Bombardier Beetle Bloodline

[tygerin]

Bakugō sutairu: Bītorujeneshisu - Detonation Style: Beetle Genesis



 

Test subjects, gathered as infants, were ruthlessly experimented on to augment their abilities with those of the beetle species. It was an effort to advance insect based clans by simply creating a ninja with their attributes rather than house them as clans like the Aburame. The goal was to breed the innate strengths of the species, such as the rhinoceros beetle able to lift over 800 times its own weight, the bombardier beetle with a natural flammable explosive mixture to thwart predators. The scientist failed many times, leaving many discarded subjects until they reached batch N001.


The successful candidates from batch N001 exhibited the traits found within the beetle species. The test subjects, although they resembled a humanoid form, their internals system was vastly different. For one, as the rhinoceros beetle, they have no skeletal system. Their skin, is actually a chitinous shell which resembles human flesh. The look and feel to the epidermis of a hardened plastic; a dull and off color. Their joints resembled connectors in a human sized mannequin, while their face remained emotionless, the joints for the jaw resembling a human puppet while fully extending to reveal rows of predatory teeth and a abysmal maw. Their internal organs are protected further by dense muscle tissue, and without the skeletal system, their entire body responds as one large muscle performing actions, granting natural strength. Another trait which was bred into them were the natural defenses of the bombardier beetle, which creates a chemical compound which is explosive and flammable. Considering the size of the humanoid and their chemical makeup, tests has shown that even as an infant the test subject was able to create explosions from the secretions of the glandular system.


Further tests have shown that the subjects were predatory in their primal state, ravenous carnivores which sought various ways to hunt. It was not until candidate N001-12 killed and devoured portions of a criminal acquired for this test that they shown any signs of sentient behavior with a full range of speech. From that candidate, we claimed specimens for reproduction and used female candidates for in vitro-fertilization with remarkable success. Labeled batch O1, the infants, fully gained all the abilities of their forebears, but unfortunately, nothing could be done for their unremarkable resemblance... we suggest further testing...

 

 

 

 

 

Sukarabe Bōn [scarab Borne]
The ninja, as a beetle is born with a physiology which differs from regular humans, internally they similar to humans, but without a skeletal system. Their skin although resembling humans, is really a hard chitinous chambers which protect their bodies from harm and puncture. The young still has to develop the appropriate hardness to grant them invulnerability to their own natural weaponry.

 

Effects:

Rank 1:

- Reducing total damage from Fire Element attacks to 90%. +30% total damage from Ice Element attacks.

- User gains the [Explosion] for free in replacement of their village element.

- User may coat any number of small weapons in their Setup Phase for the cost of x Chakra. The value of x is the base damage of the small weapon which is being coated with detonation gel. Gaining the properties of Explosion element

Requirements: Must be taken at Character Creation.

Cost: -2 SP

 

Rank 2

- Reducing total damage from Fire Element attacks to 80%. +20% total damage from Ice Element attacks.

- The user takes half damage from the Status Effect "Burning", rounded down.

Requirements: Level 10

Cost: -2 SP

 

Rank 3

- Reducing total damage from Fire Element attacks to 70%. +10% total damage from Ice Element attacks.

- The user is immune to the Status Effect "Burned".

Requirements: Chuunin or Level 25

Cost: -2 SP

 

Rank 4

- Reducing total damage from Fire Element attacks to 60%. 

- The user is immune to the Status Effect "Burning".

Requirements: Jounin or Level 50

Cost: -2 SP

 

 

 

Saibītoru Niku  [Rhino Beetle Flesh]

Description: The ninja was born without a skeletal system; instead they have a chitinous flesh which resembles that of human flesh, but given a dull appearance. Like the Rhinoceros beetle, the user is granted increased physical prowess. 

Effect: User takes 5 less damage for every 15 points of Defense instead of 20.
Cost: -2

 

 

Bonbarudia Bunpitsu - Bombardier Secretions
Description: As the ninja of this lineage grows, their body adapts the glandular system more effectively. The explosive qualities of the mixture courses through their system ready for its various use, granting stronger blast yields from it.
Effect: The user may take Ninjutsu Mastery [Explosion] for 2 ranks for 1 skill point

Cost: -1 

 

Kyōgeki Burittsu - Pincer Blitz

The fighting method which the recipient adopted uses their bloodline beneficially. The ninja combined their physical prowess gained from the rhinoceros beetle along with the explosive gel of the bombardier beetle, making every blow or strike at the target with the added damage from an explosion.

