutsu

Rank: Genin (clan)

Cost: 80 chakra

Damage: 60

Effects: Sealless; if it misses by 5 or less, opponent has impaired hearing for 1 turn

Description: One of the Doragon Clan's Breath Jutsu. The clan member inhales air before creating a high-density flame orb at the opening of their mouths. They then proceed to release the flame in a concentrated blast so hot that it burns the air around the blast, creating a high-pitched scream which impairs the hearing of any opponent that manages to dodge the main blast.

Points: 4

Jutsus learned from Jounins: 0/12

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~Inventory~

Armor:

-Head: Village Amulet

-Neck:

-Body:

-Waist:

-Forearm(s):

-Hand(s):

-Thigh(s):

-Calve(s):

-Feet:

Weapons:

-Main Weapon:

-Sub Weapon:

-Un-equipped Slot one:

-Un-equipped Slot two:

-Un-equipped Slot three:

Items--

-Pouch: 3 Shuriken, 3 Kunai, and 3 Senbon

-Items in Vault: Nothing

-Money on hand: $125

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~Update Log~

Leveled up and Exp Earned:

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~Money Log~

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~Battle Log~

Wins: 0

Losses: 0

Draws: 0

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~Mission Log~

Rank D: 0

Rank C: 0

Rank B: 0

Rank A: 0

Rank S: 0

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Edited November 7, 2008 by Midnight

[darkness-leader]

Alright, your grammar is perfect, but your descriptions have a lot to be desired.

In the physical description, you should put more details,cause with just that we know that he has short hair and that he's skinny. Does he have scars? What skin tone is he? Does he have skin? o.O

You need to write a background. Basically it's your character's life in in words and summarized. Point out the main things that happened in his life. Also you must write what he did and what happened during the war.

Please, oh please, don't make your character "invincible" just cause he's smart doesn't mean he doesn't have flaws. Practice chess, great example of strategy, then you'll see.

You have to add way more in personality. I'm pretty sure that you don't only get mad, impatient, fast and runs when about to get 'jumped'. What makes your character happy, what gets him sad, angry, etc.

On the 'To next level' put 100 because you need 100 exp to level up.

After that, you see that stats under that? Put stats in it by putting numbers, but when your done your stats should equal 500.

Example:

Health:50

Chakra:100

Stamina:80

etc.

Most important make sure they add up to 100 and that they are put in increments(parts) of 20.(So the number you put should be divisible by 20)

It's a recommendation though, a highly recommended recommendation.

On the skills:

The skill tally shows how many skill points you use. You start with two points, so if your going to use them you put 2/2 after your done copying and pasting. If your not going to use any put 0/2. You know, it'll keep going like that.

Remaining skill points

That shows how many skill points are left. If you used all of them, put zero, if only 1, then put 1, if none the put 0.

Skills

Do the same think you did with techniques, only choose skills from here or from your clan, on your clan page. (Same link as the one you used after 'Clan')

Oh and by the way, you don't have to put an allegiance, since Kumo's reign is about to be wiped out.

EDIT: Also I knew it wasn't done. Just thought I should help early.

Edited October 15, 2008 by darkness-leader

[Rei]

darkness-leader, it clear says work in progress and not done. Please wait until he's finished to comment.

[Midnight]

Edited! About the empetyness about the original bio, I was up late, had to get off the puter, and just posted what I had so far. NO LONGER A WIP, OPEN TO CRITICS NOW.

Edited October 15, 2008 by Midnight

[darkness-leader]

Alright, to me that bio is incredibly suffice with me that is. It's shows his overall life. Also showed what happened during the war.

Now adding more to the personality wouldn't hurt.

Also you should run it through a spell/grammar check and you should be set for approval.

If anything it'll probably be about the bio being short.

[Midnight]

UPDATED! Now is it good?

[darkness-leader]

I'll leave this to the admins and mods, I've done all I can do.

The only advice I can give you is:

Extend your bio and personality.

You should see some other character sheets to see as an example.

Good Luck

Edited October 16, 2008 by darkness-leader

[Midnight]

Updated, and ready for mod, or admin approval or help. Thanks.

[Ash_x]

You need to make your chakra at least 100. Since the only jutsu you have costs 80, and you only have 50 stats on chakra right now, your character wouldn't be able to use it.

I also suggest you raise your accuracy and evasion to at least 40. You should place your stats in groups of 20, as the mods are calculated that way.

[Midnight]

OK UPDATED!

[Fluffywerewolf]

Suggestions:

Increase background a little bit more, as well as run it through a spell check. Also, please double space between paragraphs, as it makes the sheet easier on the eyes. If you have any questions, or would like a little bit of aid, feel free to drop me a line, as I'm more than willing to help out.

Overall, not a bad start, just rough along the edges.

[Midnight]

Updated!

[Maelstrom]

You only start with a maximum of 4 JP.

Also, seeing as how the NCIA/Kumo Empire arc is practically over, we won't be accepting anymore NCIA into the mix. You can still be from Kumo and all that, but you just can't be part of the NCIA.

[Midnight]

Updated, now is it good?

[Maelstrom]

You can probably lose that 'NCIA Identification Card'. Won't really need it anymore.

Statistically, everything looks to be in order. I'd like you to run everything through a spell check, and a solid proof-read probably wouldn't hurt either.

[Midnight]

Good idea about the card. Do you want me to take out the NCIA bonuses too? I would rather keep them but, your the mod. UPDATED ALSO!

Edited November 2, 2008 by Midnight

[Maelstrom]

You need to lose the 'NCIA Gennin Vest', too.

[Midnight]

Take away the extra money too?

[Maelstrom]

Yeah, the extra money too. Sorry. We're going through several changes after the war (which just ended), and revamping the character sheet is apparently going to have to be one of them. ^^;

[Midnight]

Ok finally updated.

[Maelstrom]

Statistically, it's all good.

I suppose your character's history could be longer, but I'm not going to harp about that. I've made you change enough.

APPROVED

[Midnight]

WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!! Finally, comn people 1 more!

[Eechi-go]

Mael was right, your history is a little...short. I'd ask for atleast one more paragraph, because what you have just isn't enough to fully explain who he is. I won't make you get another approval, just do that for me, okay?

[Midnight]

Updated!

[Eechi-go]

Ridin' the Clouds:.