Cellar Door

This seems fine, but since it's been awhile since you did any work on it, I have to ask; Are you still interested in this?

There's a sheet for creating clans, and it gives you sections to fill out to help create a more informative page for clans. As-is, this won't be approved, as it is missing a lot of that key information. I suggest using the sheet. The information you have here is also confusing. A clan is a large family, so parents abandoning their children doesn't make a lot of sense. Why are they beasts at genjutsu? Why do they have ties with Konoha, and what do you mean by "their instincts tell them to go there"? From just these few sentences, the clan feels a lot more like a pack of wolves than people.

Clan Info: Even if a clan has just come to reach notoriety in the world at large, they still have a history that is known to them. People don't only have events happen in their lives when other people are paying attention. So saying "nothing is known" is not adequate here. This section is not for information that all characters would know, it is information for players to know when they want to prepare a character to play in this clan. Other: This is not truly pertinent to the clan itself, but a Player Character can only be a member of one clan. For flavor reasons, a player can be descended from more than one clan, but for the technical aspects of the game, you must choose only one. Currently speaking, Eamonn is a Zandoran. This also extends to bloodlines which a character can only have one of.

Panda summarized my own response quite exactly. I don't personally think the nomenclature for what constitutes a character needs a lot more defining, but the spirit of the skill is definitely that beyond those 4000 words, the character also has to have put some measure of faith and friendship in you. So even if you did a 4000 word mission next to some night guard named Yoshida... if Yoshida didn't give a shit about you, he really wouldn't qualify.

Designer's Notes: Holy shit, I made more Rasengan stuff. Shocked? You shouldn't be. Anyway, this is kind of like a My Way of the Ninja sort of skill, where you can only activate it when you're on the ropes. It's a lot more restrictive though, in that the bonus is a Chakra boost that only pays for Rasengan (Not any Rasengan... specifically only the chunin version), and you lose any additional chakra from it at the end of the turn. The bonus is based on how many people believe in you... accrued via RP. It's not efficient, but I think it's really cool and fitting for what Rasengan is. I marked this as -1... because of how extremely limited the functionality is. The only possible thing I foresee being an issue is stacking this with the other skills for when you're in a bad way. They do key off of different stats though... so you would have to be low enough on Chakra to not normally be able to do a Rasengan and low enough on Health to proc My Way of the Ninja. I also wanted to use that gif soooooo bad.

"The hole in one's heart gets filled by others around you. Friends won't flock to someone who abandons the memory of their friends and gives up on the world just because things don't go the way they want them to. That won't help fill the hole in your heart. People don't help those who run away and do nothing. As long as you don't give up, there will always be salvation." - Hakate Kakashi • Rasengan; Bonds Effect: Once per battle, characters with this skill may activate it as a Setup Phase action anytime they do not possess enough Chakra to perform the technique 'Rasengan'. The user of this skill gains +15x Chakra (max. 300), which can only be used to perform 'Rasengan'. Any Chakra gained from this skill is lost at the end of the turn it is activated. When determining the amount of Chakra gained by the use of this skill 'x' is equivalent to the number of characters in 'Bonds' section below. To be added to the 'Bonds' section, the user of this skill must have participated in at least 20 posts of role-play with the specific character. Description: The Rasengan is the pinnacle of shape manipulation, a massively powerful jutsu that requires the chakra control to be able to form it's iconic sphere without the use of handseals. The Rasengan is a weapon, but it is more than that. The Rasengan is the tool of those who would shoulder the hopes, dreams, and burdens of all those who put their faith in them. These bonds allow them to dig down deep, in those dire moments when things seem their bleakest and they have given their all and draw out just that little bit more to stand and defiantly declare that there is no force that could make them betray those bonds of faith; the will not accept defeat. Bonds: -- Cost: -1

Man... trying to read these has made my eyes go cross like... three times. However, after cross-referencing with older discussion on the first version, I think these are good to go. Approved?