Requirements: Bonbarudia Bunpitsu Rank 1

Effects:

- The user may pay x Chakra in their Setup Phase to give a bonus x [Explosion] element damage to a Taijutsu or Basic Attack used in the following Main Phase. The value of x is equal to the user's level.

- If a Taijutsu is used in the Main Phase, it is considered to be a Ninjutsu & Taijutsu hybrid and follows those rules.

- If a Basic Attack is used in the Main Phase, the user additional gains +5 damage for every 30 Ninjutsu they have.

Cost: -2 SP

 

Shinka no Bunpitsu - Evolutionary Secretion

Through constant manipulation of his natural skills and elemental mastery, the user is able to combine his gel with elements which he learned.

Effect: User is able to add a known Subtle or Combinatorial Elements to weaponry coated with Sukarabe Bōn or Ninjutsu modified by Bonbarudia Bunpitsu.

Requirement: Mastery of Sukarabe Bōn

-1

Edited July 3, 2016 by tygerin

[ZeroFate]

quick word of advice: some people use different site skins than the standard white one. For example I use the Deviant skin which is a more dark green/blue color, so your really dark grey text doesn't show up that well. The grey you used up at the top of the page is a much better choice. 

[tygerin]

quick word of advice: some people use different site skins than the standard white one. For example I use the Deviant skin which is a more dark green/blue color, so your really dark grey text doesn't show up that well. The grey you used up at the top of the page is a much better choice. 

Sorry, I have the white skin..

 

I will change text to red

[ZeroFate]

I'm probably not the best source for opinions on battle system matters, but this seems kind of underwhelming for the skill point values you have here. You could probably get away with the ranks doing a little bit more. I do like the direction you're headed in with that last one though. 

[tygerin]

noted, amped it alittle bit

[Cellar Door]

So... is breathing a super heated fluid the only power you want from the beetle? Because you could also call that a trait that this beetle shares with dragons, and a few other mythical creatures. I mean, if you're also interested in having the character grow chitinous armor when in danger or something like that it'd be more beetle-centric, but right now, you could make a character and arbitrarily name him 'Charles The Napalm Boy' and the bloodline would still apply, and have nothing to do with beetles.

I don't mean to seem too critical. I'm actually asking because I think the idea is kind of cool, and because you're very new, I'd be willing to help you come up with a bloodline that isn't underwhelming as David put it.

[tygerin]

yeah... not TOO critical... ouch

 

 I will accept your help. 

 

So basically, you want me to expand this to all the attributes of various beetles? I will give it a try... and I guess change the name. 

Edited July 29, 2014 by tygerin

[Cellar Door]

I want you to imagine how you see your character using this bloodline. What sort of abilities would he/she use in roleplay, or battle. With that information it'll be easier to figure out what sort bloodline branches should be made.

[tygerin]

Ok, fixed it based on that concept

[cntrstrk14]

I really like the idea of this clan, it something we haven't seen explored. And after 10 years of a role play community that is saying something. It's a bit rough around the edges, but that is just something that will get better with experience. If I seem harsh at some points I don't mean it to be, but I'm not going to dance around points I am making either.

 

Bakuton: Hosokubigomimushi

[Explosive Style: Bombardier Beetle]

 

Rogue ninjas kidnapped and forced scientists to work on a project; they wanted ninjas based on the Aburame clan. They wanted an army of ninja drones with the capabilities of the beetle species all subservient to their cause and whim. Strong, agile, flight, ravenous... powerful. Taken war orphans or simply attacking traveling families for their young, they gained their test subjects and transported the lot to an abandoned lab which they found underground the roots of a dead tree in the forest.

 

There were many failures, enough to gain the interest for an investigation of the ANBU. As soon as they found the kidnappers, they worked their way back to the lab and seen the tragedy... the dead thrown into a pit of ravenous scarabs to devour as the remaining lot still submerged within their containers. The scientists, only three which survived the harsh prodding for results, were chained to a wall while covered with sealed explosive tags ready to ignite with a simple seal.

 

As the battle against the criminals ensued, one of the rogue ninjas ignited a scientist attempting to escape while also destroying most of the remaining test subjects with one seal. Only the few furthest away from the explosion survived. After the battle, the surviving infants and scientist were taking back to the village... the babies so disfigured that learning their previous parents were impossible to fathom.

So this whole section, I read it and I don't know anything bout what your bloodline actually is. Is this a clan of people that have this trait? Was this in the distant past? Is this recently and is this "bloodline" a "genetic mutation" that is unique to your character (but could be passed down later?)

A good goal with your opening to a bloodline is to think of it like the first few sentences of a wikipedia article. Summarize the bloodline in a few sentences, that way when you do go into detail the audience/reader knows what they are suppose to be picturing.

That all said, this history section could likely be moved to a clan page. Or at the very least needs a summary introduction. It really depends on if you want this to be a clan of many members of a genetic mutation (basically means your character would be the first of a new bloodline).

 

Rank Requirements

Rank 1 – Character Creation

Rank 2 – Rank 10

Rank 3 – Chuunin or Level 25

Rank 4 – Jounin or Level 50

Pretty good, though you want to say Level 10 as rank means something else in game terms.

 

Sukarabe bōn [scarab Borne]

The ninja, as a beetle is born with a physiology which differs from regular humans, internally they similar to humans, but without a skeletal system. Their skin although resembling humans, is really a hard chitinous chambers which protect their bodies from harm and puncture. The young still has to develop the appropriate hardness to grant them invulnerability to their own natural weaponry.

So, first lesson of NA that every single person on here learns soon or later. When you translate to Japanese, read your translation aloud to yourself. Translations have a way of often just being bad english pronunciations. If this is what you want that is A-OK, just wanted to make sure that it's literally just "Scarab Borne" with a Japanese accent. (I have a technique named Time Bomb and the japanese name I have is "Taimu Bomu", so its totally legit if its what you're going for).

Secondly, So basically you have an exoskeleton structure but you don't want to look weird, right? I would make a compromise here and maybe give a little detail of how one can tell the difference. Maybe on close examination it actually looks like overlapping scales? Or their skin has strange ridges at certain points that a sharp eye could find but at first glance they look like a normal human.

Effects: Each rank activates an associate bloodline rank.

I'm not quite sure what you mean with this line. Please clarify and I'll help nail what you're trying to do.

 

Rank 1:

-They are able to resist damage to fire element attacks. Reducing damage to 90%

Total or Base damage?

-They are able to form small weaponry out of the gel which is activated in the setup or response phase.

Is this your action for the turn? I would likely just make it a Setup Phase action. Having it be Response Phase or Setup Phase is a little clunky.

-They are able to coat objects and targets with the gel based on their bakuton jutsu

What rules relevance does this happen? This ability might be something that is moved to your techniques rather than the bloodline unless there is a significance to this.

-1   

 

Rank 2

-They are able to resist damage to fire element attacks. Reducing damage to 80%

-Able to reduce the cost of Bakuton jutsu by 10%

-1

 

Rank 3

-They are able to resist damage to fire element attacks. Reducing damage to 70%

-Able to reduce the cost of Bakuton jutsu by 20%

-1

 

Rank 4

-They are able to resist damage to fire element attacks. Reducing damage to 60%

-Able to reduce the cost of Bakuton jutsu by 30%

-1

I am all on board for reducing fire damage, that is cool. Reduction of your clan jutsu's costs though feel a bit uninspired to me. Maybe we can find some other aspect that is "core" to being a beetle man that we can pull out here and find an effect for.

 

Tsumami burittsu [Pincer Blitz]

The evolution of the bloodline, the components of both the bombardier and rhinoceros beetle, grants the user a unique ability. Through natural configuration, the ninja is able to combine his secretions with his fighting style.

So the name of this implies that you have pincers, but the description implied that you use secretion to enhance your style. I would maybe line the name and the description up more here to be clear.

Requirement: must have both Bonbarudia bunpitsu & Saibītoru niku

Effects:

-The basic non-weapon and taijutsu attacks works off of both stamina and chakra pools.

There are 5 types of attack in the game. Basic, Weapon, Taijuts, Ninjutsu and Genjutsu. I believe you mean here "Basica and Taijutsu attacks". Also, when you say both do you mean evenly 50/50? "The user's Taijutsu and Basic attacks cost equal amounts Stamina and Chakra instead of only Stamina.

-the damage ratio follows that of taijutsu but maximum damage is that of ninjutsu.

This is a little strange, as Taijutsu damage caps are higher than Ninjutsu.

-1

 

 

Bonbarudia bunpitsu [bombardier Secretions]

Description: As the ninja of this lineage grows, their body adapts the glandular system more effectively. The explosive qualities of the mixture courses through their system ready for its various use.

Effect: For each rank in this skill increase all damage dealt by Bakuton techniques which the holder uses by the wielder by 1x, where x is equal to the user’s level.

4 Ranks is probably too much. Max level that is +480 damage which is the equivalent of + 1920 stat points. That is about 700 more stat points than the highest of bloodlines. Also, this ability is another very generic ability. Bonus damage to your clan techniques is a bit boring, can probably come up with a better thing to throw SP at.