I mean, sure. To be clear, I'm not saying no. It's just like... why be an Akimichi if you didn't want to do the food thing? EDIT: This stuff is also pretty old. As I'm looking it over, I'm kinda like "I didn't do a good job on these." Revisiting the whole thing may not be a bad idea if the clan is going to see a decent amount of use.

Ah, @almondsAndRain, unless the school of thought has changed extremely significantly in the year I've been gone, we don't treat variable strikes in a multi-hit as bundled jutsu like that. We just make them pay the maximum JP that they achieve. If that has changed... my b, but please god don't let it have changed... I would have to resub so much.

The intent was to have food-based items and things that granted calorie counters, but I never had much demand for Akimichi, so it was like "Well, I guess when I get around to it."

Seal of Pain: You're damage breaking caps here by 10 damage. (30 + 30 + 30 = 90) Seal of Change: Approved Seal of Emptiness: Approved Gust Blinder: Approved Vajra Tremor: Approved Monk's Fire Wheel: You're overpaying a little bit here. If you're happy with the cost and effect that's fine, but you could up the damage to 10, and be exactly correct too. Overall, really good work. Show's you're getting a good hang of the system.

Pulled this baby back after talking with C14 a bit in the Origin Skill for toads, and I think the last branch of this Advanced System was not paying enough for what it was doing at all. In accordance with that, I pulled it back and upped the cost of Sage Mode Origin's ranks from 1 & 1 to 2 & 3. This should help pay for the Origin skill that they get and to give people wiggle room to make cool stuff, and cover all the modest stat bonus.

Character: Uzumaki Kazuto Village: Konoha Withdrawing: Explosive Tag Ball [Rank V] x2

I have come to be in possession of a pair of things: 1 Clan Signet Ring (+40 Concentration) -- Gained from one of the Rinne Festivals. 1 Polished Jasper Pendant (+20 Concentration, +20 Evasion, +20 Defense, +20 Accuracy) -- Gained from another random Christmas roll. I would like to merge them for the standard 20 Ryo fee, and add a few things to make; Yamanaka Signet Ring Item Placement: Hands Item Attributes: Token of Inspiration -- +100 Concentration Token of Luck -- +50 Accuracy, +50 Defense, +50 Evasion Chakra Shield I -- Absorbs the first (2x + 50) physical void damage dealt to you in combat, based on the rank of this attribute. The value of x is equal to the wearer's level. This is a triggered effect and does not stack with other Chakra Shields. Elemental Shield I [Earth, Fire, Lightning, Water, Wind] -- Absorbs the first (3x + 50) physical [element] damage dealt to you in combat, based on the rank of this attribute. The value of x is equal to the wearer's level. The [element] is chosen when this attribute is purchased. This is a triggered effect and does not stack with Elemental Shields of the same [element]. Description: This finely wrought, silver ring bears the clan emblem of the Yamanaka clan. Kazuto had this item commissioned from a goldsmith in Yamashouto city while he was training with Mari. Luckily, the attack on the city did not impede the artisan who crafted this piece of jewelry's work. The item is meant to be a token of good luck to help protect its wearer from harm and grant good fortune. Cost: 両1120 Cost break-down: 1 Chakra Shield: 80 Ryo 5 Elemental Shield: 500 Ryo +30 Accuracy: 120 Ryo +30 Evasion: 120 Ryo +30 Defense: 120 Ryo +40 Concentration: 160 Ryo Item Merger: 20 Ryo Total Cost: 1120 Ryo Cash on Hand: 1419 Ryo Remaining: 299 Ryo

Right. And that's basically all it's doing. Bonus fire damage A shield Stack that bloodline up against any of the big hitters and you will rapidly find that even if the shield is pretty powerful, this is not even close to the same kind of monster that many of them are. Which is why I say let it have some power. It's a bloodline that is essentially choosing to be good at just 1 thing.