Ranks: 4

Cost: -1

 

Saibītoru niku [Rhino Beetle flesh]

Description: The ninja was born without a skeletal system; instead they have a chitinous flesh which resembles that of human flesh, but given a dull appearance. Like the Rhinoceros beetle, the user is granted increased physical prowess.

Effect: For each rank in this skill increase health & stamina by 10% while taijutsu, defense, speed, evasion increase by 7%.

This is too good as a passive. Even as something you would have an upkeep cost for this is probably a bit too good. Check out some of the other bloodlines approved on the forum for some examples. Normally bloodlines will give static bonuses to stats rather than straight percentiles. +40% HP and Stamina and + 28% Taijutsu, Defense, Speed and Evasion is a lot of stat points in the end. Assuming 1000 in each (low for max level) that is + 1120 stat points which is about how much bonuses you get for bloodlines that pay 5%-10% of their chakra per turn to have them "activated".

Ranks: 4

Cost: -2

 

Ue chishiki [Ravenous Knowledge]

Description: The ravenous nature of their primal state also grants the ninja a unique ability. As the species evolves to gain the natural defenses granted from its prey, the subject is able to gain knowledge through cannibalism

Effect: The ninja is able to gain one skill/technique from devouring the brain tissue of a target shinobi.

-2

I like this idea, but it needs to have some limits. First off, skill points are pretty tightly controlled in the game, so gaining skills is pretty powerful. We likely just want to remove that. Techniques is also stepping on the toes of the Uchiha, that's a big part of their trademark and we don't like to step on other clans toes without good reason. Maybe we can work on something else here, like a EXP bonus when killing an opponent and eating their brains and the chance to learn one of the techniques from their sheet. Higher rank techniques have higher chances to fail and not be learned.

 

Kabutomushibijon [beetle Vision]

Description: An unforeseen ability which the bloodline grants is tetrachromacy; the ability to see ultraviolet wavelengths among the three naturally a human sees. The ninja trained his sight to view people around him differently. The people around him are highlighted, their natural aura displays no different than pollinated flowers. Because this, the ninja is able to track and target them more effectively.

Effect: For every rank in this skill, the bloodline recipient gains 1x to their accuracy and concentration pools. x being the rank of the ninja.

We're a bit all over the place here, we've almost gotten bonuses to every stat at this point so let's move to review.

Ranks: 4

Cost:-1

Review: You're all over the place mechanically. The best bloodlines are the ones that get really focused on what they want to do and then do it well. If you want bonuses to speed, evasion, taijutsu, etc. you can get those from Techniques or other non-bloodline skills. It does not all need to be done here.

The good news is that it seems like you have a pretty good flavor focus, and that can help us narrow down what we want this bloodline to do.

A.) Hardened Exoskeleton which helps the user take less damage, especially fire damage.

B.) Secretion that enhances their attacks (though I am unsure HOW it helps. Is it poisonous? Does it burn through anything it touches? Is it sticky and holds the opponent to the ground? Paint me a picture.

I think these two things can really be what you focus on. The first one has some ranks that increase defense and fire resistance. The second is a series of skills that allow you to modify your clan techniques with different abilities.

Tell me what you think and we can move from there. I could make the bloodline for you, but that takes away from the valuable lessons to be learned and also wouldn't really be YOUR bloodline anymore. To let's hash this out and get the conversation flowing.

[tygerin]

thanks, I made more adjustments to it for review

[Azure]

I don't have a lot of time right now, so I'll be back review it (prod me if I forget) but I will give you this to think about:

Sukarabe bōn [scarab Borne]

The ninja, as a beetle is born with a physiology which differs from regular humans, internally they similar to humans, but without a skeletal system. Their skin although resembling humans, is really a hard chitinous chambers which protect their bodies from harm and puncture. The young still has to develop the appropriate hardness to grant them invulnerability to their own natural weaponry.

Effects:

-The bloodline recipient is able to produce enough gel to form small weaponry [spikes, senbon, kunai] in the setup phase for the use of techniques or basic weapon attacks. They are also able to use this same gel to coat objects to explode on impact with their intended target

-Status Effects Burned or burning have no effect on the ninja of this bloodline

First, we want to place a limit on how many small weapons are created a turn. Usually this sounds like something a jutsu could do, but if it is a by product of the bloodline, I could see it fitting as a bloodline trait.

Second, these abilities will need some sort of cost to them. If this bloodline is going to be an activated bloodline (paying chakra for activation and per turn upkeep) then that can suffice. If this is a passive bloodline (always active) then a skill point cost will be factored into that. So far it looks like this is going to be a passive bloodline, but given the amount of revisions it has seen, I'm not sure where you stand on it. Answering that question will help with developing the bloodline boundaries. If this was addressed somewhere in this topic, my bad I skimmed for lack of time.

[tygerin]

passive, since all of the abilities which they bloodline grants are those within his system... so increase the skill points?

[cntrstrk14]

-The bloodline recipient is able to produce enough gel to form small weaponry [spikes, senbon, kunai] in the setup phase for the use of techniques or basic weapon attacks. They are also able to use this same gel to coat objects to explode on impact with their intended target

This will need to have some kind of small chakra cost associated with it. I would say 10 Chakra per weapon created, and also you need to have some kind of reasonable cap on how many you can make in one Setup Phase. I would just have it equal the amount of Small weapons you can throw in a turn based on your ninja rank.

- Status Effects Burned or burning have no effect on the ninja of this bloodline.

This is going to be -3 SP alone. -1.5~ SP for immunity to each status effect. It's a bit cheaper than normal because it's on theme with the fire resistance that seems very core to this bloodline idea.

Ranks 1-4:

I think -1 SP for each of these ranks is fine, but I think that the first rank needs to cost -4 SP due to the passive effects it buys. So -4 SP for the first rank and -1 SP for ranks 2-4.

-The basic and taijutsu attacks gain the element of Bakuton. The expenditures of the attacks works off of both stamina and chakra pools in a 50/50 split.

-Damage ratio and damage cap follows the combined jutsu rules.

Try this wording instead...

"Basic Attacks from the user are considered to be Bakuton Style techniques. All Basic Attacks have their Stamina costs converted to an even split of Stamina and Chakra, rounded up.”

You don’t need to talk about Taijutsu techniques because when you make those you will just add the tag [bakuton] to show that they are of this bloodline. Unlike a more traditional style, this works more as just a tag for them to be referenced by skills.

Gotta go do some stuff, I'll comment on the rest later.

[tygerin]

done. But couldn't the cost of scarab borne be spread out throughout the 4 ranks? like 2SP a rank?

 

I added the text for the amount of weapons which could be made in a turn which was set by rank. I also created a jutsu associated with it as well, didn't want to submit them until I get the bloodline approved, but here was the jutsu created for it. 

 

Name:Bakuton: Kabutomushisutingu [Explosive Style: Beetle Sting]
Type: Ninjutsu - Setup phase jutsu 
Rank: Gennin
Cost: 10x Weapon used
Damage: 18+weapon damage
Effects: Burning for one turn: You take x damage every turn (x is determined in the technique that inflicts bleeding). Bleeding/Burning/Poison damage begins to take place on the turn after the attack hits. So if a technique hits a target for 20 Bleed damage for two turns- the first turn they are hit, the second turn they take Bleed damage, and the third turn they take Bleed damage again. The total Bleed/Burn/Poison damage in a single technique cannot break the damage cap for that technique when added together with the regular damage that it deals. This can stack with itself.
Description: The ninja takes out the projectile weapon. He coats the weapon in his explosive gel and primes it so that the weapon itself. When the weapon connects, it will add the benefit of explosive damage to its cause.  
Points: 2

Edited August 5, 2014 by tygerin

[tygerin]

bump

[PandaMattMatt]

Bakuton: Hosokubigomimushi

[Explosive Style: Bombardier Beetle]

 

 

Test subjects, gathered as infants, were ruthlessly experimented on to augment their abilities with those of the beetle species. It was an effort to advance insect based clans by simply creating a ninja with their attributes rather than house them as clans like the Aburame. The goal was to breed the innate strengths of the species, such as the rhinoceros beetle able to lift over 800 times its own weight, the bombardier beetle with a natural flammable explosive mixture to thwart predators. The scientist failed many times, leaving many discarded subjects until they reached batch N001.

 

 

The successful candidates from batch N001 exhibited the traits found within the beetle species. The test subjects, although they resembled a humaniod form, their internals system was vastly different. For one, as the rhinoceros beetle, they have no skeletal system. Their skin, is actually a chitinous shell which resembles human flesh. The look and feel to the epidermis of a hardened plastic; a dull and off color. Their joints resembled connectors in a human sized mannequin, while their face remained emotionless, the joints for the jaw resembling a human puppet while fully extending to reveal rows of predatory teeth and a abysmal maw. Their internal organs are protected further by dense muscle tissue, and without the skeletal system, their entire body responds as one large muscle performing actions, granting natural strength. Another trait which was bred into them were the natural defenses of the bombardier beetle, which creates a chemical compound which is explosive and flammable. Considering the size of the humanoid and their chemical makeup, tests has shown that even as an infant the test subject was able to create explosions from the secretions of the glandular system. 