I think you're being a little hard on this, Princess. Consider all that the Byakugan comes away with paying 5% per turn. The upkeep costs of bloodlines are really not where the drain comes from with Advanced Systems so much as the suspension of advanced regeneration abilities. If you're fighting with chakra, but not getting chakra back, you run out. This is also one of the most tightly constrained stat bonus abilities in a bloodline that we've seen. It's at maximum 480 stats with a pure ninjutsu or 960 on a Nin/Gen hybrid. Byakugan maxes out at 1440. The second branch also feels pretty fine to me, especially when you grade it next to a bloodline like the Dead Bone Pulse, where for the same SP cost, they would regenerate 9% of their total health per turn. The upkeep is greater, mind you, but the amount of regeneration is quite a lot higher than the shield generation. There are some differences of course that need to be considered, most importantly @Azure, Kazanshin will need a maximum amount of shield the user can have at any given time. Right now it's open-ended and a dodgy enough character could really grow a fat shield, so this will need some kind of cap to reign that in. But other than that, I find this bloodline fairly modest, and I think when a bloodline is not trying to milk out every last drop of power it can, we can afford to give them some leeway. I'm not gonna approve it over you or anything, but food for thought.

Oof. So, usually we divide skills into an 'Effect' and 'Description' section. Description being where the basic flavor of the ability goes, and Effect being where the hard math of the game goes. You'll have an easier time getting reviews and feedback if you were to do that. I can still read it because you did a "D&D spell"-style thing where the fluff is the first few sentences, but going forward, please keep what I said in mind. Other than that... this is a perfectly serviceable bloodline. Really good job, and a unique idea. Edit: Some edits were made to this bloodline, mostly looks like it was just to pretty it up, but it's still... v

Approved.

See No Evil - Approved Chakra Ambiance - I don't remember what this looked like before, so I am having trouble like... gauging how much compromise happened here, but I'm still not digging this. I don't like that this is open-ended (for 3 SP); meaning the cheesiest builds would be ones that ramp concentration sky-high to also give themselves good evasion. I don't like that this skirts stat-increasing caps by boosting the net-effect and not the stat; meaning you can give yourself 1000 Evasion at the end game, and an item that gives you +500 Evasion, and then still have a chance to dodge that measures up against Accuracy stats that are in the 2000's. I don't like that there's no upkeep or limit to this, and it will stack with advanced systems. Something here will have to change before this acceptable. Chakra Sensor - If this were any other path, I would be pretty hard on this. It's very similar to just getting 2 Advanced Paths. However, because Sensor has some pretty fluffy masteries that do more for RP than for out and out battle, it doesn't feel nearly as cheesy. Approved

Link: Path of the Tamer Problem: The "mastery title" for Tamer is read as "studious mastery" which belongs to Path of the Pupil. Solution: A new name for the mastery. Animal Husbandry, Wild Talent... something like that. Award Recipient: Hozuki Zangetsu

Approved.

Alright, I had more written out, and have now decided that that was too much to digest in one sitting. First thing's first. Before we start talking about the advanced system, you must put the techniques where the techniques go, and dialogue needs to be had about what the cursed sealing jutsu and the curse seal do. If you're going to have a single, basic advanced system that incorporates all of the cursed seals, the application point is a great place to decide how the seal will evolve without people having to spend SP on it. That being said, this AS feels not at all like a Cursed Seal to me. It feels like if MTG snuck in here and made a black mana version of an advanced system. It sorta uses health as a resource, but then it doesn't... and then it doesn't even close to tackle how their whole existence revolves around Senjutsu Chakra and mutating into monsters. It's just... +offense. But we will talk more about what can be done after I see a technique-sheet that looks something liiiiike this link here Gotta know the foundation is sturdy before you build a tower.

I added the link as requested. As for your question of how this is being paid for SP-wise, I'm not sure I have a good answer for that question after so long. I would imagine that my reasoning had something to do with how late into the game one had to wait to gain Sage Mode, and how much training was required on top of the SP-cost may have played a factor, but it doesn't seem like it's being well-paid-for to me, as I look now. What if I pulled back Sage Mode and made the origin branch cost -2 and -3 respectively, and then also added in the 90% dodge cap? EDIT: I have pulled back Sage Mode to increase the cost of that branch, and in addition to that, I added a cap to the second part of this skill and reduced the amount of bonus you get from it from 3x and 2x to 2x and 1x.