 

 

Further tests have shown that the subjects were predatory in their primal state, ravenous carnivores which sought various ways to hunt. It was not until candidate N001-12 killed and devoured portions of a criminal acquired for this test that they shown any signs of sentient behavior with a full range of speech. From that candidate, we claimed specimens for reproduction and used female candidates for in vitro-fertilization with remarkable success. Labeled batch O1, the infants, fully gained all the abilities of their forebears, but unfortunately, nothing could be done for their unremarkable resemblance... we suggest further testing...

 

 

 

 

Rank Requirements

Rank 1 – Character Creation

Rank 2 – Level 10

Rank 3 – Chuunin or Level 25

Rank 4 – Jounin or Level 50

 

 

 

 

Sukarabe bōn [scarab Borne]

The ninja, as a beetle is born with a physiology which differs from regular humans, internally they similar to humans, but without a skeletal system. Their skin although resembling humans, is really a hard chitinous chambers which protect their bodies from harm and puncture. The young still has to develop the appropriate hardness to grant them invulnerability to their own natural weaponry.

Effects:

-The bloodline recipient is able to produce enough gel to form small weaponry [spikes, senbon, kunai] in the setup phase for the use of techniques or basic weapon attacks. They are also able to use this same gel to coat objects to explode on impact with their intended target. The limit of small weaponry created and used is based on basic attack rules for battle by ninja rank.

-Status Effects Burned or burning have no effect on the ninja of this bloodline

 

Rank 1:

-They are able to resist damage from fire element attacks. Reducing total damage to 90%

-4    

 

Rank 2

-They are able to resist damage to fire element attacks. Reducing total damage to 80%

-1

 

Rank 3

-They are able to resist damage to fire element attacks. Reducing total damage to 70%

-1

 

Rank 4

-They are able to resist damage to fire element attacks. Reducing total damage to 60%

-1

 

 

Hasami burittsu sentō sutairu [Pincer Blitz fighting style]

The fighting style which the recipient adopted uses their bloodline beneficially. The ninja combined his physical prowess gained from the rhinoceros beetle along with the explosive gel of the bombardier beetle, making every blow or strike at the target with the added damage from an explosion.

Requirement: must have both Bonbarudia bunpitsu & Saibītoru niku

Effects:

-Basic Attacks from the user are considered to be Bakuton Style techniques. All Basic Attacks have their Stamina costs converted to an even split of Stamina and Chakra, rounded up.

-Damage ratio and damage cap follows the combined jutsu rules.

-1

 

 

Bonbarudia bunpitsu [bombardier Secretions]

Description: As the ninja of this lineage grows, their body adapts the glandular system more effectively. The explosive qualities of the mixture courses through their system ready for its various use, granting stronger blast yields from it.

Effect: For each rank in this skill increase all damage dealt by Bakuton techniques which the holder uses by the wielder by 1x, where x is equal to the user’s level.

Ranks: 3

Cost: -1

 I don't like this skill the way it is worded and I think it should be -2 per rank. I think three ranks is a bit much for this kind of added damage though. Try this for wording:

Rank 1: Increase Base damage of Bakuton Techniques by 1x where x equals the user's level.

Rank 2: Increase Base Damage of Bakuton Techniques by 2x where x equals the user's level.

Saibītoru niku [Rhino Beetle flesh]

Description: The ninja was born without a skeletal system; instead they have a chitinous flesh which resembles that of human flesh, but given a dull appearance. Like the Rhinoceros beetle, the user is granted increased physical prowess.

Effect: For each rank in this skill increase health, stamina, taijutsu, defense, speed, & evasion increase by 1x, where x is equal to the user’s level.

Ranks: 3

Cost: -3

One rule of thumb is -1 sp per effect. So if you wanted to keep this the way it is, you should start with a -6 sp cost. However, I don't like the idea of getting free stat points passively. I suggest altering this to be an Activated skill and you pay an upkeep per turn to get the bonus. 

Ue chishiki [Ravenous Knowledge]

Description: The ravenous nature of their primal state also grants the ninja a unique ability. As the species evolves to gain the natural defenses granted from its prey, the subject is able to gain knowledge through cannibalism

Effect:

- When computing the exp for winning a battle, the multiplier is now [enemy level]x30   x30 is too much. Imagine fighting a level 120 and winning. That'd be similar to beating a level 3600 opponent which is... insane. So no. Try to keep it in the single digits. No more than 3.

-The ninja must roll a 1d100 in order to gain the possibility of gleaming a jutsu from the memories of the ninja consumed. The roll should be greater than y[nin rank] - x[concentration mod]

Gennin=50,Chunnin=60,Jounin=70

-3

[tygerin]

made some of the alterations to it. increased the sp, reduced the stat pools for some...

 

only problem is making his skin, which is a exoskeleton, an activated skill, since its the actual flesh of the person...

[PandaMattMatt]

You still need to change some of the wording. "For each rank in this skill increase base damage dealt by Bakuton techniques which the holder uses by the wielder by 1x, where x is equal to the user’s level." Is confusing and unclear.

"For each rank in this skill increase base damage dealt by Bakuton techniques which the wielder by 1x, where x is equal to the wielder’s level."

Hi, Cellar Door here. I didn't have a full statement to add, but I agree with this, so I figured I'd hijack PMM's review to give you an easy and succinct way to say what you wanted to get across. Anway, back to PMM.

 

Your exoskeleton skill should still be an activated skill

 

Bombardier Secretions should only be 2 ranks.

Edited August 10, 2014 by Cellar Door

[Cellar Door]

Alright, now that I have more time to sit down and look at this, the Rhino Beetle Skin part... is cool, because it's passive, but I think we can come up with a limiter so you don't always just have extra stats over somebody.

"For each rank in this skill increase taijutsu, defense, & evasion increase by 1x, where x is equal to the user’s level (rounded up to the nearest 20th level) Bonuses provided by this skill are reduced to .5x when the user's stamina/chakra reach 40% of their total, and are reduced to 0x when the user's stamina/chakra reaches 20% of their total."

The effect worded in this way keeps you from having weird numbers that don't give you benefit in your stats, and if your stamina or chakra (you pick one, doesn't have to be both) reach below a certain level your skin starts to soften, leaving you more vulnerable. This is a limiter that makes it more fair, since most bloodlines have to be activated.

[tygerin]

ok, changed it with the new wording for the skills

[Cellar Door]

Approved

[Hardcore Skittlez]

Bakuton: Hosokubigomimushi

[Explosive Style: Bombardier Beetle]

 

 

Test subjects, gathered as infants, were ruthlessly experimented on to augment their abilities with those of the beetle species. It was an effort to advance insect based clans by simply creating a ninja with their attributes rather than house them as clans like the Aburame. The goal was to breed the innate strengths of the species, such as the rhinoceros beetle able to lift over 800 times its own weight, the bombardier beetle with a natural flammable explosive mixture to thwart predators. The scientist failed many times, leaving many discarded subjects until they reached batch N001.

 

 

The successful candidates from batch N001 exhibited the traits found within the beetle species. The test subjects, although they resembled a humanoid form, their internals system was vastly different. For one, as the rhinoceros beetle, they have no skeletal system. Their skin, is actually a chitinous shell which resembles human flesh. The look and feel to the epidermis of a hardened plastic; a dull and off color. Their joints resembled connectors in a human sized mannequin, while their face remained emotionless, the joints for the jaw resembling a human puppet while fully extending to reveal rows of predatory teeth and a abysmal maw. Their internal organs are protected further by dense muscle tissue, and without the skeletal system, their entire body responds as one large muscle performing actions, granting natural strength. Another trait which was bred into them were the natural defenses of the bombardier beetle, which creates a chemical compound which is explosive and flammable. Considering the size of the humanoid and their chemical makeup, tests has shown that even as an infant the test subject was able to create explosions from the secretions of the glandular system. 

 

 

Further tests have shown that the subjects were predatory in their primal state, ravenous carnivores which sought various ways to hunt. It was not until candidate N001-12 killed and devoured portions of a criminal acquired for this test that they shown any signs of sentient behavior with a full range of speech. From that candidate, we claimed specimens for reproduction and used female candidates for in vitro-fertilization with remarkable success. Labeled batch O1, the infants, fully gained all the abilities of their forebears, but unfortunately, nothing could be done for their unremarkable resemblance... we suggest further testing...

 

 

 

 

Rank Requirements

Rank 1 – Character Creation

Rank 2 – Level 10

Rank 3 – Chuunin or Level 25

Rank 4 – Jounin or Level 50

 

 

 

 

Sukarabe bōn [scarab Borne]

The ninja, as a beetle is born with a physiology which differs from regular humans, internally they similar to humans, but without a skeletal system. Their skin although resembling humans, is really a hard chitinous chambers which protect their bodies from harm and puncture. The young still has to develop the appropriate hardness to grant them invulnerability to their own natural weaponry.

Effects:

-The bloodline recipient is able to produce enough gel to form small weaponry [spikes, senbon, kunai] in the setup phase for the use of techniques or basic weapon attacks. They are also able to use this same gel to coat objects to explode on impact with their intended target. The limit of small weaponry created and used is based on basic attack rules for battle by ninja rank.

^This should be a technique/series of techniques, rather than a costless effect of a bloodline.

-Status Effects Burned or burning have no effect on the ninja of this bloodline

 

Rank 1:

-They are able to resist damage from fire element attacks. Reducing total damage to 90%

-2    

 

Rank 2

-They are able to resist damage to fire element attacks. Reducing total damage to 80%

-2

 

Rank 3

-They are able to resist damage to fire element attacks. Reducing total damage to 70%

-2

 

Rank 4

-They are able to resist damage to fire element attacks. Reducing total damage to 60%

-2

 

 

Hasami burittsu sentō sutairu [Pincer Blitz fighting style]

The fighting style which the recipient adopted uses their bloodline beneficially. The ninja combined his physical prowess gained from the rhinoceros beetle along with the explosive gel of the bombardier beetle, making every blow or strike at the target with the added damage from an explosion.

Requirement: must have both Bonbarudia bunpitsu & Saibītoru niku

Effects:

-Basic Attacks from the user are considered to be Bakuton Style techniques. All Basic Attacks have their Stamina costs converted to an even split of Stamina and Chakra, rounded up.

-Damage ratio and damage cap follows the combined jutsu rules.

^ the bold section has no relevance to basic attacks, and can be removed. Also, rephrase the first part to say "The user's basic attacks are now considered to be of the Explosion Element. Basic attacks now have their cost split evenly between chakra and stamina."

-1

 

 

Bonbarudia bunpitsu [bombardier Secretions]

Description: As the ninja of this lineage grows, their body adapts the glandular system more effectively. The explosive qualities of the mixture courses through their system ready for its various use, granting stronger blast yields from it.

Effect: For each rank in this skill increase base damage dealt by Bakuton techniques which the wielder by 1x, where x is equal to the wielder’s level.

Ranks: 2

Cost: -2

Instead of Bakuton, say "Explosion"- since Explosion is an element here already.

 

 

Saibītoru niku [Rhino Beetle flesh]

Description: The ninja was born without a skeletal system; instead they have a chitinous flesh which resembles that of human flesh, but given a dull appearance. Like the Rhinoceros beetle, the user is granted increased physical prowess.

Effect: For each rank in this skill increase taijutsu, defense, & evasion increase by 1x, where x is equal to the user’s level (rounded up to the nearest 20th level) Bonuses provided by this skill are reduced to .5x when the user's stamina reach 40% of their total, and are reduced to 0x when the user's stamina/chakra reaches 20% of their total

Ranks: 3

Cost: -3

This functions like an "advanced system" and should be labeled as such. The mechanic is interesting, but you could very easily take a particular set of skills to be Stamina positive throughout a battle, and never lose the benefit. Instead, I propose that it read as such:

 

 

Effect: This skill may be activated in the Setup Phase at a cost of 5% of the user's total stamina; the user must pay 5% of their total stamina per turn as upkeep. For each rank in this skill, increase the user's taijutsu, defense, and evasion by 1x, where x is equal to the user's level; each rank of this skill increases the minimum value of X by 20. This is an advanced system.

 

 

 

Ue chishiki [Ravenous Knowledge]

Description: The ravenous nature of their primal state also grants the ninja a unique ability. As the species evolves to gain the natural defenses granted from its prey, the subject is able to gain knowledge through cannibalism

Effect:

- When computing the exp for winning a battle, the multiplier is now [enemy level]x3

-The ninja must roll a 1d100 in order to gain the possibility of gleaming a jutsu from the memories of the ninja consumed. The roll should be greater than y[nin rank] - x[concentration mod]

Gennin=50,Chunnin=60,Jounin=70

-3

I'm okay with the second part of this, but the first... you're losing 17x experience on a victory, now. I think you meant to say 30x. However, we have a yokai that already does basically this, and I'd like to see it remain the superior option due to this type of ability being one of its primary attributes. I propose that you instead say "The user gains an additional 10% experience from winning a battle."

[Rhap Sodos]

Changes to Rhino Beetle:

• Made the Defense Bonus a passive effect. 
• Made the Evasion/Taijutsu bonuses an activated effect. 
• Put in an activation cost. There is no upkeep cost.
• Activated effect can only be used twice per battle (no "clap on clap off" to avoid balancing effects)
• Halt Advanced Regeneration.
• Kept the 40%/20%

I will vouch that that 40%/20% restriction can be very effective at keeping things balanced (looking at you, Uchiha Tsukiyo).

d(･_･) 

approve'd

Edited August 11, 2014 by Rhap Sodos

[Cellar Door]

Approved again.